Forgiveness.

[Grateful4God]

My family knows I am avoiding my abuser. They are confused as to why. They have not really come out and asked me but I am told they did ask him. He says he has no idea. I have chosen to just avoid him when I can, even if it means not being with that part of my family on holidays and such. We all gather at his house on Christmas Eve. I have decided I do not need to feel obligated to attend his family functions.

I felt obligated on Thanksgiving because that holiday is my moms thing. We gather at her house. I did not talk to him at all and I ended up having a good time. Although he did make a comment about Sandusky deserving what is coming to him, I wanted to jump up and punch him since he felt that way.

God is teaching me about forgiveness. I grew tired of altar calls and offering my pain to God, only to have it lifted for a few hours. I started to grow angry everytime I heard such altar calls. My wife could not understand how I could leave church in a bad mood.

I now see that forgiveness is not about justice. It is not about never feeling the emotions again. God molded me for a reason. God wants me to be who I am and only he knows why right now I guess. If going to the Altar and receiving the grace of God, even if only for a few minutes, is what I am to do. I will. I will run to God over and over.

If a creditor forgives my debt. It does not means they need to trust me again. It does not mean they need to do business with me again. It just means they let a bad experience slide and they will reap the losses.

That all God asks of me I believe. He does not require me to be friends with this guy. He does not require me to subject myself to the hurt and pain everytime I see him. All I am required to do is to find it in me to let him off the hook. Allow God to work in my life and in the life of my abusers (although he mocks Christians, another reason I hate being around him).

Oh and on a side night. I had a "Holiday" card in my mailbox from my abuser today. Really???

 

[Christianfantasy]

Dear Grateful4God, your thoughts on forgiveness were very helpful to read. Your analogy is excellent, and one I had never seen before. You're quite right. Forgiving a debt doesn't mean extending credit for the future, and forgiving an abuser doesn't mean acting like it never happened. I'm so blessed in not ever having to be around my former abuser. I don't know how I would manage to be in the same room w him. I admire you for being able to do that over Thanksgiving. It sounds like you handled it very well.

One thing that might be helpful to remember. Unless this man truly repents, he has a very dark future ahead of him. In other words, he could be looking at an eternity of separation from God. It's hard to imagine what that would be like, but they don't call it 'hell' for nothing. Something I have found that helps is to pray that my abuser truly repents and gets right w God. It's easier, at least for me, to forgive when I'm also praying for the person's soul. I don't know if you would find that helpful or not. One size does not fit all in these situations. I just thought I'd mention it in case.

Prayers and blessings--and thanks again for sharing those insightful words on forgiveness. I really appreciated them.

 

[NoddaProbBob]

I now see that forgiveness is not about justice. It is not about never feeling the emotions again. God molded me for a reason. God wants me to be who I am and only he knows why right now I guess. If going to the Altar and receiving the grace of God, even if only for a few minutes, is what I am to do. I will. I will run to God over and over.

Thank you for this post. Specifically what I've enboldened. Forgiveness is something that I personally struggle with...Honestly, it's something that I don't even think about all too often.
I'm in the middle with it. I don't forgive my abuser, but I don't not forgive him either. If that made sense. My abuse lasted for almost half my current lifespan, so I think that because of how deep it was integrated into my life that I don't always see it as abuse, and therefore, not something necessary of forgiveness. I'm learning how to break those thoughts down though, and your analogy really helps that!
I like you, will run to God over and over if that's what it takes.