Fun?

[Gary223]

My girlfriend recently moved down to a city 3.5 hrs away. I'm christian, she's unsure. When she was still up here, we did some pretty dirty stuff (not sex - but close). I guess I'm lucky that she comes up every couple of months or so so far. She is coming home for 4 weeks - how do I show love to her that is non physical? I guess you couldn't call the acts that we did love - it was rather lust. But how do I have fun with it.

Pretty sad question I know, I appreciate your advice.

 

[Luther073082]

This is a difficult issue made more difficult by the fact that your girlfriend is not a Christian.

I personally don't belive in dating non Christians. The bible tells us not to be unequally yoked with unbelivers. (In other words don't marry an unbeliver). Since the point of dating should be to find a spouse, I don't recommend it at all.

This may seem harsh but there is a good reason for it. As a Christian, Your faith should be the most important thing in your life. What kind of relationship or marriage can you have with someone who doesn't even belive in the one thing that is more important in your life then anything else?

So before I go on, I want you to know I don't think its a good idea for you to continue to date her.

Sex should never be the primary way you show someone you love them. I'm married now and yes I have sex with my wife, but it is not the primary way I show my love. Sex is important and there is love involved, but as an act of love it is also very overrated.

You can show your love through little things, through quality time and doing things for your SO that you don't have to just because you love them.

 

[Gary223]

Luther - she still identifies herself as a Christian, just she is in a time where she is questioning her beliefs. Which is why I said "She is unsure". What I mean by this is that she (and I) share the view that her faith is weak.

I know what you're saying - my faith is still more important than her. I am living in hope that God will move in her once again and break down the walls of stubbornness that she puts up against him. I believe that she'll be back on her feet sooner or later.

This, I guess, wasn't a question of what is more important - but what to do that is sexually pure that can be fun.

Thanks for sharing.

 

[moreruthlessjezebel]

I'm heartily agreeing with Luther here - you must be equally yoked, because God should come first... I'd go as far as not being just Christians, but Christians with the same fire - Mom going to church and Dad staying home but both calling themselves Christian isn't good for a family in the long run. I guess if you're just dating for fun (which it sounds like) you might not be thinking of the long term...

My boyfriend and I met as pagans, have been saved and born again and now enjoy a sin free relationship. We do show love for each other in physical ways - we hug, kiss (nothing remotely hot and heavy though), I'll lean my head on his shoulder (or bonk him with my noggin) and he'll put an arm around mine. Buuuut the main thing is, is that we don't cross that line. We don't get near that line - ever. Ever for never. Nothing below the belt - unless I'm kicking him playfully in the back of the knee so he almost falls over, but I don't think that counts.

We play together. We've played tag (just the two of us, hehe), joking around, I've even gotten a piggy back ride from him before. No one ever taught me how to ride a bike when I was a kid, so he's going to teach me.

How do you have fun with your friends? A girlfriend is like a friend, but like... a girl. Who you occasionally make googlyeyes at.

 

[Gary223]

To be honest - I'm not doing it for the fun at all - I honestly love this girl. I just believe we are at different stages on our journey with God.

So in reference to that passage, of being unequally yoked, is that it seems like you may be saying that a woman and a man who are at the same level of spiritual maturity - they are the only ones who should be in a relationship together?

EDIT: one thing that I meant to add in here was that how we ended up was so divine...i.e. from God. She agreed with it at the time. Basically - we prayed hard about having a partner - we knew each other for at least 3 years before getting together - it was just so weird and couldn't explain it. And feelings developed for one another (i.e. that I want to call this girl my girlfriend) in the space of a month and a bit. So I do believe that God has put me in her life for a reason and visa versa.

 

[moreruthlessjezebel]

Sex is for the marriage bed but its not too late to wait. That's about all I'll say on that.

"Are" and "should" are two very different words. There's also a passage that if a man (or a woman) is married to an unbelieving spouse, they shouldn't leave their spouse over it, but show God's love to them so that they too will believe. In an ideal world, spirituality would be a much more important factor in choosing a mate. Its your faith - what you would pass down to your children, what your friends and family would see you as and be inspired by you from.

