Getting a yes.....a guy's perspective.

[sunshinejennii]

It's from Pride and Prejudice. Mr. Collins thinks that a denial is really just an expression of modesty, and that it's an encouragement to continue his advances. It's pretty funny.

Now the REAL question (for serious browny points with women) is have you read it, or seen it, and if you've seen it was it the tv adapation or the film?!

 

[renaistre]

Now the REAL question (for serious browny points with women) is have you read it, or seen it, and if you've seen it was it the tv adapation or the film?!

I've read it, and I've seen the A&E / BBC version. Those two were good. From what I've heard, I'm not interested in seeing any of the other three movie versions.

 

[sunshinejennii]

Wow I'm impressed! The latest film version wasn't TOO bad, although a lot of the book was cut out, and the cast as a whole were slightly too hollywood and not as attractive in an english manner as the BBC cast was.

 

[Deliberatetourist]

Heh, take notes, guys, if you ever ask out little tigress or Macrina. If, on the other hand, you ask out one of the other 3,000,000,000 women in the world...

Which is more fair, a generalization based on yourself as a woman, or a generalization based on personal experience with dozens of different women? Which is the larger database? You may know how YOU would react, but how does that help me with the next 5 women I ask out, none of which are you?

I think both the tourist and tsar have good suggestions. Personally, I'd take it one step further, if I really liked the woman, and she turned me down. I'd take another woman, and afterwards tell the first one what fun it was. This emphasizes a couple of things:

1. I'm not obsessing over you

2. I'm a fun guy, which other woman can see, even if you can't

You don't want her thinking that no other woman will go out with you, either. You do want her thinking that other women find you desirable.

I love this! This was exactly what I was struggling with finding the words to say.

 

[Macrina]

Heh, take notes, guys, if you ever ask out little tigress or Macrina. If, on the other hand, you ask out one of the other 3,000,000,000 women in the world...

Which is more fair, a generalization based on yourself as a woman, or a generalization based on personal experience with dozens of different women? Which is the larger database? You may know how YOU would react, but how does that help me with the next 5 women I ask out, none of which are you?

Hey, I can only speak for myself, and didn't claim to speak for the other 3,000,000,000. *shrug*

You know, I kinda like the thought that LT and I are just two out of billions. Makes a girl feel speshul.

 

[Blank123]

Hey, I can only speak for myself, and didn't claim to speak for the other 3,000,000,000. *shrug*

You know, I kinda like the thought that LT and I are just two out of billions. Makes a girl feel speshul.

 

[Macrina]

It's from Pride and Prejudice. Mr. Collins thinks that a denial is really just an expression of modesty, and that it's an encouragement to continue his advances. It's pretty funny.

Oh, I get it now. It's been forever since I read the book. No, that approach wouldn't work so well for me, I'm afraid.

 

[traingosorry]

I am lead to believe by the OP's words that he has been burned in the past and that he believes he is likely to have his EGO thrown out with the trash again. I am not so sure why such great measures have to be taken in order to prevent this from happening.

I can assure you, should I be asked on a date in such a way that I was told I could be guaranteed a GREAT time, I would certainly have some red flags go up about this person's character. I would rather be asked for my company in a manner that is maybe a bit nervous and unsure, a little hopeful rather than a sales approach with an air of cockiness as though not much is riding on my answer. This attitude would definitely land a 'No.'

To have this same gentleman come back and rub it in my face about what a GREAT time was had by himself and another female companion, would only confirm what little class and confidence he has and make me relieved I didn't have that headache to deal with later - because I imagine there would be more deeper issues lying in wait.

The man who got me in the end, had enough respect for the both of us to give me the space to choose for myself, with no tricky pressure tactics involved. I also had enough of a heart not to play with his mind or tease (it seems from this thread that the male experience is that women are 'heartless') and returned the care he gave me. He was very classy and endearing and didn't get burned as a result!

There's risk in everything... and maybe it helps us fight a little harder for the ones we really want.

 

[renaistre]

Hey, I can only speak for myself, and didn't claim to speak for the other 3,000,000,000. *shrug*

You know, I kinda like the thought that LT and I are just two out of billions. Makes a girl feel speshul.

Time for another Brad Paisley song. I love this guy. He always writes songs that fit in with real life.

 

[blairellis]

One thing I will say, is Im not going to play games to get a date. If shes playing games with me, well, thats her loss and I understand that it is basically a coverup for a poor self image and she saved me a whole bunch of time, money and effort. The other side to the coin is, she also missed out on something great. I know who I am and what I offer as far as a relationship would be concerned.

Now on the other hand, dating a woman and pursuing her, (Using the wild at heart book here) is a good thing. If you havent read any of Eldrichs books, you need to put down the mouse and lay off the keyboard and go get into one of his or his wifes books.

 

[Deliberatetourist]

One thing I will say, is Im not going to play games to get a date. If shes playing games with me, well, thats her loss and I understand that it is basically a coverup for a poor self image and she saved me a whole bunch of time, money and effort. The other side to the coin is, she also missed out on something great. I know who I am and what I offer as far as a relationship would be concerned.

Now on the other hand, dating a woman and pursuing her, (Using the wild at heart book here) is a good thing. If you havent read any of Eldrichs books, you need to put down the mouse and lay off the keyboard and go get into one of his or his wifes books.

