Forgotten

[Mollykathryne]

I don't know if what I feel is rational a lot of the time.
I was abused at a young age and completely blocked it all from my memory.
Until last year, when it really hit me what happened. I tried to explain it in my mind.
Has anyone else been abused by a child, as a child? It sure feels as if I am completely alone. Things have seemed okay and then this week everything hit me like a ton of bricks. I want to escape. None of my friends live here right now. My family doesn't know what happened, and I don't have the strength to say anything.
I came on CF a long time ago, before I remembered... It had helped me heal so much, and now I hope it does the same thing this time.

 

[Johnnz]

Nasty staff gets pushed down. But it does return later in some way. Getting some help to talk about your past and learning how Jesus can help you with that is a necessary process for you.

John
NZ

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

You're definitely not alone. It's not surprising that memories have come back up. Sounds like it's your mind's way of saying it's time to work on healing more. Though that's a tough walk, it's a good journey to take.

Do you have access to a counselor who can help you heal through your memories of the trauma you experienced?

 

[vanillaflower300]

Yes. I had multiple abuse growing up. Some from adults. Some from children.

 

[vanillaflower300]

I can't PM anyone on here because I am new and haven't posted enough posts.

 

[Morning Star Royal]

It doesn't hit full force when you're young. The reason: Everyone denies it and makes you the blame, you responsible and you to deal with it on your own. But that's totally wrong. Society is wrong. Courts and judges, professionals and counselors are wrong. This is why I was abused and it was allowed for seventeen years, so I could understand all the ins and out and all the social dynamics involved so I could intervene comprehensively from one to one to universally.

At two, God gifted me with music. Unaided by anyone, I could play Swan Lake beautifully, flawlessly with composer dynamics and feeling. At five, I entered first grade and was able to teach physics to adults. However, I was being battered emotionally and physically at home and it was getting ever worse. When it rains it pours. My first grade teacher/first teacher was a wonderful person. There was a piano in the classroom. I played it and she was amazed. Then she put me in an elite group of three and I was the top speller. She was going to have me placed in a top gifted school but events immediately transpired as follows: First, I was sneak-attack assaulted unprovoked by a bully who was five grades above and totally in the wrong part of the school yard. I was kicked Hard in the brass. In agonizing pain, I was brought to the principal who had me drop my pants and then claimed to everyone I was lying about the assault. Two days later, the same bully showed up again heading straight for me and this time shoved me into a class mate which pushed him in the street. A girl turned seeing the tail end of the attack and said that I pushed him in the street... And though the student was not hit by a car, I was treated as if it was my intent to do so like a potential murderer. So the principal sent a note home claiming I lied about an assault on me and then tried to push a child into oncoming traffic. I was beaten and then beaten again and then beaten again, on and on and on.

When I returned to school traumatized, my teacher was gone, the piano was gone and there was an old school hag disciplinarian who gave me an evil grin and hounded me for every infraction that she could possibly make up and use. She screamed like a wretched crow: "Jeffrey, you have five papers, FIVE PAPERS, you need to finish!!! And there were no such papers. She never assigned them. Then it was: "Jeffrey, your boots were not placed properly in the hall!!!" Yeah, because some kids came running through and I could hear through the wall one of them kicking my boots down the hall. Sure enough... Then she started handing out Fs with a that evil grin and exclamation point on it. I'd go home and the beatings got even more severe. And the record snowballs into the abyss.

Upon coming into a new school in grade two, and with hopes of a new far more supportive environment, I was framed Again for something foul. Someone claimed I drew a picture of a naked lady and presented a crayon drawing with Jeffrey signed on it. It was not my drawing and the art was far too unrefined to be mine. I had just started there and now the nightmare could not be shaken off! This is what they do to gifted children. They railroad them and condone and reward conspiracy abuse and degradation against them. This is what Satan does in secret to God's kids.

I didn't use profanity, everyone else did though. Such a thing was way too unrefined for me. But I am letting those people know what I think of them now. I'm letting the whole system know. And God is with me on it a thousand percent. Do you think for one second anyone in heaven would sit on their feathers on this?

Like you, it didn't hit me full force until years later (in stages so that it is not too heavy all at once). Whenever I tried to tell what I knew of it to anyone as a young adult, everyone just brushes you off making you solely responsible for everything. "You brought it on yourself" is one of my most hated phrases used by so called "experts" today. How the ____ does a young beautiful kid full of love and talent from God bring That on themselves, huh?!!! Then you reach out for help when you can no longer function and what do you have: Welfare with its obstinate workers who treat you like refuse, run you around to pieces, make you do a pile of humiliating paper work (to discourage the totally dysfunctional who are without advocates from getting survival pennies which are by far totally un satisfactory), make you tell the painful details over and over and over making you relieve it all each ____ time, and make you report every penny that might stick to the gum on your shoe so they can deduct nothing from nothing and/or criminalize and close your case over some mistake that is like a gun with a hair trigger aimed at your soul.

Now, this is how I see it: You've been abused. You can go Anywhere, I don't care where, say it once, and the wheels of comprehensive support turn at light speed because, in fact, light can carry 2.4 terabits of data around the world in a second. USE IT and ditch the old, NOW!! Mailing paper and/or using slow, archaic computers. Come on!! Loose the legalism, loose the run-around, loose the cold dispassionate client interface. There should be a few easy questions to determine whether someone is gifted. If they are, it goes much higher to a star center program run and staffed by intellectuals who are full of love and know how to roll out a royal blue carpet and give comprehensive support in giving unlimited access, backing, and placing these lovely kids on the cutting edge of the future. This is how you wipe their tears away; and this is how you turn around a global extinction created by man!

Love, Jeffrey