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Funnybones!
- Thread starter Tumbleweed64
- Start date
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]If You Had One Wish...[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]
A guy is walking along the beach in Malibu, finds a bottle, and picks it up.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Immediately, a genie pops out and replies, "Thanks for letting me out! For your kindness, I will grant you one wish."[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The guy says, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I can't because I'm too afraid to fly and ships make me deathly sick from claustrophobia. So...I guess, my wish is for you to build a road from here to Hawaii."[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"I'm sorry," the genie says, "But I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved...think of the huge pilings we'd need to hold up the highway, and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. And think of all the cement that would be needed. Plus, since it's such a long span, there would have to be gas stations and rest stops along the way. No, that is just too much to ask."[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"Well, there is one other thing I've always wanted," the guy replies. "I'd like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why they're so temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with them...you know, what makes them tick?"[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The genie thinks a second, and then answers, "Would that road be two lanes or four?"[/FONT]
A guy is walking along the beach in Malibu, finds a bottle, and picks it up.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Immediately, a genie pops out and replies, "Thanks for letting me out! For your kindness, I will grant you one wish."[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The guy says, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I can't because I'm too afraid to fly and ships make me deathly sick from claustrophobia. So...I guess, my wish is for you to build a road from here to Hawaii."[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"I'm sorry," the genie says, "But I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved...think of the huge pilings we'd need to hold up the highway, and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. And think of all the cement that would be needed. Plus, since it's such a long span, there would have to be gas stations and rest stops along the way. No, that is just too much to ask."[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"Well, there is one other thing I've always wanted," the guy replies. "I'd like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why they're so temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with them...you know, what makes them tick?"[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The genie thinks a second, and then answers, "Would that road be two lanes or four?"[/FONT]
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A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for Thanksgiving dinner.
This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.
They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.
The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart.
It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof.
Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair, and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!"
The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face.
A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again.
This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer one rip.
The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dangit Skippy!"
Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. This time she didn't even think about it.
She let a fart rip that rivaled a train whistle blowing.
Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dangit Skippy, get away from her, before she sh*** on you!"
This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.
They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.
The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart.
It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof.
Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair, and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!"
The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face.
A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again.
This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer one rip.
The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dangit Skippy!"
Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. This time she didn't even think about it.
She let a fart rip that rivaled a train whistle blowing.
Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dangit Skippy, get away from her, before she sh*** on you!"
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