Girl Asks Boy Out. Yes? No?

[hex98co99]

I rather have a girl ask me out. I have never asked a girl out because I fear rejection and I want to keep my self dignity. The only problem with this method is that you won't date much and you can go dateless for a long time..

UNLESS of course it's one of those things where you kinda know the person, and people that know her and somebody tells you that she likes you (or you do some investigative work yourself). If that is the case then I would ask the girl out (since I know from someone that she likes me) but If i got no info and i know nobody that she knows (and we have never formally meet just seen her pass by) then NO.

Who say that being date less for along time is wrong.

It seems that our society has a waken many peoples love (like song of solomen warns us not to do).
I am not to sure but I think that back in biblical times the man waited longer to get married or (I dont think that they had to much dating back them, what do you guys think?)than now. I think that I heard some where that Joshep the father of Jesus (not by blood) was like 30 when he married Mary who could of been as young as 16 (I have heard not exacly sure on the age # but this seems to be a rought estimate).

Like I wrote to someone befor You are not waiting to date someone as soon as you are born.
If your 22 you have not been wating 22 year to start dating.
You have been taken care of for the first 10 years of your life.
The next 10 years your are finding who you are.
Because
'How can you find the right person for your self when you dont even know who you are?"

Unless you are looking for some to fill a desire in you that they cant fill.

ALso remeber that our society has awakend many peoples sexuality before they are ready to handle it.
Agree or disagree?

Hector
><)))">

 

[msjones21]

Amen, Hector! I used to share the view that 99% of the world's population holds to...how will you find "the one" unless you date around? What a silly concept! How many years did I spend in heartache, despair, rejection, sexual sin, and confusion because of that mindset? Too many!

That's like walking past an all you can eat buffect only wanting the chicken and having to take little bites off of everything else in search of the chicken and saying "well, I wanted to make sure it wasn't the chicken". We all know that when we see the chicken that it's the chicken. We don't sample the vanilla pudding, green beans, and mashed potatoes thinking they're chicken. What would happen then? Once you got to the chicken you'd be too full to appreciate it.

I know it's a silly analogy but apply it to life. You don't have to partake of everyone under the sun to find God's chosen mate for you. In fact, waiting for God to show you who "the one" is, instead of dating around, is the only surefire way to prevent all of the lost time and heartache. Not to mention you're sparing the other person alot of grief as well.

I love Joshua Harris's books "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and "Boy Meets Girl". Not only is courtship Biblical, it's practical in today's times as well.

 

[ummidrinkcherrycoke]

I'm not confusing anything. There is no law in the old testiment that says a man must first approch the woman. And there is nothing in the New testiment that says anything has changed (when it comes to dating/courtship that is). If a man saw what he liked back then he went home and asked his parents to go get her for him.

I believe that its polite to talk to a womans father before you go on a date. But I'm not in highschool anymore and dads usually not around. And there's a difference in asking permission and asking to purchase.

I'm not saying that a guy shouldnt be a leader. He can lead in a Godly conversation at dinner, lead in prayer, he should provide by paying... He can do a lot of things. All I'm saying is that if a woman is interested in someone they shouldnt be afraid to say 'hey wanna hang out tonight.'

If I'm interested in a woman I'm not going to sit around and wait for her to ask me out. So why should a woman sit around and wait for a man.

Gods not going to be angry if a woman ask a guy out. Gods not going to punish a man if he says yes. I personally don't think he cares as long as there is Godly intent. There is no written law that defines what has to be done.

To put it simply. Women if you don't want to ask men out, DONT. Men if a woman asked you out, do what you want to.

Personally, I will accept a date from a woman and my leadership qualities are not in question.

 

[hex98co99]

I'm not confusing anything. There is no law in the old testiment that says a man must first approch the woman. And there is nothing in the New testiment that says anything has changed (when it comes to dating/courtship that is). If a man saw what he liked back then he went home and asked his parents to go get her for him.

I believe that its polite to talk to a womans father before you go on a date. But I'm not in highschool anymore and dads usually not around. And there's a difference in asking permission and asking to purchase.

I'm not saying that a guy shouldnt be a leader. He can lead in a Godly conversation at dinner, lead in prayer, he should provide by paying... He can do a lot of things. All I'm saying is that if a woman is interested in someone they shouldnt be afraid to say 'hey wanna hang out tonight.'

If I'm interested in a woman I'm not going to sit around and wait for her to ask me out. So why should a woman sit around and wait for a man.

Gods not going to be angry if a woman ask a guy out. Gods not going to punish a man if he says yes. I personally don't think he cares as long as there is Godly intent. There is no written law that defines what has to be done.

