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Genuinely Torn...

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LittleGirlLost

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I've already posted aobut my history so I won't get into it again. Basically, for those who haven't read what I wrote the short version is that I was Christian, studied my way out of it and have been an atheist for a few years now. I have been feeling 'not quite right' so I started looking into Christianity again. Heres my problem...

On one hand, I think maybe I don't feel right because God is missing. On the other hand, I can't make Christianity reasonable in my mind. I couldn't make another religion reasonable because I'm in a Christian family/society whatever... Agnostic doesn't really describe me. Nor does Deist. It's not so much that I believe in God as it is that I just don't feel right. But then again, praying doesn't feel right, reading the Bible doesn't feel right, the idea of raising my kids in church doesn't feel right.

I just don't know where to go from here.
 

scraparcs

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You know how there's so many stories of people who convert to Christianity and are suddenly totally on fire for God? There's a number of stories you don't hear about people who quietly and gradually become followers of Christ, but aren't terribly comfortable with it at first. At first, one might go to church once every few weeks or months...it just seems weird. Reading the Bible seems weird, bringing kids to church seems weird. But over time, it becomes a little bit more normal, and you don't want to run away so much when you are exposed to Christianity.

For many, it's perfectly reasonable that all this Christian stuff right now will seem weird, and you might well only go with the kids to church every once in a while for some time. (Of course, it may always be weird to be around church!)

Sending thoughts and prayers to ya! :)
 
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Druweid

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LittleGirlLost said:
On one hand, I think maybe I don't feel right because God is missing. On the other hand, I can't make Christianity reasonable in my mind. I couldn't make another religion reasonable because I'm in a Christian family/society whatever... Agnostic doesn't really describe me. Nor does Deist. It's not so much that I believe in God as it is that I just don't feel right. But then again, praying doesn't feel right, reading the Bible doesn't feel right, the idea of raising my kids in church doesn't feel right.

I just don't know where to go from here.
Greetings!

I've often thought that a life without some connection to faith is like sailing the ocean without a boat. Sure, it seems like a blast at first, but then you get tired, and realize all you're really doing is floundering in the middle of a huge ocean.

Where to go from here? A good question indeed. I've always liked the saying "a journey of a thousand miles begins with but a single step." Don't focus so much on the thousand miles, just keep mindful of the steps.

You seem to know what doesn't feel right. At this point, it may be more constructive to start talking in terms of what DOES feel right. What do you remember from your faith in the past that you liked? That you loved? Of all your experiences with Christianity, what do you miss the most? And most importantly, when you sit quietly, relaxed, and at peace (or some semblance of peace), while saying a simple prayer to God for guidance, what comes from deep inside you, from your heart of hearts, that you truly believe? That God is here? That Jesus was a pretty cool guy? That Catholic priest wear some pretty funky robes? No matter how simple, mundane, or seemingly silly, connecting to your most basic beliefs can be very helpful in finding further answers. And please don't rely too heavily on scientific evidence to support your beliefs. Almost every religion in the world requires at least one 'leap of faith.' Without that leap, it's just not a religion, it's a philosophy. Having a philosophy is fine, but may lack for certain spiritual qualities.

Your next choice of faith may not be the right one for you, and that's okay. We are all allowed to be wrong from time to time. The important thing, imho, is that you learn what you like or don't like from the previous, and with that knowledge, move on to the next. You'll find your way soon enough.

Respectfully, with best wishes,
-- Druweid
 
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Deb7777

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Littlegirllost, you've done alot of study, made alot of conclusions, thought you had an answer, atheism, but at the moment not quite sure, maybe's something's missing but what? You might think this might just pass and you'll be back to your previous conclusions, that's very possible. You've studied your way out of Christianity, you've made some pretty important decisions regarding Christ. Christianity is about Christ, he is or he isn't who he said he is, the Savior of the World. In your search for the truth, I think you really need to revisit the person of Christ. The lives of the Saints is very powerful reading to see Christ working in every age, with incredible signs and miracles in those who let Christ strengthen the faith of those around them. Miracles are sometimes given, sometimes not, but they have occurred especially with missionaries bringing the faith to people who worshipped in deep-seated traditions of their ancestors. They needed a few miracles to show them true worship of God and not stick & stones, superstition, etc. Its interesting of all the religions on earth, the one you hear most, if not all miracles is Christianity, in the name of Christ. You have to wonder, why is God blessing peoples faith throughout these past centuries with miracles, acts only God could perform. I thought I'd mention the Lives of the Saints as a resource in your searching and probing these days, God bless
 
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TheSonsAnvil

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Think with your heart, not with your head.

