After I graduated college I fell into the sin of homosexuality. I struggled with it my entire life and unfortunately fell into it and all the debauchery that goes with it. It ended up moving me across the country, destroying my life, and my career. I since have left the lifestyle and am finally, by the grace of God, getting somewhere in the healing process. That said, I find myself unable to forgive myself. Everytime I go to work at my dead end job I think of what could have been had I not had fallen into the sin. I am afraid to attempt a relationship with the opposite sex because I know my past may come up and if we get serious enough I would have to open up about it. My worst fear is that my friends will find out the lifestyle I once lived. I know God has forgiven me, but I am still wrought with shame and guilt over what I did.
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Forgiving myself?
- Thread starter bchris02
- Start date
revelashayne
Newbie
Don't give up brother. I too struggle against the flesh. We know what God wants from us as his servants and children. The past is history so surrender it to the Lord. Dwelling on it will only bring depression. Hang in there. Remember the battle is already won 
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Yes, forgiving ourselves can be the hardest thing. But you know what, it's a good idea to go and read about the people in the Bible and how much they screwed up. Hoo boy! You don't feel so bad after that because God was gracious to them and still used them for his glory. I pray for your continual restoration, you'll be alright! So many people are dealing with the same thing you are, bro.
Whatever you do, don't let it block out the sun. By that, I mean don't let the guilt block your exposure to soaking in God's presence. You just lay still and silent and let him accept you as you are; you are pleasing to him as you are. You can never be good enough to earn his love, the irony is it's his love that restores you. This is a great opportunity for him to be gracious to you and you'll gain an even deeper understanding of his love for you. It's one thing to hear about it but when you experience it . . . wow . . he's so intense I actually find it frightening at times.
2 Corinthians 7:10-1
10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.
11 See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done.
This makes me think of Peter and Judas. Both had guilt for how they abandoned/betrayed Jesus but Judas went off and hung himself while Peter sought forgiveness. Judas had worldly sorrow and Peter, godly sorrow. Who knows, if Judas repented, God would have been kinder to him than he was to himself. So no matter what, no matter how much you feel the urge, run TO God instead of away when you feel guilty. The devil accuses and condemns, not Jesus who makes all things new.
Whatever you do, don't let it block out the sun. By that, I mean don't let the guilt block your exposure to soaking in God's presence. You just lay still and silent and let him accept you as you are; you are pleasing to him as you are. You can never be good enough to earn his love, the irony is it's his love that restores you. This is a great opportunity for him to be gracious to you and you'll gain an even deeper understanding of his love for you. It's one thing to hear about it but when you experience it . . . wow . . he's so intense I actually find it frightening at times.
2 Corinthians 7:10-1
10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.
11 See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done.
This makes me think of Peter and Judas. Both had guilt for how they abandoned/betrayed Jesus but Judas went off and hung himself while Peter sought forgiveness. Judas had worldly sorrow and Peter, godly sorrow. Who knows, if Judas repented, God would have been kinder to him than he was to himself. So no matter what, no matter how much you feel the urge, run TO God instead of away when you feel guilty. The devil accuses and condemns, not Jesus who makes all things new.
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You might be surprised by the reactions of your friends or of a future girlfriend/wife if the Lord leads you that way. I kept my abortion secret from my family and boyfriend for years until the guilt just about destroyed me through self-harm and anorexia, but when I did come clean about it, my family was so forgiving and gracious... it was really humbling. Might it help to find one good friend in whom you can confide and who you can be accountable to about this area of your life?
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I know how that guilt feels man, trust me. I feel it every time I fall into that temptation and it lasts a while.
All that matters and should matter is that God has forgiven you, there is no need to feel like you have to forgive yourself.
Ask God to remove the spirit of condemnation from your life, you are guilty for your past, but God has payed the price of that guilt. You seem to have a self-destructive nature and you need to bring that to the foot of the cross. Philippians 4:6-9 READ THAT BRO. I will be praying for you.
If you have any questions or concerns feel free to PM me as I would love to help and also learn from YOU.
God bless,
in His shadow
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