Frustrated

[Mr. Brightside]

Thanks in advance for everyone to take the time to read this and respond with your advice and support. It is greatly appreciated.



I am in a courting relationship for over a year now. What started out great has now veered towards tolerable. We fight incessantly and for me, bitter resentment and frustration have taken the place of love. I’ve lost sight of what love is, how to love and model myself after Christ. To my girlfriends credit she has always stuck by my side telling me that “How can we ever be good if I don’t put in 100% into the relationship?” I agree with her, I can’t base our future on whether to be together or not if I don’t know what it is to give 100% to the relationship and then see how things turn out.



But I have become so lazy, and frustrated with the relationship that I don’t leave because of her argument but stay and complain and continue to give her a lousy effort. Part of me says that we wont work out even if I do give this a 100%. The differences between us transcend giving each other 100% thus they will still be there frustrating me when we both are giving a wholehearted effort. So why try?



Is this a logical? Or do I need to try be committed to our relationship and see where that takes us?

 

[Lizzi4Christ]

One of the hardest things to do is end a relationship. I was with my frist boyfriend for a year and a half. And I knew the last 6 months (at least) that the relationship wasn't good and I shouldn't have been in it. But I was afraid of being alone.

Only you can make the decision to break it off or continue. Do you want to be in the relationship with this girl? Don't think about if you want to be in a relationship. Do you want one with her? Do you think you're compatible with her to have it last? Are you willing to try?

But honestly, it sounds like you have made your decision. You don't want to. It's not fair to waste her time if you're not willing to commit and truly love her. If you want to be with her, but not give 100%, then that's not enough. You need to want to give that 100%.

 

[SorensScapegoat]

I have to agree. Besides, I'd have a hard time saying you didn't give it an honest go if you've been dating for a year. Stuff happens, sometimes relationships don't work.

Cheers,

Oh and if you find that you do break up and end up "grieving for the relationship" remember that's normal and not necessarily an indication that you should get back together.

--S

 

[InTheFlame]

(you don't necessarily need to answer these questions here. I think you should think about them and answer them to your own satisfaction, though)

WHY are you fighting incessantly? What are the issues between you that aren't being resolved? Why are you resentful toward her? Why are you frustrated? What needs/desires of yours are not being met - either in the courting relationship or elsewhere?

Spiritually - are you both going to church? Do you read the bible daily? Do you pray daily? Do you have support from other christians? Do you have a christian mentor? Or an accountability partner?

Do the two of you have good communication skills? I don't mean knowing how to talk (lol) but being able to tell someone how you feel in a way that they'll understand and not feel attacked...? If not, at the very least find a communication skills course and do it... both of you. You'd be amazed how just that can really change a relationship.

 

[peanutbutter12]

It doesn't sound like a good relationship at all, mate. Granted, people always say that relationships are hard and you should work through the problems if you want it to work out, but there is wanting it to work out and knowing deep inside that it's not going to. If you can't find a fix, I would say end it. If you aren't happy, really, whats the point? You will just remain unhappy till you get the guts to break it off. And yah, when you do you will be sad. But it won't last forever and you will be back to your old self.

CJ