Can't find anything wrong with anything you said. But I will say that this thread is about getting that first date. What if the girls you were attracted to were some sort of game players to a degree (maybe out of defensiveness) and the girls you DO have access to you could give a rat about? Been there.

 

[Macrina]

One thing I will say, is Im not going to play games to get a date. If shes playing games with me, well, thats her loss and I understand that it is basically a coverup for a poor self image and she saved me a whole bunch of time, money and effort. The other side to the coin is, she also missed out on something great. I know who I am and what I offer as far as a relationship would be concerned.

 

[Llauralin]

Deliberatetourist:

I'm sorry if this is offensive, but... well... I've been reading your posts here and in other threads, and almost without exception they're trhowing up masses of red flags. I wouldn't go out one date with a person who approaches things as you do, no matter how I were asked.

Forgive me if this isn't what you're intending to say, but what I have from you so far is: Act cocky, fake uber-confidence, and if she refuses rub it in her face that you didn't actually care about her, had exactly the same experience with another girl (who you just used BTW), and that she missed out on a really good time. If the nice girls still refuse to go out with you, pretend to be interested in missions, and go on a trip to the Phillipines, sponsered by others, because there the nice women will think you're something really special, give your ego a boost, andd possibly go out with you, because they can't recognize Western signals for "I am an uncaring creep."

 

[Highland Watchman]

It's from Pride and Prejudice. Mr. Collins thinks that a denial is really just an expression of modesty, and that it's an encouragement to continue his advances. It's pretty funny.

Or, it's like the earlier stages of the movie Hitch, where all of the classic lines are given... "I'm not interested in a relationship right now", "I am too busy with work", etc. And then he says that they're lies. And really, the choice goes down to "try harder", or "get out of my face!"

From what I am getting here from the reactions of the ladies, this doesn't seem to be the case. But once again, it brings us back to the earlier fundamental problem of "how do you know?"

I am intrigued by the "soft invite" idea, though, that was mentioned earlier. (I am doing X. You want to come?) Perhaps I should try that.

 

[Deliberatetourist]

Deliberatetourist:

I'm sorry if this is offensive, but... well... I've been reading your posts here and in other threads, and almost without exception they're trhowing up masses of red flags. I wouldn't go out one date with a person who approaches things as you do, no matter how I were asked.

Forgive me if this isn't what you're intending to say, but what I have from you so far is: Act cocky, fake uber-confidence, and if she refuses rub it in her face that you didn't actually care about her, had exactly the same experience with another girl (who you just used BTW), and that she missed out on a really good time. If the nice girls still refuse to go out with you, pretend to be interested in missions, and go on a trip to the Phillipines, sponsered by others, because there the nice women will think you're something really special, give your ego a boost, andd possibly go out with you, because they can't recognize Western signals for "I am an uncaring creep."

One, you wouldn't go out with me anyway because of the taboo of age difference so that's a moot point. I'm not acting cocky I am merely acting confident. And regardless of your assumptions, my approach has generated more yes responses than I previously had. I will be the first to point out that it IS a form of rhetorical manipulation but if it gets me a date and some time to prove myself with a person who would otherwise reject me then I say go for it. There were a couple women who agreed to go out with me and later admitted that they really only agreed to because I had "vebally bested them". But then they said that afterward when they were on the date they really had a good time and were glad they went. There are a lot of people in this board who have thrown out many scenarios but it's all in theory. A hallmark of the female psyche is that there is usually a marked difference between what you all say you want and will accept and what you actually end up with.

And as for your comments about the missions trips...I for one am not above doing anything if it ends up in increased options that will lend themselves to a more happy and fulfilling lifestyle for myself. I have never been on a missions trip let alone taking up the opportunity to find a mate. I am an expatriate and this is my lifestyle. I merely recommended that as a way for the less innitiated and adventurous who may have never been out of the "comfort" of the States to go about such a venture in a manner that would be safe and comfortable for them. I say if it's there use it. I don't have to becasue I am here already.

 

[Alexander1982]

So from what I read so far and this is what I have interpreted is this

A guy who likes a girl and takes up the courage to ask her out, but she says no.....it is the girl who is on the losing side but not the guy...

 

[Deliberatetourist]

So from what I read so far and this is what I have interpreted is this

A guy who likes a girl and takes up the courage to ask her out, but she says no.....it is the girl who is on the losing side but not the guy...

In reality that may not be the case but that is how it is portrayed in order to get the desired response. No one likes to lose.

 

[Alexander1982]

If it not the case in reality, what is it that the guy loses? Apart from dignity

 

[Deliberatetourist]

If it not the case in reality, what is it that the guy loses? Apart from dignity

Why would you lose dignity? Is there any more dignity in getting slammed by 10 gals in a row because you couldn't get past their contrived defense mechanisms? If the afforementioned approach works then one guy is gonna be enjoying an evening with the gal he wanted to be with while you , "Mr. Dignity" are sitting in your private corner trying to ignore all the undesirable types who are vyeing for your attention.

 

[vibrant]

you couldn't get past their contrived defense mechanisms?

i know i have defence mechanisms for a reason. they serve to protect me, my body, my heart, and my emotions, because it's not easy or safe to be a young woman.