Just some random funny sayings someone e-mailed me:
- For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
- Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
- My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
- A closed mouth gathers no feet.
- If you look like your passport picture-you probably need the trip.
- Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
- Eat-well, stay- fit, die anyway.
- No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
- A balanced diet is a (chocolate) cookie in each hand.
- Middle age is when broadness of mind and narrowness of hips change places.
- Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
- Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.
- Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
- Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
- Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
- Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
- I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I'm in the bathroom.
- Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