We talk about it from time to time because we have an ideal set for ourselves that revolves around God being first. We challenge each other to be better followers of Christ - to be honest, God really is most of what we talk about. What He's done for us, various books of the Bible, witnessing, His plans for the family, etc...

If you're not on the same page as your SO, either they need your help to catch up, or you need to turn back a few chapters to get back to them.

I am decidedly NOT saying you should break up with your girlfriend - I say, you should pray for her, and let her know you are. You guys need to have a serious conversation about both of your faiths, because it should be at the forefront of the relationship.

PERSONAL STORY TIME IS A GO:
I once had a boyfriend who I almost married. He said he would not marry me unless I became a Christian, which, I did for him. We were "Christians", yes, but we might as well have both been heathens for all the things we were doing between Sundays. Or even on Sundays. It didn't make me feel more Christian to know full well that I was sinning. Instead of being in the good soil, I wound up in the thorns and turning away from it (yet again - Thank God for second and third chances ).

Based on my personal experience, I have a pretty good feeling that giving up that lust between you two and you leading the way with a more clearer focus on God might help restore her faith. There are tons of fun things to do with each other that are not "sex: lite". Whatever you do that isn't that - that's the fun stuff. You know the answers, man - you know her better than any of us on this board would. What does she like? What do you like? Have any other couples you could go out with too?

 

[Gary223]

Thanks for your advice everyone - I really appreciate it. I hope I haven't sounded rude or anything in my replies, but it wasn't intended to sound rude.

You guys need to have a serious conversation about both of your faiths...

. I honestly completely agree with you here...and the fact that lust was probably the downfall of her faith (which makes me extremely distressed because I was initially the one that kept pushing her boundaries), it needs to be sorted out. We have discussed this in the past many times, but now we're taking it extremely seriously. I believe too that once we eliminate this sin out of our relationship - it will become easier for her to find God because sin separates one from God.

 

[moreruthlessjezebel]

In truth: it's as easy as asking for forgiveness. Say, "Lord, I'm laying down my sinful nature to you - help me to be the man you designed me to be and the man she needs to me to be. Guide my hands and move my feet, and let all I do be for Your glory."

You can NOT do a single thing alone and the beautiful thing is, as a follower of Christ, you don't. Lean on the Lord and you WILL BOTH be blessed in ways you can't even begin to imagine! God bless you, always!

 

[Gary223]

Yeah, I'm still working on that bit...laying my complete life down before him. See, I had a pornography addiction for years and years, that obviously hasn't helped anything. Thank goodness I'm not addicted anymore.

Godbless you too

 

[DeathMagus]

To actually answer your question, Gary:

Fun things that my girlfriend and I do that don't involve sex include:

• Walks
• Movies
• Making meals together
• Sleeping/snuggling together
• Going on some sort of adventure - recently we went outside during a thunderstorm and waded through a creek.
• Talking about the future (as in our futures)
• Playing games

Good luck!

 

[Gary223]

Thanks for those suggestions DM

 

[surfingangel]

Here's what my bf and I do for fun to avoid other temptations...

-Cooking
-Bike rides
-Visiting all the different cafes in our town
-Movies
-Card Games
-Board Games
-Watching our favourite childhood movies
-Going for a drive somewhere for a daytrip, then taking lots of photos of the trip

 

[Gary223]

Thanks Surfing Angel!

 

[surfingangel]

No worries Gary, good luck with everything. Hope you have some fun, quality time together . Being apart can be so hard, my bf is in the army and goes away a lot. It is so hard to refrain from going further than hugging and kissing when he returns, cause we are always just SO excited to see each other again lol.
Good on you for making this thread to explore other ways you can have fun together!

 

[Gary223]

That would be even worse hey. Notice you're from Aus, which state you live in? I'm a Queenslander

 

[stella_ku]

if she knows that you love her, should be enough

 

[surfingangel]

That would be even worse hey. Notice you're from Aus, which state you live in? I'm a Queenslander

Hi Gary,

Ohhh ur so lucky, i'm absolutely freezing right now in our nations capital lol!

 

[Gary223]

Mannn that would suck, yeah it would be freezing. I took a trip down there a couple of years ago and that was August! :s