Friendship turned sour

OK, this is a multi-part issue:
1) She lies, but you don't like it;
2) She wants you to forget her blunder, but you don't want to;
3) She wrote that IM for some reason, and NOT knowing why she wrote it ... Grr, is driving you nuts.

If you can stand a relationship with a person who (occassionally) lies, then this situation can be dealt with.

However, if you feel that you can NEVER trust her, because she sometimes will lie to you to "save face" ... it's better to break-it-off now, to save yourself from the next time (and the time after that).

If she "passes" on the occassional Lie thing, then move on to Number 2.

She wants you to forget (or let-go-of worrying) about that IM.
If I liked someone, and they inadvertantly showed me something demeaning me, I would forgive it.
Then, I would try to forget it (or at least stop talking about it).

So, can you resolve to never bring it up again?
If not, then you know: Bringing it up will upset her.
This is only ONE tiny bit of your relationship.
But, bringing it up can be a relationship-breaker, if done over-and-over.

About the reason she wrote that incriminating IM.
Sometimes, people like to blow-off-Steam.
I imagine that she was doing just that.
I will (sometimes) talk ratty to a friend about another person.
It gives me a "Martyr" quality: Look what I have to put-up with!

The ball's in your court now.
People who love you (even dear old Mom) will do things that you COULD go over-board on.
In the case of Mom, I try to overlook the "weird" stuff, and focus on the BIG picture: She loves me, and I don't expect her to always understand me (or my actions).

I wish you the best.

Hi S Girl,

I had this friend, her and I hit it off, confided in each other, and she talked to me daily.
That is how a friendship should be.
We had a lot of laughs so I didn't understand why she sent me this IM. Actually it was sent by mistake.
Wow, our Lord Jesus Christ at work!
It was bad-mouthing me to another friend.
Yep, backbiting and gossiping and bad-mouthing is part and parcel of life.
She tried to make excuses instead of just admitting she was wrong.
That's life my dear sister.
She did this to me before, I could tell she lied to me, we both knew it but she just tried to say it was my fault. LONG STORY
Good old, "Blame Game"!
My thing is, I'm so angry at her.
His Word says not to let the sun set on anger!
I try to understand why she did what she did and I can't. I want to get past this and I pray a lot about it, but it just eats me.
The devil did it!

Just pray this prayer:

Heavenly Father, I come to You through our Lord Jesus Christ, and I now confess my sin of anger and bitterness that I have toward my friend for what she did to me. I now forgive my friend for what she has said about me, I love her, and I forgive myself for feeling this way. Forgive me Lord Jesus Christ, in Jesus' Name.
It kills me that she thinks she did nothing wrong.
Pride kills a lot of people. So take back those words that you have spoke over yourself, by saying those words, "it kills me".

Pray this prayer:

Heavenly Father, I come You through our Lord Jesus Christ, and I confess that sin of self-cursing and I now take back those words that I have spoken over myself, in Jesus' Name.

Satan, I cut off all power from your and your forces now, by the power of our Almighty God, our Lord Jesus Christ, in Jesus' Name.

Now carry on as if nothings has happened. Lover her, and bless her as you are required to do as a believer in our Lord Jesus Christ.
I just wish she'd admit it.
Your friend is possibly embarrassed by getting caught out. And she is most probably a proud person as well.

A proud person will never say: I am wrong, I am sorry, Please forgive me, I forgive you, and I love you.

Do you find those words easy to say?
But for the time being I thought it was best to cut her out of my life.
Possibley, but remember the parable about the lost sheep, and the shephered went out searching for that one lost sheep, she is lost!
I'm beginning to see she is not a good person - well I do see that.
Well, we most probably all started off like your friend!
I don't want her in my life.
That is you choice and decision, but remember one thing maybe our Lord Jesus Christ is testing you here?
I just want to not hate and I fear seeing her in public,
Another spoken word of "hate" and "fear". You are a believer in our Lord JEsus Christ, and you do not hate anyone, nor do you fear anything.

Take back those thoughts, you have given Satan and his forces legal right to backbite, gossip, and badmouth you.
I don't want her to bother me.
Your choice and your decision!
I don't know what she'd do. I just keep hoping she has an ounce of maturity.
My dear sister, now please don't think that I am being rude, or sarcastic, but I hear this all the time day in day out.

