Get married?

[fight4christ]

Alright everyone...I need some real help here...

I got engaged in May to the girl of my dreams, and we are facing a dilemma.......
Let me give you some background....

Me: 22 yrs old...full time student...cant work due to intense school program....2 years to go...


Her: 21 yrs old same schooling difficulties....but she works just on the weekend as a server..... year and a half till shes done with school and making a steady $50,000...

I know that there are tons of details necessary to make a good choice but we dont feel like we are supposed to wait till we finish school to get married....so we were thinking about looking into student loans and just paying them off after school.....I heard you get better rates when you're married students...

our expenses would be...
rent
food
vehicle payments
insurance (health and auto)
School

....so I guess my question would be ...is it doable?...anyone else here ever in this situation?....how did you do it?

How would you recommend doing it?
God bless..and thanks for your help

 

[puddleoffaith]

The keyword is "will be making 50 000"
I would wait until she is done school and actually making this money. There is this little thing called compound interest that could make your life difficult if you try and live for 1.5 years on very little income. 1.5 years is nothing and you may as well enjoy being engaged-you're still incredibly young.

 

[Lupinus]

I wouldn't bother waiting. Course, in my opinion we as a society wait way to long to get married waiting for this or that to be perfect.

You found someone, you love them, you wanna be with them. Get married and go from there.

 

[peanutbutter12]

I agree with puddle. Until she *IS* making $50,000/yr, I would hold off. I've rarely ever heard of a college student making that much right out of college. In fact, it's very rare these days that a college student even gets a job in his or her major for many many years after they graduate.

Here is what it boils down to... and I really should write a perma post to use over and over again for as many times as this topic comes up. Do not jump into a marriage without knowing that you will be able to afford it. I don't care what people say about how love is all you need, how you can get by scraping the bottom of the barrel and barely being able to afford food for the table. If you can't afford it, there is no good reason to jump into it. Money is the leading cause of divorce and relationships turning sour, even in the Christian realm.

You need to both use your heads when it comes to this and figure out what needs to be figured out. Sit down, figure out all your bills current and future, and figure out if you can afford it on what you both make now. Don't go by what you think you will be making, because nothing is definite, and more often than not these days ends up not happening the way you planned.

The one thing you don't want to happen is to jump into it and have things go sour.

 

[HunnyBee]

I agree with puddle as well, I think it's better to wait until she is making an income.

 

[Lyle]

Money is HUGE in merriage. I mean -H-U-G-E-. it isn't everything at all, but it is not to be over looked. The thing is is that this world devours money. it loves money. When you don't have evnough coins to feed it and it's hugry and can be stressful. it's more the stress that can come that can ruin. Women want to be taken care of. Not always that the man bears to the full burden, but they like to feel secure, generally speaking. it is important, as far as Biblical requirements go, that you should be able to provide.

if you are engaged, wait. I know that sounds really hard, but it'll be better in the long run. Time goes by quickly.

 

[Multi-Elis]

But why would the cost of being married and living together be bigger than what you are each spending now?

I don't know how it works in other cities, but in Paris renting a small studio ranges from 450€ to 900€. My friend who lives with her boyfriend (read that "married" if they lived 100 years ago) pays 250€ for her share of the rent, so it comes out cheaper because they live together. So she only needs to work on Wednesdays, babysitting, to make ends meet. So living together made things cheaper.

As to when you should marry, I don't know. My parents are all for marrying when you've found a suitable partner if you are willing and able to bear the consequences. I have a friend who married at 18 (she's now 33), and "knew it was for life" and she has spent the last 15 years of her life "alternating": her husband worked while she went to university, (but she didn't get any credit, so no diplomas) then she worked while her husband studied, then they came to Paris, and he worked while she studied (she got pregnant before she could finish her degree). The result is they are still low wage earners, her husband is getting to his last year as a doctorate (but that won't raise his wages), and she continues to work from home while raising their child. But they still absolutely love each other, and it would be difficult for them to regret getting married at 18, I think...

