Girlfriend of 18 Months is Being Confusing

achristian2 said:

It could be either way. Scared that he's turning into a stalker or scared that he will leave her.

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Nonetheless she's scared which is not a healthy basis for any relationship that I've ever seen. That's a STOP sign, right there.

Inkachu said:

Someone being "scared" of a relationship is still a red flag and a STOP sign, either way.

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Hetta said:

Nonetheless she's scared which is not a healthy basis for any relationship that I've ever seen. That's a STOP sign, right there.

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Great minds...

Secondly, can anyone tell me how she is actually feeling? Is she confused? Does she really not want me to pursue her? Has anyone been in a similar situation like this?

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What I see in her reaction is, "Nothing has changed." She was willing to hear you out, try again, be obedient to God... but something triggered a familiar reaction. Something was unresolved.

From what you told us, I could guess about a couple things but these are not necessarily true:

1. You mentioned white lies -- are you accusing her of lying, more than she deserves to be accused? Do you not trust her, when she tries hard to be trustworthy? Are you forgiving her completely, or holding past things over her?

2. You mentioned wanting to know if she loves you -- that seemed awfully fast to ask, and somewhat pushy. You seem to have everything wrapped up in your mind of what you want, and act frustrated that she is not on the same page. Relax a little. Enjoy the ride.

3. Are you considering what her opinion is, what sort of timing she wants for the relationship? You might be "shopping like a man" who walks into a mall, grabs the shirts he knows he wants, and gets out of there immediately. Get this thing over with, wrap it up, seal the deal. A woman wants to enjoy the courtship, have a friend around, talk in mutually-respective tones.

Who knows though, I might be totally wrong and it might be something totally different. The direction you brush your mustache. Or maybe she was dating someone else right before she got back together with you, and still isn't sure. I'm not saying these things to insult, because I do not know you or the situation. You asked, and I'm offering some observations.

Listening to God about giving the relationship another chance is very different from wanting that for herself. She has tried, and given you her answer. Give her some space for now.

Please please learn to "read" signals/messages with a little more open mind. As soon as I saw that she said that she "loved where the Lord had (you) both" and she "cared about (you)", I read that quite clearly as her telling that she sees you as a friend, and that she was in a different place. She was trying to let you down gently.

Hetta said:

Please please learn to "read" signals/messages with a little more open mind. As soon as I saw that she said that she "loved where the Lord had (you) both" and she "cared about (you)", I read that quite clearly as her telling that she sees you as a friend, and that she was in a different place. She was trying to let you down gently.

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Yes.

I think this is an area where women usually do say what they mean.

If a woman loves a man, I find she generally will not hesitate to say so if he specifically asks (and maybe even if he doesn't ask).

It might be true that a woman will lie and say "Yes, I love you" because of some other fear or desire, but if she uses some other word than "love," then she means exactly what she said.

RDKirk said:

I think this is an area where women usually do say what they mean.

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I don't see that I said anything other than that. She did say what she meant, I just don't think he understood it.

If a woman loves a man, I find she generally will not hesitate to say so if he specifically asks (and maybe even if he doesn't ask).

It might be true that a woman will lie and say "Yes, I love you" because of some other fear or desire, but if she uses some other word than "love," then she means exactly what she said.

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I never suggested that a woman would lie about loving a man. I don't know where you are coming from at all.

Hetta said:

I don't see that I said anything other than that. She did say what she meant, I just don't think he understood it.


I never suggested that a woman would lie about loving a man. I don't know where you are coming from at all.

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I'm not disagreeing, just running alongside. I made a little edit to clarify that.

I think it's time to let this one go. There is a lot to be said for " If you love something, let it free".

If it truly is God's will, don't worry, but carry on with your life, your school, your career, and let God take the wheel.

It may sound corny but the words to the Garth Brooks song "Thank God for unanswered prayer" can be so true.