Our walk is about forgiveness and love, that are HIS Commandments.

So tell you friend how you feel and tell her that you forgive her and that you love her. And you want to give her another chance.

But remember that you trust our Lord Jesus Christ only and have no confidence in man or this woman.

But, this is all up to you. I would give her another chance and be firm and tell her straight.

But again, that is up to you.

But, at least pray those prayers.

Love in Christ

They have both said it all, and very well. Best wishes and GBU.

StLGirl said:

I had this friend, her and I hit it off, confided in each other, and she talked to me daily. We had a lot of laughs so I didn't understand why she sent me this IM. Actually it was sent by mistake. It was bad-mouthing me to another friend. She tried to make excuses instead of just admitting she was wrong. She did this to me before, I could tell she lied to me, we both knew it but she just tried to say it was my fault. LONG STORY

My thing is, I'm so angry at her. I try to understand why she did what she did and I can't. I want to get past this and I pray a lot about it, but it just eats me. It kills me that she thinks she did nothing wrong. I just wish she'd admit it. But for the time being I thought it was best to cut her out of my life.

I'm beginning to see she is not a good person - well I do see that. I don't want her in my life. I just want to not hate and I fear seeing her in public, I don't want her to bother me. I don't know what she'd do. I just keep hoping she has an ounce of maturity.

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Something similar happened to me recently, but I was not so hurt by it--not because I did not care, but because I don't expect.

Forgiveness is the key and I am sure you will get a great deal of advice about it from others. I am going to go in a bit of a different direction.

We are always hurt most by our expectations that we place on others. When you trust someone, what you are doing is allowing yourself to expect things from that person. When the person fails to meet your expectations, it hurts you. Although you may not see it now, it really is not so much what she did or did not do, but how her actions did not meet with your expectations of her.

I have had lots of practice in disciplining myself not to expect anything from my mother over many years and now I can honestly love her without being hurt by her. I had a friend I had known for about a year, our children in particular were very close, and she suddenly she ended our friendship about two months ago with what should have been a hurtful letter. Although I was surprised by the abruptness, as she did not even talk to me about anything that bothered her between us, I was not hurt. I easily forgave her and went on to ease the fact that my daughter's close friend was unable to play with her as much as I could.

To my surprise, I have leaned that not having expectations allows me a great deal of freedom. I enjoy people and love them, but I try to not expect anything from anyone except my Lord and my husband--by their covenants with me--and, of course, myself.

I hope that you heal from this hurt soon.

Seekingmylord, this is an interesting approach, it is almost like self defense. I like the idea that having no expectations from people actually brings us freedom. I can see that. I actually am similar in a way.

Basically we can only truly trust God, because people let us down, and vice-versa.

It is still important to love as we are commanded to do, and of course forgive. We also ought to be willing to step out in faith to ask someone or be hopeful for that 'something', because I believe being hopeful and trusting God is different than ultimately trusting the person and having high expectations of them. We still need to allow room for possible failure and let down, it doesn't mean we lack faith or not trust God, it is just that people are fallible humans.

1newcreation

1Newcreation said:

Seekingmylord, this is an interesting approach, it is almost like self defense. I like the idea that having no expectations from people actually brings us freedom. I can see that. I actually am similar in a way.

Basically we can only truly trust God, because people let us down, and vice-versa.

It is still important to love as we are commanded to do, and of course forgive. We also ought to be willing to step out in faith to ask someone or be hopeful for that 'something', because I believe being hopeful and trusting God is different than ultimately trusting the person and having high expectations of them. We still need to allow room for possible failure and let down, it doesn't mean we lack faith or not trust God, it is just that people are fallible humans.

1newcreation

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Absolutely.

It is not just self defense though. It is the way that I do not bind others to my own expectations of them and just allow God to do it His way with the other person.

Having little or no expectations of others is not the same as living as a recluse and never accepting help from others. Another surprise was when I began having no expectations of others, not only was I less disappointed, I also found I could truly be thankful when I received what was unexpected.

And, it is possible to have hope without expectation.