 

[Apollo Celestio]

I don't see why not. If you're going to do it anyway.

 

[ryanb6]

Alright everyone...I need some real help here...

I got engaged in May to the girl of my dreams, and we are facing a dilemma.......
Let me give you some background....

Me: 22 yrs old...full time student...cant work due to intense school program....2 years to go...


Her: 21 yrs old same schooling difficulties....but she works just on the weekend as a server..... year and a half till shes done with school and making a steady $50,000...

I know that there are tons of details necessary to make a good choice but we dont feel like we are supposed to wait till we finish school to get married....so we were thinking about looking into student loans and just paying them off after school.....I heard you get better rates when you're married students...

our expenses would be...
rent
food
vehicle payments
insurance (health and auto)
School

....so I guess my question would be ...is it doable?...anyone else here ever in this situation?....how did you do it?

How would you recommend doing it?
God bless..and thanks for your help

well whatever you do don't get married because you get better rates. that wouldn't be a good reason.

 

[puddleoffaith]

well whatever you do don't get married because you get better rates. that wouldn't be a good reason.

ya, especially since the lower rates are there for a reason-institutions KNOW that married people, especially young married people, struggle financially and need the lower rates to keep their car on the road, pay back student loans, etc. Don't think it's just a "you're married so we'll do this for you so you'll get off easy" type thing. You'll be working just as hard to pay for it, if not more.

 

[Briseis]

I dont know all your details, so cant you just make a budget and see if you could make it? Its really not that difficult. But it doesnt sound like it if you are not working and she only works on weekends. I have a part-time job, about 20 hrs a week. I make about $800/month, with rent at $320, and all the other expenses, I know me and my bf couldnt make it. We need to wait for him to finish school. Just add up the numbers.

 

[Luther073082]

I agree with puddle. Until she *IS* making $50,000/yr, I would hold off. I've rarely ever heard of a college student making that much right out of college. In fact, it's very rare these days that a college student even gets a job in his or her major for many many years after they graduate.

Here is what it boils down to... and I really should write a perma post to use over and over again for as many times as this topic comes up. Do not jump into a marriage without knowing that you will be able to afford it. I don't care what people say about how love is all you need, how you can get by scraping the bottom of the barrel and barely being able to afford food for the table. If you can't afford it, there is no good reason to jump into it. Money is the leading cause of divorce and relationships turning sour, even in the Christian realm.

You need to both use your heads when it comes to this and figure out what needs to be figured out. Sit down, figure out all your bills current and future, and figure out if you can afford it on what you both make now. Don't go by what you think you will be making, because nothing is definite, and more often than not these days ends up not happening the way you planned.

The one thing you don't want to happen is to jump into it and have things go sour.

I agree with the above.

My feelings is you need to wait til at least one of you is in a financially stable position in order to take care of the other.

Preferably both. . .

Also watch your debts, agree on how you will spend money, do pre-marital counciling.

I would just do a 2 or 3 year long engagement. No need to rush things, this gives you plenty of time to not only be certain you are marrying the right person but also to prepare for an plan everything.

No rush dude, finish your education.

 

[moerunamida]

I agree with Puddle and everyone else agreeing with Puddle: wait. You will have the rest of your lives to be together and married? Why not wait for a little more financial security? You are already in love, and that will not fizzle out. Congrats too, by the way

 

[Teufelhund]

Alright everyone...I need some real help here...

I got engaged in May to the girl of my dreams, and we are facing a dilemma.......
Let me give you some background....

Me: 22 yrs old...full time student...cant work due to intense school program....2 years to go...


Her: 21 yrs old same schooling difficulties....but she works just on the weekend as a server..... year and a half till shes done with school and making a steady $50,000...

I know that there are tons of details necessary to make a good choice but we dont feel like we are supposed to wait till we finish school to get married....so we were thinking about looking into student loans and just paying them off after school.....I heard you get better rates when you're married students...

our expenses would be...
rent
food
vehicle payments
insurance (health and auto)
School

....so I guess my question would be ...is it doable?...anyone else here ever in this situation?....how did you do it?

