Getting Physical

[ZACTAK]

Hey everyone. I come to you all with a question. A question many of us struggle with. Here is the deal. I went to a friends house on Friday night, and well... I met a girl. An attractive girl at that. We watched a movie on the couch together and cuddled. We are interested in each other more than friends, but we want to get to know each other a little more. How far is too far when you are just dating.. obviously sex is out of the question, we are both waiting fo rmarriage for that

 

[vibrant]

you just met her, back the "how much can i grope her" trolley up.

grope, touch, kiss, caress, whatever you want to call it, slow it down.

 

[septemberskies]

I say you should set your limitations to whatever will cause you or her to begin thinking sexual thoughts or become stimulated. Don't become comfort with doing routine things that you know will lead you guys to wanting more if you know what i mean.

 

[Illuminite]

You meet in one night and find yourself "cuddling"? I'll leave this one for others to post on.My thoughts on this are too bold.

 

[ZACTAK]

You meet in one night and find yourself "cuddling"? I'll leave this one for others to post on.My thoughts on this are too bold.

I think cuddling is completely harmless. Although for others it might be very dangerous. I have enough self control not to go too far when it comes to cuddling.

 

[beehoney]

Hey everyone. I come to you all with a question. A question many of us struggle with. Here is the deal. I went to a friends house on Friday night, and well... I met a girl. An attractive girl at that. We watched a movie on the couch together and cuddled. We are interested in each other more than friends, but we want to get to know each other a little more. How far is too far when you are just dating.. obviously sex is out of the question, we are both waiting fo rmarriage for that

I don't see a problem with cuddling. Physical contact is an important aspect of human communication, but you need to establish off-limit areas together, ie no touching of the breasts, buttocks, or genitalia.

 

[ZACTAK]

I don't see a problem with cuddling. Physical contact is an important aspect of human communication, but you need to establish off-limit areas together, ie no touching of the breasts, buttocks, or genitalia.

I completely agree with this... my philopophy has always been if the the girls clothes are off, or if mine are, we have a problem.

 

[septemberskies]

Cuddling is good.. i love cuddling and i think it would be ridiculous to reduce contact to a handshake lol.

But like i said don't do things you know will lead to more stuff... know you limits and stick to it.

 

[ZACTAK]

Thats not a good philosophy. There is a lot that can go on while clothes are still on that can be considered "too far" for the majority of people..

~ ~

I was meaning as my philosophy for myself. What is too far for you could be something as simple as a kiss, where something too far for me is not. I'm not sure if that makes any sense, but what I am trying to basically say is that limits differ person to person.

 

[eyeliv4God]

I have a grat idea for you which my church counselor gave me two years ago.

Sit down with a trusted male advocate (a pastor or a married man from your church, preferrably) and make a list of what is and is not acceptable as far as being physical. The next step is to make a list of things you will/can do when you're about to cross the line from acceptable to unacceptable. For example:

Acceptable: Holding Hands

Not Acceptable: Caressing

Preventative: Spend time in public (e.g., the mall, bookstore, at a friend's house, with parents)

This is just an example. You don't have to use it, but I did and this really worked for me and my then beau. It's all about physical, emotional, and spiritual control. Just remember that whatever you do, God is watching. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want God to catch me gettin' hot and heavy with a guy whom I wasn't married to!

Just a note: I'm not perfect and I have been sexual outside of marriage, a number of times. I finally realized that having a Christian partner helps a lot. If she's a Christian, you can battle against Satan together; it may take two to tango, but two can also be better than one.

 

[tashibana27]

Wow.

I just gotta say man, if you can cuddle with a girl not have those kinds of feelings come up, then props to you. For myself, I've learned that I am a very weak person - one look at my friends playing smash brothers, I give in to 6 hour gaming sessions; one look at porn, I go tumbling down; one kiss, next thing I know I'm in bed with her.

My point is this: no man can fight temptation. I don't even try to limit myself anymore - I just straight up stopped playing video games altogether, blocked internet sites, and I refuse to sleep in the same room as a girl. Flee man, flee! =P

 

[ZACTAK]

Wow.

I just gotta say man, if you can cuddle with a girl not have those kinds of feelings come up, then props to you. For myself, I've learned that I am a very weak person - one look at my friends playing smash brothers, I give in to 6 hour gaming sessions; one look at porn, I go tumbling down; one kiss, next thing I know I'm in bed with her.

