Getting over anger & jealousy

[lulu]

Hi,

This is my first post on this forum, and I'm writing for advice & counseling.

I spend too much of my time feeling angry and jealous over situations, including situations that I have no control over. The result is not only that I feel bad about myself. But I don't think that God wants me to constantly be filled with these negative thoughts.

How do I get over these feelings?
How have you gotten over feelings of anger or jealousy?

thanks

 

[honeybee2]

Hi,

This is my first post on this forum, and I'm writing for advice & counseling.

I spend too much of my time feeling angry and jealous over situations, including situations that I have no control over. The result is not only that I feel bad about myself. But I don't think that God wants me to constantly be filled with these negative thoughts.

How do I get over these feelings?
How have you gotten over feelings of anger or jealousy?

thanks

I used to be very jealous and one day my husband and i were talking about trust, and how jealousy is usually the result of that person not trusting themselves(unconsciously), so they think their mate is untrustworthy, and project their feelings onto them in the form of jealousy. When i stopped to think about it, and was honest with myself, i had to admit he had a point. Since then, we had to be apart for almost two years, and neither of us were 'jealous' or had any problems with trusting the other to be faithful.
As for being angry, just think if possible, how it would feel to be the other person involved. Try walking in the other person's shoes for just a few minutes to gain perspective. There are always two sides to every story. That has helped me quite a lot to understand from the 'other' point of view.
Hope that helps...

 

[rogsr]

Hello,
I can only give you my rule #1 of how not to be mad at people.

Rule #1: You can not effect the free will of another person. In other words, people are going to do whatever they want to do.

How this applies to relationships: Let's say you are dating a someone and they have wandering eyes. Every single time they walk or drive past an attractive person they check them out. This makes you furious, and jealous on the inside. However, it should not make you jealous because you can not make that person do anything they don't want to do. They do what they want this sounds simple, and it is, but you must think about it.

How this applies to encountering random people: Everyone has free choice to do what they want, so basically everything that we encounter is out of our control. If you remember this and stay mindful of it you will trust the Lord a whole lot more; because you have to.

Remember you are only responsible for your actions, and no one elses. I'm not saying be selfish, just remember that you are not at fault for other people actions.

God's peace to you

 

[Blessed-one]

anger can kill...
destroys relationship, makes you feel miserable..

walk away from things when you're angry, at least you won't spill this over other people, and you'll get some space to breath and reflect. This is also a good time to pray for peace and yes, reflection. Who's at fault here? what exactly is it that triggered the anger? most importantly, what can you do to get rid of it?
pray everytime these emotions come. Through God's help and constant reminding, perhaps that would help.. it's a process.

there's actually a bit on anger.. an exhortation not to be angry in chapter 2 of James. As for the ingredients of the Holy Spirit, i think patience might be the thing you're looking for.

 

[Christi]

Hi,

This is my first post on this forum, and I'm writing for advice & counseling.

I spend too much of my time feeling angry and jealous over situations, including situations that I have no control over. The result is not only that I feel bad about myself. But I don't think that God wants me to constantly be filled with these negative thoughts.

How do I get over these feelings?
How have you gotten over feelings of anger or jealousy?

thanks

I believe satan is responsible for feelings like this. And they are lies, because he's the father of lies. We are to take "every thought captive."

What has helped me, is this: I write down my feelings. No matter how tacky, or hateful, or shameful they are. I spew. Then I take my Bible and sentence by sentence, I mark them out and replace them with the Truth. It totally helps me, and I'd reccommend it as a practical way to overcome this. Plus, the scriptures will come back to you again and again.

 

[super_mog]

Then I take my Bible and sentence by sentence, I mark them out and replace them with the Truth. It totally helps me, and I'd reccommend it as a practical way to overcome this. Plus, the scriptures will come back to you again and again.

So you replace your feelings with scriptures from the Bible?

 

[Christi]

So you replace your feelings with scriptures from the Bible?

No. I replace the lies that my feelings are based on, with the truth of God's Word. I seek heavenly solutions to earthly problems.....and I find them there. I know it sounds cheesy, but it works.

