Getting Separated.

[California Dreamin']

I got married not even 5 months ago and we're separated right now.
I found a secret e-mail address left open on the computer, and this isn't even the first time but he always talked his way out of it before and said it was a joke. So, now this has been an issue since we even met, possibly earlier.

Ugh. He claims he's a sex addict and goes on several dating websites, and is sending pictures of himself to MEN... I was unhappy in our marriage but I never did anything like this. I took my vows seriously...

 

[Steffenfield]

I'm sorry to hear that.

I'll be praying for your full recovery through this.

 

[California Dreamin']

Thanks. My biggest thing is wondering if I'd ever meet the right person, and also to be able to trust someone...

 

[Steffenfield]

Hi.

Okay. So please be prepared that some people here take the scripture very literal, meaning if you do end up in divorce, the Holy Spirit might grieve if you ever try to pursue another relationship.

I'm not saying this will be your case or not, but you did mention taking your vows very seriously, that's all.

I'm still praying that your relationship with him somehow recovers from this.

 

[FallenPaladin]

There are many right people. Since you are a woman and your husband is chatting up men, maybe you are not one of the right ones for him. If he married you he probably wants you to be right for him. What we want and what we do aren't always consistent. When I meet someone and decide whether or not to spend time with them, it is their actions that speak so loud that I can't hear what they are saying. Many good men would be lucky to have you. Maybe give some of those guys a chance.

 

[California Dreamin']

I started working in August and have a job I really enjoy going to, they know what's going on, and gave me like 15 extra hours this week... it helps.

 

[Steffenfield]

What's the status with you and him?

Are you attempting to work things out and reconcile?

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

I got married not even 5 months ago and we're separated right now.
I found a secret e-mail address left open on the computer, and this isn't even the first time but he always talked his way out of it before and said it was a joke. So, now this has been an issue since we even met, possibly earlier.

Ugh. He claims he's a sex addict and goes on several dating websites, and is sending pictures of himself to MEN... I was unhappy in our marriage but I never did anything like this. I took my vows seriously...

I'm so sorry you're going through this, Kelly. Is he willing to do anything to address his problems? Will he work to save the marriage? Are you willing to if he is? If he is willing to work on his issues, there are resources out there for him and for also resources to help you cope.

 

[JanniGirl]

California . . . .

Lots of resources out there for him if he's willing to pursue help. Not as many resources for you, though. Most Christian advice for the spouse is to 'grin and bear it' and to not take it personally. This is bad advice and doesn't deal with the actualities of the situation. If there is nothing compelling keeping you in the marriage, then pray and pray some more and then GET OUT, especially if he is not in recovery.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

This is one resource for the spouse. It appears to be free.

S-Anon International Family Groups

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, Kelly. Is he willing to do anything to address his problems? Will he work to save the marriage? Are you willing to if he is? If he is willing to work on his issues, there are resources out there for him and for also resources to help you cope.

So I just read your post on another forum and now I feel bad for having posted the above. I think seperation was a good choice for you. If I were you, there's no way I would want to work on the marriage. I still think the link I posted earlier might be helpful for you in coping, though.

 

[California Dreamin']

Our church has a Celebrate Recovery group, and it was mentioned to him, and he's never gone. There are only two churches in this province with it, and ours just happened to be one. He told me even this week that "he didn't consider it fully cheating" because it was with men--not women. So, I can't really work with that.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

Yeah wow. I don't blame you.