Fractured family advice?

[Maniel]

I'm here seeking advice on my family that is very fractured, with some rather distanced relationships. I wonder how many Christian families are fractured these days? In my own family there's so many issues it's hard knowing where to start. I hope my family can heal somehow. In short:

1. My brother and sister has distanced themselves from the faith, which create some tension. Patience and prayers are probably the best
2. My father and mother "divorced" in the sense my mother moved out, but they still meet regularly, but it's kind of weird to everyone
   
3. There has been drinking problems for many years, with vivid memories of my mother being very drunk when we were kids. She has recently started some therapy.
   
4. There was a lot of fighting between my mother and father when we were kids, creating uncertainty and much sorrow
5. My dad had some mental issues, depression and maybe some kind of PTSD probably going back to a harsh upbringing
6. My brother and sister are distancing themselves increasingly, my mother expressed sorrow the last time I saw her, that my brother didn't take the time to visit

And so on. I'm still trying to reconcile and figure a way that we can hopefully begin a healing process.
Both my mother and father live pretty isolated lives. They are not church going.
I feel some of the issue lie in that they don't get to meet other people. I've tried to motivate them, but they avoid the question, or push it back to some other time. I wonder how I could talk to them about it? I was about to write a letter, but that sounded kinda strict and commanding, telling them about everyone's need for church, for other people, that we can't make it alone. Or maybe these confrontations are necessary, that we try to communicate?

I understand their lives haven't been easy. Years of bad habits, limited reflection on their issue, low motivation, and general mental issues make it hard to get out of that spiral. Have some of you guys dealt with some of these things, and actually managed to begin some good steps as a family?

Kind regards

 

[com7fy8]

What seems to work is to pray for your family, be a good example for them, love them; and God is able to change them and show them what is good.

 

[timf]

Pouring your heart out to them of your love for them can make a difference. You can offer to go with them to an AA or Alanon meeting.

People can accumulate scars. They can even strike out to keep others from harming them again. New habits are hard to pick up. However, you can be an example of love in action.

You don't have to write a letter. You are right in that can seem pretty harsh. If you visit with someone and offer to be with them on their road to healing, you might have a better chance.

Most people who have been hurt, appreciate it if their pain is acknowledged. That your heart is tuned into their pain is a testimony to you sensitive nature and your unique position to help each of them heal.

I wouldn't suggest hitting them over the head with a bible. Rather go slow and just be available to answer whatever questions arise as they come up.

 

[kalwa]

Love them is great advice ... but actively look for ways to show them love in a non judmental way ...try to find opportunities to go the extra mile to be helpful and supportive and patient. This won't make the problems go away but will establish stronger relationships with family members because they will see Jesus Christ in you ... no need to preach a sermon, just live the life. It has certainly helped in my situation with my family.

 

[SANTOSO]

I'm here seeking advice on my family that is very fractured, with some rather distanced relationships. I wonder how many Christian families are fractured these days? In my own family there's so many issues it's hard knowing where to start. I hope my family can heal somehow. In short:

1. My brother and sister has distanced themselves from the faith, which create some tension. Patience and prayers are probably the best
2. My father and mother "divorced" in the sense my mother moved out, but they still meet regularly, but it's kind of weird to everyone
   
3. There has been drinking problems for many years, with vivid memories of my mother being very drunk when we were kids. She has recently started some therapy.
   
4. There was a lot of fighting between my mother and father when we were kids, creating uncertainty and much sorrow
5. My dad had some mental issues, depression and maybe some kind of PTSD probably going back to a harsh upbringing
6. My brother and sister are distancing themselves increasingly, my mother expressed sorrow the last time I saw her, that my brother didn't take the time to visit

And so on. I'm still trying to reconcile and figure a way that we can hopefully begin a healing process.
Both my mother and father live pretty isolated lives. They are not church going.
I feel some of the issue lie in that they don't get to meet other people. I've tried to motivate them, but they avoid the question, or push it back to some other time. I wonder how I could talk to them about it? I was about to write a letter, but that sounded kinda strict and commanding, telling them about everyone's need for church, for other people, that we can't make it alone. Or maybe these confrontations are necessary, that we try to communicate?

