Girlfriend does not want to be intimate

[stonefly]

Dating my girlfriend for about 2 years now, at the start we were very intimate, sex about 3 times a week, possibly more.

For the last maybe half year or so, I've noticed that she isn't sexually attracted to me anymore, she never initiates things, so the more she doesn't want to have the sex, the more I want to because I have needs like any other male.

I tried to talk to her about it but she just becomes aggressive and unreasonable to talk to. She says she still feels sexually attracted to me but i think she is just saying that to make me feel better about myself. she says its not because of me, but she just feels that it is simply wrong. I asked her if it was because of christianity, but she says its only a small part of why she doesn't want to be intimate anymore nor does she feel comfortable with even making out with me. I find it very unfair for her to make such an abrupt decision to stop being intimate without communicating with me.

On the flip side, emotionally we are all good, we cuddle, we say we love each other, talk about our future together, and all that fuzzy crap. I show her massive amounts of respect (as well as her decisions), but her not wanting to be intimate is slowly killing me inside. I'm just worried that she will be this way even after we get married (which wont be for a year or three). I feel that sex in a relationship is very important to keep it alive and healthy.


please help.

 

[Luther073082]

You arn't likely to get a positive reaction here. The Christian faith teaches us that we should not engage in sex with anyone we are not married to.

Sex is not necessary to a relationship to keep it alive. It is good for those who are married, but it is not necessary. My wife will within a few months be giving birth and we won't be able to have sex for quite a while after that. That does not make her no longer my wife nor does that make me not love her.

Quite frankly I think you are confusing love for sex. Love, even when love isn't easy to do is what keeps a relationship alive and healthy. Not sex. If you don't understand that you should not be with this woman or any woman until you understand that.

Sex isn't a bad thing in it's proper place. It's a very good thing in marriage, and scripture is clear that sex is an important part of marriage. But it's just an expression of love and not the love itself.

Quite honestly I don't think you understand that especially in light of this quote.

On the flip side, emotionally we are all good, we cuddle, we say we love each other, talk about our future together, and all that fuzzy crap.

Those things are not crap. I would be emotionally torn apart if my wife refused to cuddle with me, discuss our future, or tell me she loved me. Those things are more important then sex to me.

Don't get me wrong I understand it's tough to just hear that your partner who you've previously been having sex with doesn't want to do that anymore. But she feels correctly that it is wrong since you are not married. And you either need to accept that or break up with her.

As to if she would resume sex when you got married, that is something you would have to ask her. I would expect that she would, and she should.

 

[somethingBEAUTIFUL]

She's being aggressive and unreasonable, you say. How so?

 

[quitespirit]

If you are not in agreement about values and Christian beliefs perhaps you are not compatible. You are upset she won't have sex with you, and she wants to wait for marriage (partly due to her faith). Do you believe sex before marriage is a sin? If so, why do you still want your girlfriend to sin with you?

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Pretty much what everyone else said. This is why you don't have sex before marriage. Because after the bliss wears off you easily could split instead of working on things. As the other person said you may be confusing love and sex. I did that with the first woman I was with.

 

[fdsfndls]

For what it's worth - when you sleep with a woman, without commiting to her, you send the message that she's disposable. Women are more emotionally driven in regards to sex then men overall - sex means intimacy. Once you've used a woman, she just gets less interested.
My thoughts would be, offer to marry her or leave. It's not natural for a woman not to be interested in sex, two years of having a rubber ducky is kind of hard on anyones soul though. Some view it differently then others, but christians tend to be very focused on family and love. To walk into that, and know that marriage is designed for the longterm can leave you hurting when it's not on offer. Disposable now, means disposable. Period.
People who live together first are 50% (apparently) more likely to divorce and the cheating is way, way higher. Sex is a healthy thing for keeping a relationship healthy and strong, but it must be in context.
If you love this woman, apologize. You've taken what you had no right to. Offer marriage if that's your intent, and be willing to love her as you should. Marriage licenses don't cost much. You had before you held, so to speak, do it the right way around and she can feel like she can trust you. God is love.

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

Dating my girlfriend for about 2 years now, at the start we were very intimate, sex about 3 times a week, possibly more.

For the last maybe half year or so, I've noticed that she isn't sexually attracted to me anymore, she never initiates things, so the more she doesn't want to have the sex, the more I want to because I have needs like any other male.

