I have been seeking to give my life to Christ, all day, every day, for ten years. But the problem is, I don't know if I REALLY give him my life. Or am I just imagining things? Am I fake or am I real?
I can not only doubt that I have given my life to Him, right after "giving my life to Him," I can doubt I'm for real DURING the very act of supposedly giving my life to Him. WHILE I'm "giving Him my life," I can be hit with the thought(s): "You don't mean it/You're a fake/You don't really want to live the Christian life/You're just saying words."
I read someone who said that, it's not saying the prayer, it's walking in the spirit. After I have convinced myself that I have given Him my life, I, at least sometimes, TRY to follow through with what should come afterwards. Like this last Saturday night, when I immersed myself in the verse "the one who comes to Me, I will by no means cast out." I then understood I was saved. I went to church yesterday, and have been praying and reading the Bible. But, as is typical with an OCD person such as me, doubts began to creep in by this morning. So, a few times, this morning, I went back to the verse, "the one who comes to me, I will by no means cast out," and tried to give Him my life again, each time. But the doubt persists, and so I am writing this.
If one does not walk with the Lord, one has good reason to doubt their salvation. But one has to be born before one can walk. If one, as sincerely as they know how, "gives their life" to Christ, then one needs to follow up. But if doubt hits IMMEDIATELY after giving their life to Him, then one wants to make sure by going back to give Him their life again. Grantley Morris has a website, net-burst.net/scrupulosity, in which he says that people with OCD have repeated, chemically-induced false alarms in their brain, giving them anxiety attacks. He says that this anxiety attacks whatever is emotionally most important to them. For Christians, what is most important is their assurance of salvation. So, Christians with OCD have repeated, incessant doubts about their salvation.
One can be saved in a moment. I am apparently obsessed with the "moment of salvation." Right after experiencing what I THINK is the moment of salvation, I tend to doubt it was real. So, I rarely "walk" for more than seconds or minutes with the Lord, before once again doubting I am His. Sometimes my assurance lasts for a day or so. Then it goes away. Like what happened this weekend; I am in doubt again, already.
Grantley Morris says that an OCD Christian's false alarm keeps blaring, on and on. No assurance ever lasts. But I wonder: do I doubt my salvation because of my OCD only, or am I not really saved, to boot?
Like I said, I can be in the middle of supposedly giving my life to Christ, and doubt I am being for real, at the same moment. How can know I am giving Him my life, or if I just have?
I can not only doubt that I have given my life to Him, right after "giving my life to Him," I can doubt I'm for real DURING the very act of supposedly giving my life to Him. WHILE I'm "giving Him my life," I can be hit with the thought(s): "You don't mean it/You're a fake/You don't really want to live the Christian life/You're just saying words."
I read someone who said that, it's not saying the prayer, it's walking in the spirit. After I have convinced myself that I have given Him my life, I, at least sometimes, TRY to follow through with what should come afterwards. Like this last Saturday night, when I immersed myself in the verse "the one who comes to Me, I will by no means cast out." I then understood I was saved. I went to church yesterday, and have been praying and reading the Bible. But, as is typical with an OCD person such as me, doubts began to creep in by this morning. So, a few times, this morning, I went back to the verse, "the one who comes to me, I will by no means cast out," and tried to give Him my life again, each time. But the doubt persists, and so I am writing this.
If one does not walk with the Lord, one has good reason to doubt their salvation. But one has to be born before one can walk. If one, as sincerely as they know how, "gives their life" to Christ, then one needs to follow up. But if doubt hits IMMEDIATELY after giving their life to Him, then one wants to make sure by going back to give Him their life again. Grantley Morris has a website, net-burst.net/scrupulosity, in which he says that people with OCD have repeated, chemically-induced false alarms in their brain, giving them anxiety attacks. He says that this anxiety attacks whatever is emotionally most important to them. For Christians, what is most important is their assurance of salvation. So, Christians with OCD have repeated, incessant doubts about their salvation.
One can be saved in a moment. I am apparently obsessed with the "moment of salvation." Right after experiencing what I THINK is the moment of salvation, I tend to doubt it was real. So, I rarely "walk" for more than seconds or minutes with the Lord, before once again doubting I am His. Sometimes my assurance lasts for a day or so. Then it goes away. Like what happened this weekend; I am in doubt again, already.
Grantley Morris says that an OCD Christian's false alarm keeps blaring, on and on. No assurance ever lasts. But I wonder: do I doubt my salvation because of my OCD only, or am I not really saved, to boot?
Like I said, I can be in the middle of supposedly giving my life to Christ, and doubt I am being for real, at the same moment. How can know I am giving Him my life, or if I just have?