I think I've told you this before, but stop worrying about what other people think. And especially, what they think they know.

When you experience the baptism of fire, then you will know for sure. There is your proof. Forget about evangelists, theologies, church and state, the pope, the priests, the ministers, the communion, and the offerings.

Close your eyes, and imagine a bulldozer pushing all the words and all the nonsense aside. The only thing left is you...and God. Speak your mind, and let Him smile on your heart, and you will feel the fire.

Too many riddles. Just stop thinking for a while, and turn off all the electronics.
 
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anunbeliever

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You sound sincere. When you had faith, you were ernest enough to study it. My opinion is; if you are open to God being real, if you are searching for him, if you are willing to commit to him should he be real to you, then the onus is on God to reveal himself.

For me, having someone extol the accuracy of the Bible and the logic of Christianity was not enough. There are just as many people presenting convincing arguments for the reverse. If God is personal, then let him show it.
 
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Phospho

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Littlegirllost...how are you doing, any better?

I have not caught your whole history that you said you posted earlier, but one thing you said here caught my attention. You said that you were once a Christian but you "studied your way out of it." My suggestion is that you now do the opposite and study your way back in to it. I don't know what you read or studied that made you think God was no longer there, but it doesn't sound to me like you had the right understanding from the beginning.

The faith that God speaks about usually begins as "blind" faith, but God actually demands that we grow up in our faith, that our faith in Him is founded on hard, cold facts of both nature and history. The walls of Jericho fell outward and flat when Joshua obeyed God...walled cities like Jericho, their walls do not fall outward and flat, they fall inward or straight down because of the pressure, stress and wieght of the dwellings built up attached to the inside of the walls. Jericho's walls fell outward and flat...all four of them, just as Scripture states...only God could have done that.

Our faith is the ONLY faith in the world that is based upon the facts of nature (which can be demonstrated by science) and the facts of history codified by the science of Archeology. Our faith is based upon facts, not fantasy or story tellings. A very good book for you to get ahold of is "The Evidence that Demands a Verdict" by Josh McDowell, it goes over everything as far as fact-based faith in Christ. He used to be a lawyer who set out to disprove evidentially the Bible and the fact of God...he, as so many others who have honestly set out to do so, has come back a believer...because the facts demand such a verdict.

Check it out, the cost is well worth it...we are talking about the eternal destiny of both you and your family. They used to be in 2 volumes, but now he has condensed them into one. Happy studying!!!

Blessings!
 
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Davis

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I want to say one thing and then I will let others respond.
Its not about a feeling. Feelings will not always direct you in the right path. The heart can be deceived and thats where most of our feelings come from. Just put your trust in the Word of God and continue to seek Him like others have said. Its not about a feeling when your praying, its not about a feeling when your sitting in church, its not about a feeling when your reading the bible. Its about worshiping the Lord. When you fulling trust in Him, get right with Him, and realize that its not about you and its all about Him, then the void and hole will be filled. Trust the Word of God, not your feelings.
 
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bethdinsmore

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LittleGirlLost said:
I've already posted aobut my history so I won't get into it again. Basically, for those who haven't read what I wrote the short version is that I was Christian, studied my way out of it and have been an atheist for a few years now. I have been feeling 'not quite right' so I started looking into Christianity again. Heres my problem...

On one hand, I think maybe I don't feel right because God is missing. On the other hand, I can't make Christianity reasonable in my mind. I couldn't make another religion reasonable because I'm in a Christian family/society whatever... Agnostic doesn't really describe me. Nor does Deist. It's not so much that I believe in God as it is that I just don't feel right. But then again, praying doesn't feel right, reading the Bible doesn't feel right, the idea of raising my kids in church doesn't feel right.

I just don't know where to go from here.
(highlighting by bethdinsmore)

Sorry, friend, for your quandry. Not a comfortable place to be.

I noted you said you have been an atheist for some time. From my profile page, here is the road I took to find that Christianity was reasonable, in case the same road might interest you as well:

"Personal Testimony - How I became a Christian:
Raised in a liberal denomination, I became an atheist. Later I became demon oppressed as a result of playing the Ouija board. I was terrified for a couple of years. When demonic things happened, I would pray (some atheist, eh?) and things would stop temporarily. Then I read the Late Great Planet Earth. The 100% fulfilled past prophecies convinced me there had to be a God - the God of the Bible. I then trusted in Christ alone to be my sinbearer and to get me to Heaven one day.
(For those who haven't yet trusted Christ as their Savior, you might like to read "How to be saved" in my website.) " End of profile page quote


So, the road I took was Christian (external) evidences. If you want to check some out, here are some sites:
www.icr.org
www.tektonics.org
www.probe.org
www.contenderministries.org
And the MacDowell book is great.