I tried to talk to her about it but she just becomes aggressive and unreasonable to talk to. She says she still feels sexually attracted to me but i think she is just saying that to make me feel better about myself. she says its not because of me, but she just feels that it is simply wrong. I asked her if it was because of christianity, but she says its only a small part of why she doesn't want to be intimate anymore nor does she feel comfortable with even making out with me. I find it very unfair for her to make such an abrupt decision to stop being intimate without communicating with me.

On the flip side, emotionally we are all good, we cuddle, we say we love each other, talk about our future together, and all that fuzzy crap. I show her massive amounts of respect (as well as her decisions), but her not wanting to be intimate is slowly killing me inside. I'm just worried that she will be this way even after we get married (which wont be for a year or three). I feel that sex in a relationship is very important to keep it alive and healthy.


please help.

Its possible she has come to these conclusions :

1. You were not made for sexual immorality by the Creator of us all. He gave us
moral boundaries so we would not hurt ourselves and others.
2. The Creator established absolute moral laws so we could live
properly and dignified . Our greatest happiness and fulfillment comes
from being in good relationship and standing to our Creator. , and not
from we want to do .
3. A condom will NOT prevent all STD's , plus, condoms come off during
passion, they rip, and they get misapplied . Further, a condom does
not prevent against emotional harm that occurs ...usually moreso for
the woman.
4. The sex act between two people is not only for pleasure, but it is
designed to cement an already good emotional relationship into a
stronger one. Casual hookup sex disregards this which often leads to
people feeling fragmented . , like a tramp later on, and having shared
something very personal with someone who doesnt care about them.
5. Sex was meant to be accompanied with lifelong commitment as in
marriage ; sex is THE most intimate side of a person and it is
supposed to be done in an environment of great safety and security and
privacy .
6. The more One has casual hookup sex, the more desensitized they
become regarding how they view the opposite sex . Guys subconsciously
start to think of women as worthless disposable things which
eventually increases in time. Women start to use a guy for sex so they
can get their emotional tank filled temporarily -- they trade sex for
getting some degree of affection and feeling valued. They get to the
point where they become mechanical and need a re-fix to fill their
emotional tank .
7. Pregnancy can and does result from casual sex and this accounts for
95% of ALL abortions performed . The devastating life time effects for
the woman increases her chance of suicide, depression, anxiety, and
regret especially around the anniversary of the abortion . The
'Mother' knows that she killed her developing baby at the alter of
sexual hedonism even if she tries hard to people who tell her 'its
just a blob' . The 'blob' had a heartbeat at just 18 days old -- most
abortions occur between 12-18 weeks when the baby is developed
substantially . 95% of abortions = 4,000 per day .... murdered
developing american life .
8. Virtually EVERYTHING our culture portrays, is dangerous to oneself
because its philosophies are all about self absorbsion , using others
for selfish gain, taking advantage of others, ego building, and
apathy , etc... We live in a very wrong culture . Its it good and
noble to go against such.
9. A consentual Partner doesnt make a wrong , right ; it makes it a
greater wrong because 2 people double it and are fooled by it.
10. The Creators plan is to have your wedding night as special as
possible so you can say you and your wife waited for each other. This
is a commitment that is highly cherised between two marriage partners.
If youve already blown this, there is a second chance for you to do it
right and God will bless your commitment and help you wait for your
future spouse.
11. We dont have to use our sexual nature. Nothing falls off if we
dont. Realize that our mass media promotes immoral sex for financial
gain and they do not care about you. Purity is a very good thing and
it builds self respect .
12. Some things may be fun, but are very wrong and destructive. And
looking at all the consequences to casual sex including the prevailing
national STD epidemic which is literally killing people early...people
ARE getting hurt and worse. Further, jealous b/f's want to get even ,
divorce occurs due to consenual adultery, and peoples trust levels get
shattered often for life .
13. There is a good feeling to be had from NOT following an out of
control morally degrading Culture and instead living for God . And, he
freely blesses such a life if you are willing to move toward him and
his loving protective laws.

 

[stephendavid]

God loves you very much and your girl friend. God knows the pain that sex before marriage can cause. It is sinful as it is not God's intention. All of us have sinned but there is forgiveness through Jesus. God wants sex to be wonderful and it is within marriage. Enjoy getting to know your girl friend more and more and see where God leads you both. By that I mean God may lead you to get engaged and then married. If you wait for sex within marriage then it will be free from guilt and it can be a wonderfully fulfilling part of your lives.