How would you recommend doing it?
God bless..and thanks for your help

It is "doable" but I would recommend waiting unless there is some extraneous circumstance which would make it a good idea to be married immediately. I am presently engaged, and I have a steady job, and I am waiting a year, the only reason why we are planning on getting married even that soon is because of my being in the military. Which means that unless we are married there is little guarantee we will ever be able to spend time together. Even so it is still not a decision to be made lightly, definitely at least one of you should have a steady full-time job, and be able to effectively afford housing, food, rent etc.

 

[katluver3781]

OK, one thing you said:

Student loans.. I really don't think you could get enough student loans to pay for everything. If you could, you would spend the rest of your lives paying them off... No fun. How short is 2 years in comparison to the rest of your life? Draw a time-line of your life (end it at like 70 or something.) Mark your age now. Mark your age when you get out of school. In comparison, is it really such a long time to wait?

 

[Lupinus]

Can you afford to live now in separate house, separate bills, etc?

If you can, then you can afford to live under one roof with half the utility bills.

 

[sabresfan226]

I was in a similar situation with my wife before we got married. There is a very large amount to readjust to financially with getting married. For one thing you student aid will hold your spouse's income against you. Also making a new budget where your money isn't YOUR money takes some getting used to. Try to wait until after college if you can. God willing you will only get married once so try to make sure you have the money for it to go the way you want it to.

 

[Maxwell511]

Alright everyone...I need some real help here...

I got engaged in May to the girl of my dreams, and we are facing a dilemma.......
Let me give you some background....

Me: 22 yrs old...full time student...cant work due to intense school program....2 years to go...


Her: 21 yrs old same schooling difficulties....but she works just on the weekend as a server..... year and a half till shes done with school and making a steady $50,000...

I know that there are tons of details necessary to make a good choice but we dont feel like we are supposed to wait till we finish school to get married....so we were thinking about looking into student loans and just paying them off after school.....I heard you get better rates when you're married students...

our expenses would be...
rent
food
vehicle payments
insurance (health and auto)
School

....so I guess my question would be ...is it doable?...anyone else here ever in this situation?....how did you do it?

How would you recommend doing it?
God bless..and thanks for your help

What is the rush? I assume since you want to marry her you also want to have children with her. Getting in needless debt just sets the time we you can financially afford to have kids back more.

 

[TwistTim]

I wouldn't bother waiting. Course, in my opinion we as a society wait way to long to get married waiting for this or that to be perfect.

You found someone, you love them, you wanna be with them. Get married and go from there.

Quoted for Truth.

If it's love, and you left that detail out mister.... then you don't need a Mercedes Benz in the Drive before you pop the question, you need to know if you are both in the right place with God (Another important detail you left out... unfortunate oversight or a given?) and in the right place, maturity wise and relationship wise to pursue that next step in your life together.
("Your life" singular as in you two become one flesh, and no longer fight4Christ and girlfriend, but Mr. and Mrs. Fight4Christ same name, purpose, goal, marriage is the union of souls, not just bodies)......


if you are after serious investigation in the right place spiritual, emotionally, mentally and maturity wise and are ready to be committed for life to each other, than move forward.... if you lack in one area wait for it, if you lack in more than one.... definitely wait..... if you lack in all, keep dating and hope it gets better, but it might not....

 

[K9_Trainer]

If she will be making $50000 a year, then of course you can make it!

My mother lost her job last year (actually, year before last, my how time flies). That year, we had a mere 30k of income from basically nothing but social security and my dad's carpenter's pension. But with that, we were still able to support our 3 person family, along with my 50 some odd critters. Luckily now, we are back to being upper class citizens with a 100k a year income.

One could tell you to wait because she isn't yet making that much money.....But she could lose that job at any moment once she gets it and you'll be back to where you started. Just have a some faith. Even if it doesn't work, you'll have gotten a good experience from it (assuming you can move back in with parents )