Getting Hit On

[The Nihilist]

It doesn't matter if he is or not. if he's speaking disrespectfully to a woman, some man should step in to deal with it. Before a woman has a partner, it's her father or brother. If she has a partner, it's her job. I don't get this presumption that standing up for your partner when she is offended or frightened by unwelcome advances is "immature," whereas laughing at her and belittling her feelings is "mature." We're not talking about physical force. We're not talking about yelling and screaming. We're talking about just forcefully saying, "do not speak to my partner that way, sir." And a whole passel of guys in this thread seemed scared of that very idea.

It's sad that we've created that negative an image of a man's protective role. And it is "we," as in males: even KatAutumn, whom I've noted is one of the more liberal Christian women on here, sees it as proper for her husband to step in if someone is being "creepy" toward her or making unwelcome advances. It's been my experience that men who argue against it are just afraid of conflict--and if you love avoiding conflict more than you love your partner's safety and comfort, that's a serious attitude problem.

We may have been talking past each other this whole time. Does it bother you if a man hits on your special lady in a way that's not creepy or offensive?

 

[citizenthom]

We may have been talking past each other this whole time. Does it bother you if a man hits on your special lady in a way that's not creepy or offensive?

Honestly? When I think about it, I'm not sure. My fiancee works retail, specifically in cosmetics; pretty much every guy who hits on her is A.) multiple times her age, or B.) married. And she and I both consider it offensive any time a guy hits on her now that she has a very noticeable ring on her finger. And whenever she goes out, she's usually with either my future sister-in-law, her parents, her friends, or me.

So, you may be right: I may just have little frame of reference for normal flirting, because my fiancee doesn't get into situations where that happens.

 

[CrystalBrooke]

I used to get hit on all the time, but now that I'm engaged it's much less frequent. I purposefully would not go to a bar without Charlie before we got engaged because even the times we were there together if he wasn't right with me I'd get hit on. Now I guess they can see my ring and just avoid me. I have had a few men hit on me and I just say thank you (they usually tell me I'm beautiful..would love to have you're number..blah blah), but I'm engaged..and flash my ring at them. Charlie doesn't get upset because I've not had a man say or do anything offensive to me. He did get a little frustrated one time in Wal*Mart because a group of young men that I used to know stopped and proceeded to stare at my back side...

 

[Windmill]

Citizen, if the girl isn't upset, then who cares? Just leave it be.

I think you're just calling it "disrespectful" to try and justify it. I don't think you're worried about that all. As you said earlier;

That's bull. Jealousy and possessiveness are what a man should feel when another man attempts to usurp his place, especially with his partner. He shows weakness of character only when he fails to control those emotions--that is, lets them become action--or when he hides or lies about them.

You said here nothing about being disrespectful. It has everything to do what you said: the attempt to usurp your position.

I think in the case of this, you have no justifiable reason to be jealous. Only if you were insecure about her feelings for you should you feel insecure. But if she wants to date you, then whats the big deal? None at all, you shouldn't get upset unless she's upset. If you're feeling upset by it, it indicates that you're feeling insecure about the relationship if you feel a guy even has a chance to usurp your position as the boyfriend.

 

[thatdrummer]

i get upset with my girlfriend when stuff like this happens...

i understand its out of her control, but well what else am i going to do? lol

some times its her fault because she wears clothes that are a little too tight

which ive already fought about it with her a trillion times, but she got the point already

but yea its just i get upset because i dont want anything to happen to her...

people in this world are bad and the last thing i need is for someone to do something to my girlfriend...

 

[BranwenUerchLlyr]

i get upset with my girlfriend when stuff like this happens...

i understand its out of her control, but well what else am i going to do? lol

some times its her fault because she wears clothes that are a little too tight

which ive already fought about it with her a trillion times, but she got the point already

but yea its just i get upset because i dont want anything to happen to her...

people in this world are bad and the last thing i need is for someone to do something to my girlfriend...

I don't think her clothes are most of what's to blame. Nothing stops some guys from seeing right through them, even if she's in a hoodie.

 

[The Nihilist]

i get upset with my girlfriend when stuff like this happens...

i understand its out of her control, but well what else am i going to do? lol

Did you trying growing up and being a man about it?

 

[thatdrummer]

I don't think her clothes are most of what's to blame. Nothing stops some guys from seeing right through them, even if she's in a hoodie.

guys dont look at just any girl

they look for curves

and unfortunately she has alot of that

and she likes to wear v necks which i cant understand why

and it upsets me

but i told her that she has to stop

and she has

so were good

Did you trying growing up and being a man about it?

growing up and being a man about it?

if you dont care about you girlfriend

or whatever you like

then thats on you

a "real man"

takes care of their woman

so you need to change your mindset on what a man really is.

 

[CrystalBrooke]

ha...Charlie tried to tell me what to wear once..and only once. I'll ask for his opinion, but if she just flat out tells me to change..not. gonna. happen.

 

[The Nihilist]

growing up and being a man about it?

if you dont care about you girlfriend

or whatever you like

then thats on you

a "real man"

takes care of their woman

so you need to change your mindset on what a man really is.

Getting upset at her is your idea of taking care of a woman, is it?

 

[Luther073082]

If someone makes an innocent pass at my wife, I'm not really all that concerned.

I think it indicates that a man isn't feeling so confident about his SO's loyalties if he gets upset about something like that.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

When we were just dating, if Kirk told me about getting hit on by someone random it did not bother me. After all, they are a stranger and do not know you are in a relationship. However, if it had been someone who did know his relationship status, it would have thoroughly ticked me off. And of course now that he has a ring on his finger, if someone hit on him it would tick me off even more.

 

[Luther073082]

When we were just dating, if Kirk told me about getting hit on by someone random it did not bother me. After all, they are a stranger and do not know you are in a relationship. However, if it had been someone who did know his relationship status, it would have thoroughly ticked me off. And of course now that he has a ring on his finger, if someone hit on him it would tick me off even more.

I'd just show them the ring. Its always possible they didn't notice. Being silent would also save them face in case they didn't notice and it wouldn't make a big scene.

If it was continued then I would think it a form of harrassment. In which case that takes it to another level.

 

[mattybartholomew]

I'm primarily interested in the male opinion but any is welcome!

If your girlfriend explains an instance in which she was hit on by a random stranger, how does this make you feel?

It's not news to me when it happens. If you date someone, I assume you find that person attractive, and unless they are straight up ugly ---others will probably find your mate attractive too, right?

I don't get upset or jealous at all anymore.

It gives me great pride when another guy finds my gf attractive. It also gives my ego a boost when guys will try to pick up a girl I'm with and she grabs my hand and says she's taken.

IF my girl has high interest in me and I am doing my job as a man and treating her right, playing my role I really don't have any fears of her going for another guy. Now with that being said, not every relationship works out. If not due to any error I've made, she fancies another guy more than she likes me, so be it---better to know the scoop then to waste time being deluded.