To put it simply. Women if you don't want to ask men out, DONT. Men if a woman asked you out, do what you want to.

Personally, I will accept a date from a woman and my leadership qualities are not in question.

Hey what you discribe is great for friendships but not for dating.

In dating you ARE being prepared to getting married and you must practice that in dating.

It seem that you dont view dating as too diffrent than friendships with previlages. Do you?

Because if you do view that way that just show how much your not ready for dating.
When you want to date every girl you feel attracted to you will end up with many heartbreaks (yours and other peoples).

Hector
><)))">
Hector

 

[msjones21]

There is no law in the old testiment that says a man must first approch the woman.

I'm not trying to patronize you, undermy, it's just that I'm not sure whether or not you fully understand Old Testament teachings. You're right, nowhere in the OT does it state a man must approach the woman. In the OT men and women were betrothed from birth to the person their parents selected. In the New Testament, the Bible clearly states the woman should submit to the man. It does not say "woman should submit to the man unless she really, REALLY wants to date him".

I believe that its polite to talk to a womans father before you go on a date. But I'm not in highschool anymore and dads usually not around. And there's a difference in asking permission and asking to purchase.

There are situations in which the father is not around, of course; however, that doesn't mean one cannot apply Biblical principles to their relationship. Talk to your pastor about it. And just because we're adults doesn't mean we're exempt from God's call to remain pure until our wedding day or that Biblical teachings don't apply to us. In Biblical times if a woman went up to a man and said "hey, wanna go out?" she would be considered a harlot. The Bible speaks very plainly about women being modest and waiting for a man to take the lead.

I'm not saying that allowing the woman to ask you out is a bad thing or that you can't be a Godly leader, but why not be a leader from the very beginning? I do, however, tend to question your motives behind your stance. Are you willing to settle for the woman taking the lead so that you can be spared rejection?

 

[ummidrinkcherrycoke]

Hey what you discribe is great for friendships but not for dating.

In dating you ARE being prepared to getting married and you must practice that in dating.

It seem that you dont view dating as too diffrent than friendships with previlages. Do you?

Because if you do view that way that just show how much your not ready for dating.
When you want to date every girl you feel attracted to you will end up with many heartbreaks (yours and other peoples).

Hector
><)))">
Hector

I understand that you disagree with me and thats fine I don't really care.

BUT... I've never said anything about having previlages in any situation. Friendship or otherwise. I've never even implied it. Nor have I said or did I imply that you should date everyone you're attracted to. All I said was that I think its okay for a girl to ask out a guy.

I don't know who's posts you've been reading but it doesnt sound like you've been reading mine.

 

[ummidrinkcherrycoke]

Are you willing to settle for the woman taking the lead so that you can be spared rejection?

I've already stated in earlier posts that I believe that the man should be the leader. And I gave examples of how.
I've already stated that If I'm interested in a woman that I don't wait to ask her out.

All I'm saying is that if she wants to ask she can and she should because something great might come from it.....Thats all. And if you guys want to keep making the same argument just go back and read my earlier posts. Because I'm tired of repeating myself.

 

[msjones21]

Indeed, undermy. I am very old fashioned, I suppose. I don't believe that if God truly wants me to be with someone that He won't make provision for that man to come to me. I try not to fret over the "what if I miss out?" scenarios.

 

[hex98co99]

I understand that you disagree with me and thats fine I don't really care.

BUT... I've never said anything about having previlages in any situation. Friendship or otherwise. I've never even implied it. Nor have I said or did I imply that you should date everyone you're attracted to. All I said was that I think its okay for a girl to ask out a guy.

I don't know who's posts you've been reading but it doesnt sound like you've been reading mine.

Hey what is the diffrance between a friendship and a girl/boyfriend to you?

What about when should you know that you shoould date someone?

Hector
><)))">

 

[ummidrinkcherrycoke]

To me a friend is someone whos there when you need them for whatever.

A girlfriend is someone whom I'm spending time with for the soul purpose of finding out if we're compatible enough for marriage.

And for your second question I think that depends on the person. For me if I'm interested in someone I'll ask them out on a date.

 

[hex98co99]

To me a friend is someone whos there when you need them for whatever.

A girlfriend is someone whom I'm spending time with for the soul purpose of finding out if we're compatible enough for marriage.

And for your second question I think that depends on the person. For me if I'm interested in someone I'll ask them out on a date.

(I know its been a long time sorry for that I went out of town and had alot of things to do)

For you--- would it be possible for you to spend time with someone (a friend) without them being your girlfriend to find out if they are compatible enought for marriage?
no, why not?

Because I think you can know if the person is marrige material or not just by spending enoght time with them as friend. Actually the title of the raltionship does not matter.

