I'm curious about how other people have handled forgiving others. It took me a long time to realize that forgiveness is not a 'feeling' but an act of obedience (Matthew 6:14-15). I started wondering about this after I was raped/held 'hostage' for 6 hours, escaped, and the police shot the guy in my bedroom. I had to testify at the trial, and deal with the aftermath of what had happened. I wanted to forgive this man. I knew it was what God wanted me to do, but it didn't FEEL like something I could do. And it wasn't something I could do without God showing me that forgiveness is about Him being in control of things, and me not playing the ultimate judge; if God was willing to forgive this man (if he would ever come to God seeking salvation), who was I to have higher standards than God....I began to understand that it's about obedience, and not having unforgiveness in my heart, and leaving revenge/consequences to Him. It was a process, then an act, and has been incredibly freeing. I was sort of stuck in the trauma until I was able to let go of the idea that I had to 'feel' forgiveness.... it was almost a 'just do it' realization..... anyway, just interested in hearing how others have handled situations where forgiveness is difficult, both by the situation and the understanding of what forgiveness is. 
Yeah, I think God's timing in this was incredible. Shortly after all of this happened, I thought about I 'should' forgive this man, and was willing in many ways, but I just didn't understand what forgiveness meant...I thought it was more of a 'oh, well, that's ok...it wasn't any big deal...', and I couldn't do that!!!! (go figure..). Then I went through some years when I wasn't growing as a Christian at all, and looking at some 'naturey' religion stuff (via people I was hanging out with at the time) which REALLY mucked up the waters!!!! I went through some other tough stuff, and in the midst of that, God really started working in my life (and I started to seek His ways and grow!), and helped me understand that forgiveness isn't about dismissing/condoning anything, but leaving the issue to Him.... (also He told me to ditch the shaman/nature stuff, and dust off my study Bible!!). But it was something I had to understand before I could do (is that lack of faith???). I wanted to, but just didn't get it, and wanted it to be done with understanding so it wasn't a watered down version! At any rate, could you guys pray for this guy that he'll be open to hearing about the Lord in prison?? (he got 60 years for what he did to me, and is a prison 'frequent flyer', so parole isn't going to be easy- he also beat up a cop when they went to my apartment... that doesn't usually make the parole board happy!). I no longer ask why, but how can I help others who have been in the same/worse situations... gotta be used for good!!!! 
This was another example of how obedience is freeing- without forgiving, I'd still be stuck in the cycle of anger/revenge/bitterness/ resentment, which would just keep the rape 'current' (even if not totally conscious), and keep me bound to the effects of what he did, and staying stuck is a choice I didn't want to keep doing!