 

[B-Real]

The best way that I know of to get over anger is forgiveness-and the best way to get over jealousy is acceptance. Pray

 

[Blindfaith316]

No. I replace the lies that my feelings are based on, with the truth of God's Word. I seek heavenly solutions to earthly problems.....and I find them there. I know it sounds cheesy, but it works.

this is a fantastic idea!!! I think I'll try this one myself!!

 

[super_mog]

No. I replace the lies that my feelings are based on, with the truth of God's Word. I seek heavenly solutions to earthly problems.....and I find them there. I know it sounds cheesy, but it works.

I mean where do you find the truth in the Bible. Let's say it's jealousy. Do you look it up and replace it with what you've found?

 

[Brenna]

Hi,

This is my first post on this forum, and I'm writing for advice & counseling.

I spend too much of my time feeling angry and jealous over situations, including situations that I have no control over. The result is not only that I feel bad about myself. But I don't think that God wants me to constantly be filled with these negative thoughts.

How do I get over these feelings?
How have you gotten over feelings of anger or jealousy?

thanks

I think "situations that I have no control over." It's easy to be carried away with feelings and forget that God is in control of every situation, ultimately. If you belong to God, whatever situation you are in has been filtered into your life through His approval for your own good. Sometimes it may not seem that way, but He's completing a good work in us. Keep your mind on things above. (I know it's easier said than done, though) Oh, and pray TONS.

 

[Alternate Carpark]

Hi,

I spend too much of my time feeling angry and jealous over situations, including situations that I have no control over.

Ephes. 4:26 (MsgB)
Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don't use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don't stay angry. Don't go to bed angry.

Nothing wrong with the emotion of being angry. God has designed us with emotions for a good reason. It's the acts and thoughts we choose to do that stem from the emotions that God is concerned about.

Dictionary: Jealous--(same as zealous)
1:---very watchful or careful in gaurding or keeping (positive)
2:---resentfully suspicious of a rival or a rival's influence.(negative)
3:---requiring exclusive loyalty (the Lord is a jealous God )(positive)

So it would seem that you need to find out which type of jealousy you are experiencing or expressing.

John 2:13-17 (MsgB)
When the Passover Feast, celebrated each spring by the Jews, was about to take place, Jesus traveled up to Jerusalem. [14] He found the Temple teeming with people selling cattle and sheep and doves. The loan sharks were also there in full strength.
[15] Jesus put together a whip out of strips of leather and chased them out of the Temple, stampeding the sheep and cattle, upending the tables of the loan sharks, spilling coins left and right. [16] He told the dove merchants, "Get your things out of here! Stop turning my Father's house into a shopping mall!" [17] That's when his disciples remembered the Scripture, "Zeal for your house consumes me."

This is always the best example of someone channeling their emotions positively. Was Jesus angry ? Oh yeah, you betcha ! He was furious ! Did he sin because he was angry ? NO ! Did he sin in his actions ? NO ! Why didn't the priests arrest Him for what He had done ? Because , although His actions were excessive, they were righteous.

The result is not only that I feel bad about myself. But I don't think that God wants me to constantly be filled with these negative thoughts.

Don't feel bad about yourself because you have feelings lulu. God has given us feelings to help us. It is the flesh that abuses these feelings and wants to lash out and hurt others. Emotional feelings are merely signals that we have to interpret what they are signalling us about. When you cut your finger, your God designed body sends "pain" signals to the brain to tell you there is something wrong with your finger. The logical thing to do is then tend to the wound to stop the pain.

The "pain" signal is not the problem or cause of the pain, it is merely a signal to get your attention to attend to the source of the problem.
Feelings are "signals" of the heart. If you feel happy, the emotion is telling you something or someone is making you happy. If you are feeling angry, the emotion is telling you that something or someone is affecting you to make you angry.

