I was raised Catholic but by age 12 I was a secret atheist. Catholicism has its good points and it is very meaningful for such as my mother but it did nothing for me. I was reading Das Kapital and Bertrand Russell's Why I am not a Christian. By 14 I was content to be a nominal Catholic but a closet unbeliever. At age 17 I lived with my oldest sister and brother-in-law who prior to their marriage were a Catholic Priest and Nun. I went with them to the Unitarian Church and agreed with their disdain of orthodox belief. For the next 9 years I avoided church except for going to Mass with my mother for her sake.
At 26 I fell in love with a fervent Methodist who made it clear to me there was no way the relationship was going to the next level unless I was also a believer. I was dumbfounded. My rational self was ready to skedaddle. I tried faking it. My new love was quick to identify the fakery. I was banished for a month to contemplate the future.
At that time I had begun deer hunting on a friend's land. This area in Central Texas is quite beautiful, bountiful land, right at the geographical division between the humid South and the arid West. It is a hunter's paradise with plentiful game. When I got up about 4:30 AM to hit the deer stand my hosts told me they were sleeping in; "go on by yourself," they said.
So I did. I am not a morning person anyhow but with the stresses at the time and the religious/relationship issues so prominent I could hardly concentrate. Morning sounds of birds were heard as the sun rise. Varying between trying to hunt and agonizing over the situation, it appeared as if words entered my mind, Who made this for thee? Shouldn't you be enjoying this like other hunters are? Things will work out if you believe. Whether it was a divine voice or not (I think so) it had the intended effect. Rationalist assumptions crumbled. I was trembling. I tried to remember The Lord's Prayer and The Apostles Creed and got it mostly right. After about a half hour of feeling merged a six point buck apprached. I shot, but got him in the gut. I scooted down and ran the way he went. I ran after him, sweating, eventually finding him down near where he had tried to jump a fence but didn't make it. Nobody else who hunted there that year got a deer. I was pleased but I really didn't care because I had gotten something better. I gave most of the meat to my friends. I tried offering some to my mate to be but was told forget it, it wasn't thirty days yet. The relationship tookbaby steps after that but I spent more time learning the Methodist ways and going to church at least weekly. It was wonderful but I did absent myself from Sunday services a year later for hunting at the same place, but it was spiritual just as that other time.
(BTW I hope this doesn't offend non-hunters-most of us, whether we are Christian or not try to be good stewards of the resources and not to kill game except for food. I apologize if some were offended but many other hunters have also told me of spiritual experiences while in a deer stand.)
At 26 I fell in love with a fervent Methodist who made it clear to me there was no way the relationship was going to the next level unless I was also a believer. I was dumbfounded. My rational self was ready to skedaddle. I tried faking it. My new love was quick to identify the fakery. I was banished for a month to contemplate the future.
At that time I had begun deer hunting on a friend's land. This area in Central Texas is quite beautiful, bountiful land, right at the geographical division between the humid South and the arid West. It is a hunter's paradise with plentiful game. When I got up about 4:30 AM to hit the deer stand my hosts told me they were sleeping in; "go on by yourself," they said.
So I did. I am not a morning person anyhow but with the stresses at the time and the religious/relationship issues so prominent I could hardly concentrate. Morning sounds of birds were heard as the sun rise. Varying between trying to hunt and agonizing over the situation, it appeared as if words entered my mind, Who made this for thee? Shouldn't you be enjoying this like other hunters are? Things will work out if you believe. Whether it was a divine voice or not (I think so) it had the intended effect. Rationalist assumptions crumbled. I was trembling. I tried to remember The Lord's Prayer and The Apostles Creed and got it mostly right. After about a half hour of feeling merged a six point buck apprached. I shot, but got him in the gut. I scooted down and ran the way he went. I ran after him, sweating, eventually finding him down near where he had tried to jump a fence but didn't make it. Nobody else who hunted there that year got a deer. I was pleased but I really didn't care because I had gotten something better. I gave most of the meat to my friends. I tried offering some to my mate to be but was told forget it, it wasn't thirty days yet. The relationship tookbaby steps after that but I spent more time learning the Methodist ways and going to church at least weekly. It was wonderful but I did absent myself from Sunday services a year later for hunting at the same place, but it was spiritual just as that other time.
(BTW I hope this doesn't offend non-hunters-most of us, whether we are Christian or not try to be good stewards of the resources and not to kill game except for food. I apologize if some were offended but many other hunters have also told me of spiritual experiences while in a deer stand.)
