Getting shot down because of one's race

[jubilationtcornpone]

Tonight, I received a message from a woman that I contacted on a Christian dating site (www.christiancafe.com, where I'm known as hopelessromantic162). She said that my profile was very well written, and that she liked everything about it. Unfortunately, she said that my racial background was a dealbreaker. "I'm not attracted to Asian men," she replied.

Darn. I really appreciated her graciousness and candor, and she clearly tried to let me down gently. Still, it's disappointing when one gets rejected because of one's race.

I'm not asking for a pity party, mind you. I just want to say that situations like these really stink.

 

[VictoriasImage77]

I don't think race is all that important really, and I think that if you get to know a person's character and get to like them, it's worth giving it a shot, instead of judging up front. Who knows what she missed out on.

But on the other hand, maybe that is just because I could be attracted to any race...so it's easy for me to say that? I dunno. Just a thought.

 

[RDouglas]

I haven't been shot down for being a West Virginian with Scottish family history (yet).

For what it's worth, I've dated an asian girl, dated a hispanic girl and came pretty close to dating a black girl. Also palled around with a deaf girl (not a race, but you get the idea).

Still, I don't necessarily equate not being attracted to being racist. It's not a great reason, but it happens.

 

[RDouglas]

Okay, one exception to this rule.

Lorena Bobbitt was originally from Ecuador. During the time when she was on trial for performing unnecessary plastic surgery on her husband, one hundred women back in her home country swore a pledge that if she were convicted, they'd go on a "holy war" duplicating her action on as many guys as they could get hold of.

I made a mental note on that day that I would never ever date a woman from Ecuador.

 

[Marz]

I can understand where she is coming from, we have certain types we are attracted to- to some extent.. But, that doesnt mean that people cant have a type and then overlook it at a later point..

There is beauty in all people, in all races..

 

[RefinedByFire]

Unfortunately, asian men fall behind everybody else in the attraction category. Mainly because the media has never portrayed us as the romantic leading man. We're always the "I-can-kick-your-butt-with-my-karate-chops" guy but heaven forbid if an asian guy actually kisses a girl on screen! White guys with asian girls are all over the place but seldom, if ever, the other way around.

Not stereotyping, just stating the fact.

 

[awashinlove]

Unfortunately, asian men fall behind everybody else in the attraction category. Mainly because the media has never portrayed us as the romantic leading man. We're always the "I-can-kick-your-butt-with-my-karate-chops" guy but heaven forbid if an asian guy actually kisses a girl on screen! White guys with asian girls are all over the place but seldom, if ever, the other way around.

Not stereotyping, just stating the fact.

Arabs aren't too high on the favorites lists, either.

Growing up, when my classmates found out my mother was Arab and I was familiar with the Qur'an, I didn't even have to know a guy to have him tell me we'd never become a couple (quite often communicated through thrown eggs and chairs swiped out from under me). And this before 9/11.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

we have certain types we are attracted to- to some extent.. But, that doesnt mean that people cant have a type and then overlook it at a later point..
.

I agree with this. There is still hope. Myself for example, I used to be extremely attracted to black guys as a teenager. Then I lived around a bunch and dated one and I think my fascination for them waned. Though I still respect all races, I am not attracted to black guys anymore.

No reason why it couldnt change for someone in the opposite direction. Tastes change and preferences tend to also, especially as you get older.

 

[Gimpy]

In my much younger days I was shot down for not being Mexican and once for not being Vietnamese. Now I get shot down mostly because of my age. So it goes. There is always something, isnt there.

 

[SandyLou]

My immediate reaction is to feel sorry for the woman who obviously has issues. But the good news is that you don't have to deal with those issues! woooHOOO! and at least she responded! If I had a dime for every non-response I could afford to still be a member there

It's sooooo sad that there are still people who believe in stereotypes to the degree that they can't take time to become acquainted with others. But if they did - ACCCK - they might just find some new friends and knock a few bricks from the walls of prejudice.

And . . . . .ewwww, this is tough to say. . . Gimpy is right. If it's not one thing it's another. We all get rejected - race, religion, clothing, age, etc.

 

[jubilationtcornpone]

Unfortunately, asian men fall behind everybody else in the attraction category. Mainly because the media has never portrayed us as the romantic leading man. We're always the "I-can-kick-your-butt-with-my-karate-chops" guy but heaven forbid if an asian guy actually kisses a girl on screen! White guys with asian girls are all over the place but seldom, if ever, the other way around.

Not stereotyping, just stating the fact.

That is exactly correct.

When this subject has come up in times past, I've often seen other guys say, "That's not true! What in the world are you talking about? Asian men are every bit as popular as whites, blacks or hispanics." Asian men themselves, however, would tell you a different story. They know full well that they're at the bottom of the dating pool.

