Friendships while married

[ardeur]

I'm not married but I have been discussing with various people about having friends of the opposite sex while married. What's ok and what's not? Is it ok for a married man or woman to spend time alone with a friend of the opposite sex? I'm reminded of something Billy Graham said about how he has never been alone with another woman besides his wife for the duration of their marriage. I also consider how the Bible says to avoid all appearance of evil.

My boyfriend is always coming up with these crazy scenarios about our life together after marriage. Keep in mind these scenarios are usually for entertainment purposes and don't necessarily reflect his true intentions.

For example he'd sometimes ask:

How would you feel if one day I got home from work early and went out to see a movie with a female friend of mine since you weren't home yet? Or if I went to her house and helped her out with some household repairs?

How would you feel if I had personal conversations on the phone with my female friends and had to keep these conversations from you because she/they requested privacy?

How would you feel if I privately counseled a woman who's husband just left her?

etc., etc. What would be your thoughts/responses to these types of situations?

 

[klewlis]

It depends entirely on the people and the relationship that they have.

In most cases you need to be EXTREMELY careful, and it's better to do things in a group. Why would it ever NEED to be one on one? Unless your husband is a pastor or professional counsellor, women should not be going to him for advice, even friends.

The only exception that I would very cautiously make is if they have been friends forever and ever, have no hidden sexual tensions between them, and everyone (especially the other spouse) is completely comfortable with what is going on. I can only think of one married male friend of mine for whom this is true. And even then we wouldn't go spending a great deal of time alone, simply because it's just not wise and you never know what might happen or what people might say.

And whenever I confide in a friend who is married, I *assume* that they are going to tell their spouse about it... if I'm not ok with that, I find someone else to confide in! A married couple is a unit and should not be asked to keep secrets from each other, especially about friends of the opposite sex. Again, the only exceptions might be if he is a pastor or professional counsellor and is *obligated* to confidentiality.

 

[plum]

it does depend. but the intimacy of a close relationship should belong with your SPOUSE. Friends are great, but the goal should be different. If ever the friendship grows to include moments belonging only to your spouse, the relationship should drop way down or cut off entirely. Everyone needs friends! But why not share them?

 

[eutychus]

I know many married people who have made the commitment to never be alone with a person (non-family) of the opposite sex who was not their spouse. I don't think there's a reason for it...if a girl wants to spend time with her guy friend, she should have the comrade over for supper to visit with her and her husband.

Aside from that, jealousy could easily flare up from the quasi-neglected spouse, and that certainly wouldn't be any fun. Why would a person want to put their spouse through the worry/spite anyway?

 

[JPPT1974]

Yes you all should have friendships with married and/or single people with and/or without a boy/girl friends and/or by themselves. But keep the friendship strictly platonic and/or and only just a friendship. Nothing to get too, too, close.

 

[Xen_Antares]

Yes you all should have friendships with married and/or single people with and/or without a boy/girl friends and/or by themselves. But keep the friendship strictly platonic and/or and only just a friendship. Nothing to get too, too, close.

Thank you! Thats my feelings of it. Ive had friends for years who are now married, and though their hubbies arent always around. I could care less of other people's opinions anyway. My friends are here to stay, regardless of their marital status or gender.

In tomorrows society will we be saying its not ok to be one on one with members of the same sex because someone might mistake us for homosexuals? Puh-lease, thats not how I am going to live my life.