Friends and Jealousy

[Living4Him03]

How do you all keep from getting jealous of the opposite sex people that talk to or hang out with opposite sex friends that you are attracted to? As in, your guy friends that you are attracted to (if you're female) and the girls they hang out with or talk to. I guess lately I've really had a problem with this and I don't know why. It didn't bother me so much before. I guess I feel like one of them is going to start dating some other girl and I won't even know it and will be late getting filled in on what's going on! That's happened before. It really sucks. Maybe I'm wanting their attention and I don't want it to go to another girl. ugh. What do you all do in situations like that?

 

[Inperfected]

Yeah i kinda get into that kinda thing... OK i know i do... I kno these guys are firends and no more, but i still wanna be close to them, and it's annoying when they have someone taking up there time... Even tho they'd say the same about me.

 

[micaela]

I guess I'm a bit of a no-hoper in general, so I assume the guy would rather spend time with the other girl than me. Still, if I really liked the guy, I would have been praying about my feelings and trusting that God had the situation under control, so that either I wouldn't be so hurt if he decided to date someone else, or I'd lose interest entirely.
God has been really good at protecting my heart like that on occasions where I have been honest enough to give it to him.

 

[Sinless_angels]

Yeah I have had this happen to me before. Im used to hangin out more with males then females.i just seem to get on with them better. I spose you just get pretty close to them and its strange when another females comes in and takes up that persons time which you used to spend with them

How do you all keep from getting jealous of the opposite sex people that talk to or hang out with opposite sex friends that you are attracted to? As in, your guy friends that you are attracted to (if you're female) and the girls they hang out with or talk to. I guess lately I've really had a problem with this and I don't know why. It didn't bother me so much before. I guess I feel like one of them is going to start dating some other girl and I won't even know it and will be late getting filled in on what's going on! That's happened before. It really sucks. Maybe I'm wanting their attention and I don't want it to go to another girl. ugh. What do you all do in situations like that?

 

[Singing Bush]

Ha ha, yeah good luck w/ that. I've killed men for less!

My only suggestion is take it like a man -- err woman -- and do the best you can to be stoic like. Prayer and focusing on the fact that if God wants you to be together it'll happen helps too, but not much when the actual action is goin' on. For me at least.

 

[Inperfected]

But even just friends... Heck Yes... and when you like them, it's even harder...

 

[Nico]

i'd definitely try praying about it--i was getting really jealous of my ex's girlfriend (which i know is a diff. scenario from what you origianlly posted), and i realized that i started wishing bad things to happen to her. i was really ashamed of myself for all these jealous thoughts, but they wouldn't go away. so i prayed and God really helped to clean out my head and heart. also take time to get really secure in yourself. jealousy is intrinsically linked to insecurity, so the mroe secure and comfortable you are with yourself, i think it's harder for jealousy to creep in....

 

[Law of Loud]

Just as a matter of friendship, it can be incredibly difficult when you start getting ignored by your friends at times because they are attracted to other people. When you are attracted to your friend, and start getting ignored for the aforementioned reasons, it gets rough. When you are attracted to your friend, and they become attracted to one of your friends, and you start getting ignored by both of them, it's completely depressing.

 

[Sketcher]

When you are attracted to your friend, and start getting ignored for the aforementioned reasons, it gets rough. When you are attracted to your friend, and they become attracted to one of your friends, and you start getting ignored by both of them, it's completely depressing.

Yeah. Honestly prayer has helped me with that one. It was also a bit more critical of a situation than that. Myself, a guy and a girl were all student leaders of an on-campus Bible study. I was attracted to her, she was attracted to him, he liked her back, and they started dating. Jealousy is not a dynamic you need when you're trying to lead a study at all. For a month or two, it was pretty bad. I prayed, and got a lot of people to just pray for me in general, since God knew the details. I sought council from the campus minister, and a few weeks after that, the feelings of jealousy and sorrow stopped. God answered in a big way. I'm actually happy for them now.

 

[Inperfected]

Mmmm.... i've realised that kidna thing eh... Being jealous of ex's is hard, not so much the ex, but the ex's 'thing'.... Um... and i understand even more.. My ex best friend has a girl now, and i liked him for about 4 years.... and i finding that hard... but ohw ell

 

[KeilCoppes]

The real question is what brings the jealousy... Is it a coveting - wanting to have rather than....? How does this fit in with God's providence? Can you trust God to bring what's best from your efforts? I ask myself the same questions.

In the end, the same holds true, whether jealousy or fear of rejection or failure. God has not made us not enough, rather he has made us exactly enough for his purposes, and we can take confidence and comfort in that. The only question is - do I?


"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Tim 1:7

 

[Living4Him03]

I guess I'm just afraid I'll lose my guy friends when they get engaged or whatever. I'll really miss the kind of friendship you can have when you are both single...when a guy is engaged or married he is his woman's and a close friendship is much harder I think. Anyway, the situation in the OP is a new one that I've been dealing with recently. I didn't know how I felt about someone and then something happened and I realized I probably like them more than I thought I did. He's a good friend too, which makes it difficult. I used to be able to just focus on the friendship and was so content with that, but then I thought here is this great guy and I haven't even realized it. It's not that I wasn't attracted to him before. I just didn't realize that the other guys I had feelings for were just not anything like him. His future wife is really going to be blessed, I can tell you that! I guess I just need to pray about it and ask God to continue developing our friendship so we can encourage one another. I want to be a good friend, and I think that includes being okay with him spending time with/talking to other females lol (duh). I want God's best for him.

 

[Nico]

the thing is, when he does get engaged or married, or even dating, you will probably get assigned a new weight on the priority list. and that is hurtfull, but it is real. some people are good about recognizing the need to keep their circle of friends, others get so consumed w/their SO, they forget about everything else. i'm dealing with that now. i used to be really upset about it. my guy friend told me he'd make time for me--no matter what. well that has turned out to be a very less than accurate statement. i thought a lot about what to do--just drop him? tell him how i feel? i've decided to be understanding. i know that he cares about me. he's just extremely wrapped up in his woman. i have been pushed to the backburner. but i intend on remaining patient, loving and kind to him. even though he's not really there for me, i intend on being there for him, even as a model of what real friendship is. i keep thinking about God and how he remains there for me even when i turn away from Him countless times. the thing is, i don't want to be walked all over and if he says anything like "i'm sorry i've been so delinquent" or something to that effect, i also intend on telling him that i will always be there for him, but his ignoring me HAS been really hurtfull. i think he should be aware of his actions. ALL relationships are hard. even friendships. so i guess, what i'm saying is that, in reality, unless the guy is an extremely aware and sensitive person, you will probably loose some of the position. but that doesn't have to be as horrible as it seems

 

[KeilCoppes]

Something that fits with all of us is that there is only so much time and emotional energy given to each and every one of us. And when relationships come, they simply take more and some of that energy is used apart from friends. The initial stages of a relationship are also extremely focused, so there is almost nothing to go around, unless the people involved are exceptional. Even when things level out, there is less. To some extent, relationships always make for changes.