My point is this: no man can fight temptation. I don't even try to limit myself anymore - I just straight up stopped playing video games altogether, blocked internet sites, and I refuse to sleep in the same room as a girl. Flee man, flee! =P

I see cuddling as innocent. You might be tempted very easily, but my personality is not like that.

 

[vibrant]

the last thing i want to do is create false sense of intimacy. holding hands, leaning on each other, caressing, kissing, hugging bring intimacy into the relationship, and until i know that it's warranted, by my feelings for him, his for mine, it won't be happening. there are different levels, like holding hands is on a different level than kissing, so i may come to the point in the relationship sooner for the former, holding hands, than for the latter, kissing... but all in all, expressions of intimacy have to be warranted and actually represent something that's happening in our relationship.

 

[Athalia]

mmm cuddling is very nice!

look, I thought I was very strong and temptations of the flesh were not anything I could not handle. then, well I met this guy who is jest wonnerful and a lot of my boundries and lines and "i shall never do that"s went straight out the window. so my advice is simply this: you're gonna do whatever you want to do, regardless of any advice given, people always do, but maybe remember, when you really like someone in the "oh wow, he/she is so great and I can't believe that they like me back" kinda way... then the temptations are stronger.

 

[tashibana27]

NFSteelers,

"Hey everyone. I come to you all with a question. "..." How far is too far when you are just dating.. "

"I see cuddling as innocent. You might be tempted very easily, but my personality is not like that."

"limits differ person to person."




You started out this thread asking what's too far, and then you reply with statements like these. Are you really asking, or are you trying to justify yourself? Because it sounds like you're answering your own question.

 

[rodimus321]

I am seeing some posts here that kind of bother me. Specially the ones that say what too far for you may not be to far me. I'm sorry to say this but we do not define what is too far, God does. The bible says you are to stay pure until you are married, I would have to say that anything beyond kissing violates that, and if kissing becomes difficult than maybe it should be put off as well. Remember, God sees everything. What would you feel comfortable doing knowing that Jesus was sitting in the room watching you.

 

[ZACTAK]

NFSteelers,

"Hey everyone. I come to you all with a question. "..." How far is too far when you are just dating.. "

"I see cuddling as innocent. You might be tempted very easily, but my personality is not like that."

"limits differ person to person."




You started out this thread asking what's too far, and then you reply with statements like these. Are you really asking, or are you trying to justify yourself? Because it sounds like you're an
swering your own question.

I actually meant it as what you guys thought, but I wrote it completely wrong, because I was in a hurry at work.

 

[Redneck]

Personally, the thought of cuddling with a person kind of creeps me out.

 

[renaistre]

I am seeing some posts here that kind of bother me. Specially the ones that say what too far for you may not be to far me. I'm sorry to say this but we do not define what is too far, God does. The bible says you are to stay pure until you are married, I would have to say that anything beyond kissing violates that, and if kissing becomes difficult than maybe it should be put off as well. Remember, God sees everything. What would you feel comfortable doing knowing that Jesus was sitting in the room watching you.

Umm, yes and no. You are right in general, but the problem isn't so simple when God says, for example, to avoid things that might make us stumble. That DOES change from person to person. As you point out yourself, kissing might be "difficult" for some people and not for others. Same thing with the "Jesus in the room" argument. What people would "feel comfortable doing" would vary from person to person.

Obviouly, some people will use this to "get away" with doing things that they shouldn't, but ultimately, because of the nature of this thing, we can't determine that for them. I think it's fair to say that a person's conscience should be their only guide in this area, but it should play a significant role.

 

[ZACTAK]

Umm, yes and no. You are right in general, but the problem isn't so simple when God says, for example, to avoid things that might make us stumble. That DOES change from person to person. As you point out yourself, kissing might be "difficult" for some people and not for others. Same thing with the "Jesus in the room" argument. What people would "feel comfortable doing" would vary from person to person.

Obviouly, some people will use this to "get away" with doing things that they shouldn't, but ultimately, because of the nature of this thing, we can't determine that for them. I think it's fair to say that a person's conscience should be their only guide in this area, but it should play a significant role.

Very well said, I agree with this too.