Friends, Alone.....LOST.

[tennisplaya2008]

hey guys

im an 18 year old guy and im at college as we speak.
my problem here is that im halfway through the semester, I know I have friends, but I always find myself here, on the computer (in other words, at my dorm). My roommate, is a partier, however, I want an education and I do not want alcohol to ruin it.

what im really trying to say is im lonely! I feel like noone likes me for who I am! I'm involved in drama and in the play and I have a job and have a pretty busy schedule but I wish people would ask me to go do things (non-alcoholic and non-wild). im just really lonely and i know college is about an education, but I need to get out and meet people. HOW AM I EVER GOING TO FIND A WIFE, OR AT LEAST, A GIRLFRIEND JUST SITTING HERE?!

and apparantly i give off some type off somthing to people that make them think im gay... i dont know what it is, it makes me mad!!
Is it that im in drama? and that im single? I dont know?!

Why do people have to judge so much? Why is this world so mean and cold. Im not perfect, but If i dont like someone or think somthing about them, i keep to myself. In reality, if you think someone is gay and they turn out to be the biggest ladies man there is, they'd look pretty stupid..people need to realize that.

ugh, sorry about ranting. I just need help. And if people say "Get involved in clubs", i just dont have the time. they meet during the week and seriously, my schedule is FULL! other than the weekends and thats when people get out! and when im HERE! lol.

HELP please!?

 

[Boss_BlueAngels]

Don't get discouraged! I too was once in that situation, freshman year of college. The first several weeks I was always in front of the computer, doing homework, etc. with a party-animal roommate.

You know how I ended up meeting the girl of my dreams (and GF of nearly 7 years!)? It was because of some dbag who introduced us one night.

A few weeks later she asked me if I wanted to go to a movie with her and some of her guy friends. I really wanted to say no, but convinced myself to take a chance and meet some new people. Her and I ended up sitting together and talking through the entire movie. It seemed completely random, as I hardly knew her and didn't know any of the other guys at all.

My advice is simply to not be afraid to take some chances. Not like drugs, or abusing alcohol or anything, but just step out of the comfort zone a bit. In case you're not doing that already.

Oh, and also, don't put so much pressure on yourself to find your wife. The ONE time in my life I wasn't worried about it was the time I found her.

 

[tennisplaya2008]

My advice is simply to not be afraid to take some chances. Not like drugs, or abusing alcohol or anything, but just step out of the comfort zone a bit. In case you're not doing that already.

do you mean to go ahead and drink or what?
explain please lol, im a little slow.

 

[Boss_BlueAngels]

No, don't drink if you don't want to. Especially since you're under 21. (which is what I mean by "abusing alcohol") I just mean if you're someone like myself who likes to keep to themselves most of the time, try to get out of the dorm for at least a walk every now and then, when you normally would be at your computer. Or if your dorm has a pool room, strike up some games with the people down there, or watch a movie in the lounge.

 

[Rhamiel]

it is just your first semester, you will make friends, it just takes time.

 

[Lyle]

Well, it is going to be very hard to carry on a life on the internet and a real social life. It is close to impossible to really commit to both in the 'in-between years'. Jumping in from time to time isn't bad, but if you are looking for a real social life, this is not the place to be.

It's your first semester, so relax. You want an education and to socialize, but keep the first things first. People are not nearly as stuck up as you think. i used to think they were, but came to understand that the more you put yourself out there, the better they will respond. Don't try and over act and don't be quiet. If you have something to say, say it. People are attracted to people that interact. If you want, start small and work your way out. Say hello to a stranger, start a random conversation with an older gentleman about whatever. People are alot more open to conversation then you think. Just take that chance and you will not regret it.

As far as girls... Be careful. Not for any moral reasons, but don't be too quick to be a close friend with a girl. They, like you, are getting their wings in life and may not always see things the same way. It can be distracting and hijack your education agenda. I love 'em, but that's the way it is. When I was in college and got involved in a relationship my GPA went from 4.0 to 3.2... yeah. I cared, but I didn't have the same traction. For sometime i didn't think I would ever get married; then one day it happened. Love happens, but it generally comes in its own time and when you don't quest for it.

If you want friends, be friendly. Don't invite yourself to places, but make sure people know you are up to the challenge. Best advice, college Bible study groups. A close group that meets on a normal basis can be what the doctor ordered.

i used to be just where you are. I was not always a social person who just did things. You live and you learn. Take some chances.

 

[Vanilla Chai]

In many ways, we seem to be in similar situations. Like you, I am in my first semester of college (just finishing midterms, thank goodness) and while I have friends, I still feel lonely at times. On the weekends where I go to college, there isn't a whole lot to do if you don't drink...but there are things that you and other people who are not interested in "partying" can do.

Try and find some people who do not want to go out and drink alcohol on the weekends. Instead of doing that, you can all go to a movie, go bowling, play some games, play sports, etc. Be creative! If you know of a group in your dorm building who doesn't go out every weekend, perhaps ask if you can join them when they stay and get engaged in more positive forms of recreation. It is probably unlikely that they will decline. If there are any church groups around your campus, consider going to them. At church services, as well, if/when you go to those you will likely have more of a chance making friends with your values who are more motivated in spending their time focusing on their education or at least not drinking.

Even though your schedule may be busy on the weekdays, just try and get out there on the weekend. Spend time with positive people who you know will not waste their time drinking or doing drugs. Spend time with people who you know share your values and interests, who you can connect with on a deeper level. That should help.

As for the girlfriend situation...just try not to worry about it. This is hypocritical of me, I know, for I am the same way (just about a boyfriend). Eventually you will find the girl you are meant to be with. For now, just try focusing on the true reason you are at college: your education.

Good luck! And I hope your midterms went well, or will go well!

 

[larry_boy_44]

I know how you feel... Only I'm (sort of) out of college... and work second shift...

So even if I wanted to be social, I don't even know where to begin doing that since I don't have any time to do it...

 

[puddleoffaith]

One thing about college that often people forget to mention is that it isn't about the classes and the marks. The education you get outside of the classroom is far more valuable than being holed up in your room with your math textbook (although there are times when you must do this too).
Also, be careful girls. Lyle is right...we're still trying to figure out what we want out of life and we're real heartbreakers sometimes.
Just be yourself. Don't worry about whether or not you give off a "gay" vibe or whatever. Make friends and connections and learn more about the world through other people.

 

[ardeur]

Oh wow... was I ever lonely in college, too. When I lived with roommates, I didn't "click" with them, even though they were nice and respectful. When I lived by myself, I was lonely then, too. I was constantly calling friends at home or my parents.

But... I wasn't connected to a church or bible study. I was working WAY TOO MUCH for the course load I was taking. I wasn't learning to take my burdens to the Lord or spending quality time in His presence. I also think that I was just *young*. I allowed myself to be too scared of meeting new people.

I met my husband almost right off the bat in college. Our friendship was a slow progression, but he was always VERY gentle, sweet, nonthreatening, nonobtrusive... he slowly made his way into my life and earned my trust. After 5 years we married. Oh, life is wonderful!

 

[ephesus32]

if you go to church on the weekends, just invite some of those guys to do something... i was going to say clubs, but since you dont have time for that.... just hang out with the people that you're normally doing stuff with. maybe you could use it as a time to get closer to God and ask him to bring some people into your life