Now, referring to your comment that you previously were a Christian - here are some verses and comments from my website that might clarify some things:
“Can a person lose their salvation?”


I personally believe that a person cannot lose their salvation once they are saved, no matter what they do or whether or not they feel saved. Here's how I would summarize it, based on Scripture:



What is saving faith? in salvation verses, the Greek for believe is "to trust in or rely upon". As in John 3:16, Acts 16:31: to trust in Christ's death on the cross to pay for all sins (I Peter 3:18) and to get us to Heaven one day without any good works or promises of our own (Ephesians 2:8-9). In other words, "faith alone in Christ alone plus nothing". And we cannot lose our salvation . It only requires a simple decision on our part, ( to rely on Jesus alone to save us and to get us to Heaven one day, without any good works or promises of our own.)




Once we are saved, God chastens and punishes us when we do wrong, just as a good father would, but He would never cast us out of His family, no matter what we might do. Once saved, always saved:

Romans 6:23: "The wages of sin is death, but the GIFT of God is eternal life."
Romans 11:29 "The GIFTS and calling of God are irrevocable."
John 10:28-29 "no one can snatch you out of His hand" (this "no one" even includes ourselves, we can't snatch ourselves out of the Father's hand).


Finally, feeling that something is not "quite right". This could be the Holy Spirit, for He convicts the world of sin, righteousness, and judgment. And here is how we are to base our beliefs:
fact....belief....action
rather than
feeling....belief....action
In other words, you are wise to come here and check it out.

God bless you, friend. I will pray for you. Please let me know if I can help.
Aloha in Jesus




 
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justinstout

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Which would you rather have, a blessing or a miracle? What is the difference between the two? The answers to these questions are much more important than most people realize.

Blessings and miracles are like two different delivery systems from the Lord. It is possible to be so expectant of a miracle that you miss the blessing!

Many of you have heard the story of the woman who was trapped on the roof of her house during a flood. She was in a desperate situation, with the waters rising. Without the Lord's help, she looked doomed; but she was a believer and prayed in faith that the Lord would rescue her. Just as she finished praying, a big log floated by. She thought of jumping on it and riding it to safety, but no, she was believing God for a miracle. Someone then came by in a boat and offered to rescue her, but she steadfastly refused, saying God was going to miraculously save her.

Just before the waters swept her away, a rescue helicopter came and lowered a ladder to her. She still refused, knowing that the Lord would supernaturally save her. Shortly thereafter, she was drowned as the waters prevailed. In heaven, she was perplexed and asked the Lord why He didn't answer her prayer. He said, "I sent you a log, a boat, and a helicopter, but you wouldn't receive My help."

The woman in this story missed God's provision because she was committed to receiving help from the Lord in only one way. She didn't realize that these other, natural things, albeit less spectacular, were God's provision too. Likewise, many Christians only know how to receive from God through a miracle, and are unaware of the power and superiority of a blessing.

First, here are some definitions. The dictionary defines a miracle as, "an event that appears unexplainable by the laws of nature and so is held to be supernatural in origin or an act of God." In contrast, a blessing is also supernatural in origin but utilizes natural means. In other words, a miracle supersedes or suspends natural laws, while a blessing is God's divine power working through natural laws.

Since miracles are much more spectacular than blessings and relatively much easier to come by, many Christians are only looking for their needs to be supplied through a miracle; but here are some reasons why having God meet your needs through a blessing is much better.

First, before you can receive a miracle you have to be in a crisis. For God to suspend or supersede His natural laws, there has to be a very good reason. Physical laws aren't bad. God created them and said that everything He created was good. He's not going to stop the rain that thousands of farmers have been praying for, just so you can have a picnic. No! You have to be in a crisis situation before the Lord will grant you a miracle.

Therefore, those who live from miracle to miracle, live from crisis to crisis. In contrast, the blessings of God will prevent crisis in your life. Which would you rather have -- a desperate situation where you received the miracle of a new car; or would you rather be so blessed that if you wanted a new car, you could just go buy one with the cash you have. I think most of us would choose the blessing of just being able to buy a new car at any time.