I sometimes challenge people to name a single Asian male sex symbol. The most common answers? Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee, neither of whom fit the bill. Jackie Chan is known primarily as a comedic martial artist, rather than a romantic lead or an object of sexual attraction. Bruce Lee was known primarily for his tough guy image, and his posters adorned the walls of teenage boys rather than those of young women. He's also been dead for more than 30 years.

 

[mina]

i'm sorry. Like someone else said at least you don't have to deal with her issues! Praying that the right one will come into your life who won't even care what race you are.

 

[jubilationtcornpone]

You're right, mina.

Honestly folks, I don't begrudge someone for having physical preferences. It still stings though, especially when you know that this is (a) something you can't ever change, and (b) a preference that's strongly reinforced by media stereotypes. (Black males, for example, are considered more desirable nowadays than in decades past, since they're often depicted in masculine roles -- as athletes, musicians and action heroes, for example.)

Do you know what else bugs me? It's that men are considered shallow for preferring slender women, but it's more acceptable to reject a man because he's short or Asian. That is, we frequently hear outcries of how shallow men are for rejecting overweight women, but you seldom hear the same outrage over men being rejected for their height or ethnicity. (BTW, I'm not especially short. I'm stating this as a matter of principle, more than anything else.) It is at least possible for most people to trim down, whereas there's nothing one can do about one's stature or racial background.

In the interest of balance, I'd like to point out that black women get a similar raw deal. Black women can likewise tell you that they have a much harder time in the dating pool than other women do. Even the media paragons of black beauty tend to be women like Halle Berry -- women who are only partially black, at best.

 

[joyouspirit]

In my much younger days I was shot down for not being Mexican and once for not being Vietnamese. Now I get shot down mostly because of my age. So it goes. There is always something, isnt there.

I agree, there will always be something. I'm Asian, a Filipino never did I imagine I would get attracted to a different Asian race. Funny, I thought he was white then i found out he was asian, too. If she is the one for you, it doesn't matter if you are asian, white, or black. It goes beyond the race.

We will never know who we will end up with, but what I know God knows who will be the best for us, all we have to do is ask in prayer and have a little faith.

God bless!!!

 

[Irascible]

I sometimes challenge people to name a single Asian male sex symbol. The most common answers? Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee, neither of whom fit the bill.

I'll take that challenge... and fail. I don't know a single Asian male sex symbol and don't want to know one - just like I don't much care to know who the Caucasian, Hispanic or any other race sex symbols are. The typical "white sex symbol" has done things on screen that no one should want to emulate.

Yes, the entertainment media has had a potentially negative effect on your romantic life. But the perspective I’d like to bring is that for the most part Hollywood and the media in general are squarely in the enemy’s camp. I’d rather focus my energy on defeating the enemy than lament how their portrayal of me has affected my love life.

And, incidentally, how does the media in general portray me? I’m a devoutly Christian Caucasian male of European descent. There’s nothing worse in their eyes. Much of the media assumes that I’m a racist, bigot, sexist and homophobe. But I’ve never once assumed that romantic rejection by a non-Caucasian was due to media bias.

 

[simmeringabsolute]

I don't see the problem with what she did. I think preferences of appearance are legitimate, even if they tend to exclude homogenous groups (with Asians being a great example). For example, I tend to be attracted to women who resemble me: dark hair (crucial..), olive skin. Despite being Caucasian myself, I am also highly attracted to many Hispanic women. I am rarely attracted to blondes, no matter how beautiful they really are. It's not about racism -- that the distinction falls along race lines is merely incidental.


By the way, which would you have preferred:

1) I am not attracted to Asian men

or

2) I am not attracted to you

I think her honesty was a great thing and the way she presented it especially graceful.

 

[jameseb]

I've known white girls that won't date white guys, so don't take it personally, mate. To each his own they say. Personally, I think of rejection (as opposed to indifference, being wishy-washy, etc.) as a "good" thing in that I know I don't need to invest any more of my time or heart (and money!!) in them.


Ramble on, brother.

 

[Leah]

Unfortunately, asian men fall behind everybody else in the attraction category. Mainly because the media has never portrayed us as the romantic leading man. We're always the "I-can-kick-your-butt-with-my-karate-chops" guy but heaven forbid if an asian guy actually kisses a girl on screen! White guys with asian girls are all over the place but seldom, if ever, the other way around.

Not stereotyping, just stating the fact.

Well, I find asian men VERY attractive. More attractive then white or black men. The only issue I have with asian men is that alot of them are short and too skinny.

Other than that, asian men get a thumbs WAY up from me!

And asian women are just beautiful. They remind me of rare porcelain dolls. Very elegant and pretty.

 

[jameseb]

Well, I find asian men VERY attractive. More attractive then white or black men.

See what I mean??

As for me, I'm lucky I have a healthy ego.

 

[Sketcher]

Just look at it this way, she weeded herself out and saved you the trouble.