From ages 9-13 I was sexually abused by my Dad. To some such a revelation invokes horror. It is not minimization to say it wasn't so bad compared to what happened to others. It was in some part of mutual consent except that children cannot consent. It provided privilege. It was never brutal though it was obvious it was wrong. After ward he would often apologize and cry. At 13 I decided enough was enough and threatened him with a butcher knife. Things changed then. We were sharing household but did not interact much, though a major fight occurred when I was 16 and pushed down the stairs.
After going out the window that night and living on the streets then I lived with my oldest sister and brother-in-law before living on my own. I did not travel home after that much till I was 22. Dad and I somewhat reconciled in the late 1990s. He said at one point then he respected me more than my siblings because of my ambition. Of course like my Mom he was devastated by my oldest brother's suicide over a bad divorce. BTW in no way do I blame my Mom for what happened at all. She was entirely clueless.
I was very bitter toward him in my late teens and early 20s. Later I came to realize several things. His childhood was probably much worse than most Americans' childhoods were. His parents died young and he was taken out of school and worked hard on a South Texas ranch by an uncle's family that had little use for him. He was on his own at age 16 and drifted around, eventually joining the Air Force and later working in the building trades. We were working poor throughout my childhood, but in later years he started his own business and obtained lucrative government contracts. They still live in the same house but have money in the bank and occasionally my Mom has steered largesse my way.
My Dad now has Alzheimer's and my Mom and youngest sister take care of him. Occasionally we and the other siblings help out. Two of my brothers-in-law run the business with consent of my Mom which has led to tensions between them and her at times but I try and avoid those conflicts.
I have no problem forgiving him entirely for what happened, though as I've said it wasn't always so. As scripture states we should forgive 7 x 70 and I doubt I have 490 instances though it comes close. We all fall short of the mark. Life is too short to dwell on past hurts. As the saying goes that which does not kill you will make you stronger. As the Father forgave the prodigal son how can we do any less?
After going out the window that night and living on the streets then I lived with my oldest sister and brother-in-law before living on my own. I did not travel home after that much till I was 22. Dad and I somewhat reconciled in the late 1990s. He said at one point then he respected me more than my siblings because of my ambition. Of course like my Mom he was devastated by my oldest brother's suicide over a bad divorce. BTW in no way do I blame my Mom for what happened at all. She was entirely clueless.
I was very bitter toward him in my late teens and early 20s. Later I came to realize several things. His childhood was probably much worse than most Americans' childhoods were. His parents died young and he was taken out of school and worked hard on a South Texas ranch by an uncle's family that had little use for him. He was on his own at age 16 and drifted around, eventually joining the Air Force and later working in the building trades. We were working poor throughout my childhood, but in later years he started his own business and obtained lucrative government contracts. They still live in the same house but have money in the bank and occasionally my Mom has steered largesse my way.
My Dad now has Alzheimer's and my Mom and youngest sister take care of him. Occasionally we and the other siblings help out. Two of my brothers-in-law run the business with consent of my Mom which has led to tensions between them and her at times but I try and avoid those conflicts.
I have no problem forgiving him entirely for what happened, though as I've said it wasn't always so. As scripture states we should forgive 7 x 70 and I doubt I have 490 instances though it comes close. We all fall short of the mark. Life is too short to dwell on past hurts. As the saying goes that which does not kill you will make you stronger. As the Father forgave the prodigal son how can we do any less?
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HUGS BONITA! You are truly one of the bravest people I know and one of the people on this site that I enjoy the most. You are strong, I can tell, and will always be in my prayers!