I understand their lives haven't been easy. Years of bad habits, limited reflection on their issue, low motivation, and general mental issues make it hard to get out of that spiral. Have some of you guys dealt with some of these things, and actually managed to begin some good steps as a family?

Kind regards

Beloved one, you should not let your thoughts wonder on how many Christian families are fractured these days? Consider, beloved one, who would like you to know this ? It can’t be God. Is it really you thinking this ? What benefits you get if you find there are many
Christian families are fractured these days; you would only find despair but not hope, and eventually you will distance yourself from the faith and abandon God. So beloved one, put away that thoughts, that were not of God.

But this thought that you have is good,”In my own family there's so many issues it's hard knowing where to start. I hope my family can heal somehow.”

Let me tell where to start for emotional healing. Pray! Why ? This is what we have heard:
Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise. -James 5:13

Are you not suffering emotionally? Are not all your members of your family suffering emotionally and mentally ? So whatever the sufferings, pray. Whether you were suffering for what was wrong or right? The advise we heard : PRAY.

So what you should pray. Pray this:

Lord Jesus Christ, my Shepherd.
I bless the circumstances that bring grief and sorrow into my heart. I bless it. I receive the peace of Jesus Christ and the inheritance blessings— that is coming to me; from blessing it.
Amen.

Beloved one, as one who also have suffered, this prayer have always with me, that bring comfort in my afflictions. I have prayed many many times.

Then consider what our Lord have said:
Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. -Mark 11:24
And whenever you stand praying,FORGIVE , if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses." -Mark 11:25

So beloved one, our Lord Jesus taught us to forgive others who wronged us so that our Father also who is in heaven may forgive us our trespasses.

Beloved one, it is to perceive what UNFORGIVENESS has done ! This is what we have heard:

Behold, the LORD's hand is not shortened, that it cannot save, or his ear dull, that it cannot hear; -Isaiah 59:1
but your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you so that he does not hear. -Isaiah 59:2

Didn’t we long for the Lord to save each member of our family ? It is not that the Lord can’t save. He can.

The iniquities of us and each member of our family have made a separation between us and our God, and our sins have hidden His face from us so that He does not hear our prayers.

What we should do then?
Consider again what our Lord have taught and said:

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, -Matthew 6:14
but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. -Matthew 6:15

Beloved one, we should take heed the condition that our Lord have taught and said.

So beloved one, daily release forgiveness to them who wronged you and pray for all members of your family. Pray:

Lord Jesus Christ,
I bless the persons who accuse me, hurt me, disappoint me, upset me, mistreat me, resent me, reject me, and abandon me

I may have been accused, hurt, disappointed, upset, mistreated,hated, and rejected, abandoned

but now I release forgiveness to those who hurt me, disappoint me, upset me, mistreat me, resent me,reject me and abandoned.

I bless the persons who accuse, hurt, disappointed, upset, mistreated,hated, rejected me, abandoned me.

I thank you Father in Heaven.
When I bless them, I got blessings coming my way.
I am inheriting blessings today or tonight.
Amen.

And or ; you can pray this :
Lord Jesus, if I have anything against anyone, I forgive as You have forgiven me. I am assured that I have met your condition to be forgiven. I believe Abba has forgiven my trespass. Amen

This is how you can pray on behalf of members of your family :

Lord Jesus Christ, I am praying for my parents, brothers and sisters and I am not praying for the world but for those whom You have given me, for they are Yours.
Holy Spirit, I seek your help.
Abba, grant my parents, brothers and sisters to be strengthened through Your Spirit, to release forgiveness to others. I ask this in the name of Your Son, Jesus Christ.
Lord, earlier I have released forgiveness to others. I have met your condition, that there are no longer be any separation between me and You. For You are my God. And You no longer hide Your face from me and You hear my prayer. Lord, heal my family and my family shall be healed. Save my family, O Lord Jesus Christ, and my family shall be saved. I believe that I have received it, and it will be mine.Amen

Beloved one, pray and believe and it will be yours.

Beloved one, I understand you have many questions not answered. Seek me via private conversation. I will gladly advise you.

May the peace of Christ be with you and your family.
To God the Father be thanksgiving through Christ. Amen.