Secondly, a miracle differs from a blessing in that a blessing is always more abundant. Take the example of manna. The Lord fed the children of Israel for 40 years in the wilderness by raining down what the Bible calls "angels' food" (Ps. 78:25), round about their camp six days a week. This was a miracle. If any of the manna was kept into the heat of the day it would breed worms and stink (Ex. 16:20). On the sixth day, they could gather a two-day supply of the manna to keep until the seventh day without it rotting. This wasn't normal. It was a miracle.

Miraculous as it was, the children of Israel loathed the manna. They ate manna three times a day for 40 years. There were only so many ways one could prepare manna. They longed for something more. Miracles may beat starvation, but they are never God's best. Once the children of Israel entered into the promised land, they had the blessing of eating the abundance of the land that flowed with milk and honey. Both the manna and the fruit of the land of Canaan were God's provision, but which would you rather have?

This leads us to a third difference between blessings and miracles: Miracles are always temporary, while blessings are eternal. The miraculous supply of manna is the longest, recorded miracle in the Bible. Most miracles are momentary, but the manna lasted 40 years. However, there was an end to the manna.

In Joshua 5:10-12, the scripture says, And the children of Israel encamped in Gilgal, and kept the passover on the fourteenth day of the month at even in the plains of Jericho. And they did eat of the old corn of the land on the morrow after the passover, unleavened cakes, and parched corn in the selfsame day. And the manna ceased on the morrow after they had eaten of the old corn of the land; neither had the children of Israel manna any more: but they did eat of the fruit of the land of Canaan that year.

The manna ceased because miracles are always temporary. I can just see some of those Israelites going out the next morning to gather manna. After all, they knew nothing else. This was the generation that had been raised on manna for 40 years. I suspect some of them refused to dig in the dirt to get their food. They would receive it directly from God through a miracle, but the time for the miracle was over. Some of them could have gone hungry waiting for the miracle of the manna, when the blessings of the promised land were abundant all around them.

Likewise, many Christians are looking for a miraculous provision when God has provided something better for them through His blessing.

Jamie and I learned some of this the hard way. When we first started in ministry, I somehow got the idea that it would be sin for me to work a secular job. I was called to the ministry, and praise God, that would be the only way I would get my needs met. This went against the laws of the kingdom of God that say if you don't work, you don't eat (2 Th. 3:10). Until I worked in ministry full time, I shouldn't have expected it to support me full time. My heart was right, but my head was wrong. Because of this, Jamie and I had some severe financial problems.

We were sincerely believing God the best we knew how, and because of God's mercy and love for us, He did provide for us miraculously. We had miracles nearly every day to keep us and our children from starving. We went from one crisis to another with the miracles being only temporary and never a full abundance. When my lightning-fast mind finally began to cooperate with the spiritual and natural laws of God, the blessings started to come, and I can personally testify that the blessings are better.

Not too long ago, I was remembering those old days of lack and miraculous supply. Every day, we had to have a miracle, or we wouldn't have eaten. All our furniture was just given to us. We drove our old car after it ran out of gas and with impossible mechanical problems. I was beginning to feel a little condemned because I hadn't seen any of those miraculous provisions lately.

The Lord then spoke to me and said, "Would you really like to go back to those days of lack and miraculous supply, or would you rather be so blessed that none of those things are issues? If you want to eat, go get something to eat. If your car needs repairs, just fix it or go buy another one. Which would you rather have?" Well, I quickly repented for longing for the old days and told the Lord I was very grateful that the blessings had overtaken me in my life.

There are times when all of us make unwise choices, or we just don't know how God's kingdom works, and we get in a crisis situation. If that's the case, then a miracle might be the best and only way out at the moment; but make no mistake-the blessing of God is the superior way to receive from God. We need to reach a place where we are praying for miracles for others, but walking in the blessings ourselves. Wouldn't it be wonderful if you were so blessed that you never needed another miracle from God!

Another concept that needs to be corrected about blessings is that "things" aren't blessings. When the scripture says that Abraham's blessing is mine (Gal. 3:14), I don't want his 4,000-year-old rotten tents or the bleached bones of his animals. No! The blessing is God's spoken favor that causes tangible "things." The physical things that Abraham had were the result of the blessing, not the blessing itself.

If you can understand that, then you can begin to appropriate the blessing of the Lord regardless of the amount of "things" you possess. If your stash of "things" fluctuates, which it inevitably will do, then your faith doesn't falter because God's blessing isn't things-it's His favor that has been spoken over you. That will never change.

Once the blessing is given, it cannot be reversed. Hallelujah! God spoke this through Balaam. In Numbers 23:19-20, Balaam said, God is not a man, that he should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent: hath he said, and shall he not do it? or hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good? Behold, I have received commandment to bless: and he hath blessed; and I cannot reverse it.