Emotions are information that should lead us to search for and understand the source of what is causing us to have the emotion. We do this subconsiously for "good" feelings, and we seek out that which makes us feel good so we may continue to feel good.
But when it comes to the so called "bad" feelings, we as humans, tend to try and drown out these bad feelings with good ones. Yet the "bad" feelings are as equally important as the "good" ones. As a matter of fact, they are probably more important, because they warn us that something is not right and needs our immediate attention, much like the pain feeling from the cut finger.

Feelings in themselves are neither good or bad, they are but signals to tell us something is affecting us. It's the thoughts and/or actions that we willfully choose to do that will be considered as good or bad, in the light of God. Hence the battle between the flesh and the spirit that rages within each of us.

For example--I suffered from manic depression (and a few other things) for 20 + years.
Depression is just extreme "negative ("bad") feelings about something, although these feelings can be quite complex and the accompanying negative thoughts that go along with it, keeps one in perpetual depression.

I then have three ways to deal with this depression.

1: Take medication( much like taking a painkiller for a headache) to subdue/cover over the negative feelings ( trying to have good feelings instead)or

2: Seek out to uncover the source of what is affecting me to have these negative feelings, which then causes me to have negative thoughts.
If I find out what is causing me to have these feelings, whether it be an internal or external source is irrelevant. Once I have exposed and removed the source, I will then gradually, over time, stop having the feelings , depending on the severity of the source problem and how long it takes me to retrain my thought life.

3: Do both, especially if the pain is too great to endure whilst seeking help from God.

Romans 12:2 (KJV)
And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

Romans 12:2 (MsgB)
Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

How do I get over these feelings?

How have you gotten over feelings of anger or jealousy?

The question should not be "How do I get over these feelings ?" but should be "What are these feelings trying to tell me and who should I ask to help me understand and to help me overcome and deal with the source of the problem ?"

I've always gone to God whenever something like this arises. He has answered personally, or He has led me to books or told someone to help me.
Either way , God is the answer to everything. He is my life.

 

[angelnstix]

Alternate Carpark,

I too have angry feelings and I think I do way too often. I too have dealt with depression. I lost my son to cancer, he was only 3. I get angry at times and yes I have even got angry at God, but it does not last very long, just moments. I wish I knew WHY my sweet son was taken from me. I miss him so terribly. This Sept 12 will make 10 years since he passed away and this year it really hitting me hard. I guess just the sound of it "10 years" gets to me. My heart hurts, you know before I lost him I heard people say ohhh my heart is broke. Well I always took that phrase lightly. Now I have this pain in my heart, and it is a real pain, it is broke. Its strange how you get that pain, but there is such thing as a broken heart and I think mine will be until I die. I am not in depression anymore, I stay very busy and get a lot of sunshine and have 2 other children that need me to keep it togther. But some days I fall apart and there are times I wonder if I will ever stop crying. It is hard. A good friend of mine lost her son last Oct to a 4-wheeler accident, so it has been extra hard since then. I try very hard not to be angry, but after reading your post I feel better about it. God did give us feelings and you made me see that one of them he gave us was anger. I do not coherently lash out at my family due to my anger but sometimes I know I do, like I may be in a bad mood and get snappy with my hubby, then later I fall apart and realize my inner feelings were being tucked away and I was not dealing with them and I realize the argument or whatever I did to lash out was because I missed my son so bad. I am remarried so the son I lost was not his. So he has to deal with having a wife that has a broken heart, and he does a wonderful job. God blessed me with a very loving man this time. Well I have rambled on and on, if you have any advice please share it with me as well. I was just really impressed with your reply to this forum and I respect you already. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this.
God bless, Christy

 

[angelnstix]

One more thing, anyone else out there with any advice for me I would really appreciate it as well. Or words of wisdom. Anything....
Christy

 

[lulu]

For all of you who have offered words of advise, I really, really appreciate it.

The wierd thing is, I am jealous of the attention & success of someone, BUT I do not want the attention or the success for myself. I want it for someone else.
And since I have no control over the lives of these two people, it is useless to have these feelings, but I still do.

And it's not like I don't want the first person to have success & praise, I just want the second person to also have suceess as well.