Hector
><)))">

 

[seangoh]

What about when should you know that you shoould date someone?

Hector
><)))">

Perhaps we shouldn't start having thoughts about relationships in our minds the whole day, day in day out. Yes having thoughts now and then is fine but not such that it becomes a major part of life that we neglect our other things or we could not achieve our own potentials. What i've recently told myself is to stop looking for a mate. God has a plan for us(jer 29:11) and he cares for us. He made us and certainly our Creator knows what's best for us.
Just like you build your own computer(if you do), you will know what exactly you put inside, its strengths and its weaknesses. And knowing the weaknesses, you have a plan to put more memory into it but not until the next year. And so the computer just sits there grumbling away of getting more memory not knowing that the "Creator" has a plan. In the same way, God has plan for us. He had a plan for Adam. Adam's job was to name all the animals and obey God by not eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. He did his job well and in time to come, God said that "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him." Gen 2:18 He knows what Adam needs and so provided a solution.

Similarly our Creator knows our needs and has a plan already in place. Why worry then when it's coming to you anyway? Our job is to be faithful like Adam and do our work. As i'm writing all this i'm always reminding myself.

 

[Koop]

I will never understand why people feel they need to seek a partner. If you are seeking the Lords will that's all that matters. If God brings you a partner praise God if not what does it matter? You are following God's will. If you seek a partner you are seeking your will not God's.

 

[tetelestai]

i sort of agree Koop, but i think that is a rather sweeping generalization. i think it is possible to know that the Lord has a mate planned for you before you have him/her. and i think we have to be active in the process. very rarley does God just plop something in your lap and say, "here it is."

as for my opinion on a girl asking a guy. i know that i will not be an initiator. i think that a man's willingness to step up to the plate in this situation is the best way for him to show that he will be willing in the remainder of the relationship. i want my future husband to want me enough to overcome any inhabitions or fear of failure. and, if he is being as directed by God as i hope he is, he will know when it is time to make a move, because he will have an exellent guide

 

[Koop]

I agree the Lord will not just send you packing on your way doing his will then all of a sudden say you've never met her before but here is your wife! Allthough I know cases where that has happend, i agree that is genraly not how God works. That isn't what i said though. If you are following God's will in your life in every aspect and you konw it's in his will for you to have a mate already, then all the less reason to seek it and worry about it. All the more should you have faith that God will bring that person into your life if they are not there already. It's incredably hard to just let go of the reigns. I stuggle with it every day, and in a lot more than just finding a wife. But it is only when i do that he really blesses me the most.

 

[tetelestai]

true. sorry i missunderstood.

 

[Koop]

Forgiven! Bless you sister!

 

[hex98co99]

Hey I agree with you guys that you should not been in red alert all the times to find spouse.
In song of solomon there is a warning for us not to waken love before its time.

Yet I feel that once you are ready you must keep an eye open and prayful heart on the spouse you want.

I also feel that you are ready for marrige/dating (should be that same) you can love your spouce as Christ loved the church (for the man) (give your life for her)
and submit to the husband (for the woman)--

Those sound simlpe but are trually dificult to do.

When some quoted me for the question "when do you think that you are ready for dating?" I just wanted to get the opinion of the person who I was writing to and then compare our opininons and we could try to point out any flaws on our opinions if any.



Hector
><)))">

 

[tetelestai]

hector, i think you are right that those should be the ultimate goals for marriage. but i def think that they are a process. not something you wake up to one morning and say yup, i am there. i will submit to my husband at every turn (as i am a female) i think that it is something that is perfected by God with in your relationship. because i dont think i will really know what that means until i am there, and tempted to be rebellious.
i am super duper glad to know that there are men out there with that goal in mind hector, its encouraging for me as a family oriented single female.

 

[ummidrinkcherrycoke]

For you--- would it be possible for you to spend time with someone (a friend) without them being your girlfriend to find out if they are compatible enought for marriage?

I have friends that are woman. But thats what they are.... friends. Nothing more. They have their own relationships with other guys and I with other girls.

Having a girlfriend means that there is a level of commitment in the relationship. It means that you're spending time with her to find out if you're compatible or not. It means that you're pursuing that quest for compatibility with her and only her. It doesnt mean that you cant see your friends (who might happen to be women). It just means that shes the only one the you have a commited relationship with.

A guy might find a girlfriend amongst a friend. Thats fine. But I usually know right away whether or not I'm romanticlly interested in someone. From there I choose to have friendship or relationship. I try to keep romance out of my friendships. It tends to do more harm then good.

I think that I'm done explaining the way I deal with my relationships. Its not even the subject of this thread. So this will be my last post in here.

And yes I still think that its alright for a girl to ask out a guy.