The blessing of God isn't conditional on our holiness either. In the next verse Balaam said, He hath not beheld iniquity in Jacob, neither hath he seen perverseness in Israel. This certainly wasn't because there wasn't any perverseness or iniquity in Israel. This is saying that the blessing of God isn't conditional on our performance. Praise the Lord! That is good news!



(written by AWM)
 
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anunbeliever

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Its not about a feeling. Feelings will not always direct you in the right path. The heart can be deceived and thats where most of our feelings come from. Just put your trust in the Word of God and continue to seek Him like others have said. Its not about a feeling when your praying, its not about a feeling when your sitting in church, its not about a feeling when your reading the bible. Its about worshiping the Lord.
Ive always considered this to be a copout. What close relationship can exist without feelings being involved. You know your spouse loves you because they tell you AND because of how they make you feel.

There are enough people punching holes in the authority of scripture so that it cannot stand on its own. God, by His Spirit, would have to convince and convict the listener as to its validity. Such an action would invoke a feeling in the listener.

When you fulling trust in Him, get right with Him, and realize that its not about you and its all about Him, then the void and hole will be filled. Trust the Word of God, not your feelings.
How is the hole filled? Not by knowledge, but by emotionally backed conviction.
 
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ForumGuy

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LittleGirlLost said:
But then again, praying doesn't feel right, reading the Bible doesn't feel right, the idea of raising my kids in church doesn't feel right.

Then try a differnt method of Prayer.
Go to a peaceful and private place, do the Sign of The Cross as normal, and pray God's prohpets have done in the past.
Clear your mind, state all your worrys, all your fears, all your doubts, no matter how silly or wrong or whatever you think they are, God isn't going to be judgmental, then wait for a response. Anaylse the root of your doubts and bring them before the Lord, hes not going to punish you for being honest with him.
I've been through this before, and I've always felt better telling the Lord why I felt doubtful, and I have always been assured.
And then if your feeling better pray "I have faith Lord, help me have more"
 
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Johnnz

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You have been given some good information on resources for helping to work through the many intellectual issues of our faith. You will need to make an effort to read and ponder. Enjoy the journey.

Feel free to PM me with any specific questions

John
NZ
 
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kayd1966

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One book that has made the Bible 'fit' or 'make sense' to me is The Stranger On The Road To Emmaus by John Cross. It comes in book, audio, DVD, etc. It has explained SO much to me and made things fit together that just didn't make sense before.

here is the link to the website for the information...I actually picked up my book at a Goodwill for a couple of $s.

http://www.goodseed.com/
(its also available to read online http://www.goodseed.com/preview.aspx )
 
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AndrewinIdaho

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Hi I live in a very Intellectually (not that you can guess it from my spelling) family. I would suggest starting with the Case For books by Lee Strobel. I would start with a Case for Faith.

Lee Strobel is a criminal journalist who talks to well credited experts on many Athiest and non belivers arguments against Christianity, these books are very well written and helped strengthen my faith when it was under fire from my family.
 
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ccastellow

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I have found many people in here to be very intellectual. I myself am not. I think it might actually hinder someones journey to know too much. Wisdom from God can be everything we always wanted or needed, yet wisdom from man can lead to indecision, bad judgment and many other wrongs in the minds of those searching. This is just an observation, but when I gave my life over to Christ, the devil did alot to try and corral me back to my past life. Never before did I feel so under attack, but I got through that and gave my life to the Almighty and through faith He makes it easy to follow Him. The devil won't ever quit his mission, but neither will God and in the end we know who wins. Hallelujah.
 
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Just Me Garry

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Matt 13:19-23

19 When any one heareth the word of the kingdom, and understandeth it not, then cometh the wicked one, and catcheth away that which was sown in his heart. This is he which received seed by the way side.
20 But he that received the seed into stony places, the same is he that heareth the word, and anon with joy receiveth it;

21 Yet hath he not root in himself, but dureth for a while: for when tribulation or persecution ariseth because of the word, by and by he is offended.


22 He also that received seed among the thorns is he that heareth the word; and the care of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, choke the word, and he becometh unfruitful.

23 But he that received seed into the good ground is he that heareth the word, and understandeth it; which also beareth fruit, and bringeth forth, some an hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty.
KJV

My question is have you totally turned your whole life (God wants all of it) to Jesus Christ. I am not the judge of such but the Word Of God is. All I can do is share it with you in love.
 
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