Forgiveness after cheating?

[St_Worm2]

Just to clear things up, yes he is my boyfriend and not my husband.

Hi AthenaCat, OK, thanks, that completely changes what I'm going to say. First off though, I am sorry about the "stalker". I've never seen anything quite like that since I've been posting here and you're right, that was pretty creepy!

Now, as to your relationship with your BF, my advice is to end it immediately. Not because of anything he did or didn't do, but because you are a Christian.

As I'm sure you've found, it can sometimes be difficult to discern what God's will is in certain situations, especially if they're not directly addressed in Scripture. In fact, haven't you wished you could just turn to a page in the Bible and it would clearly tell you, "THIS IS THE WILL OF GOD", so you could just get on with it? I know I have ..

Well, as far as relationships are concerned, this is your lucky day .. The will of God concerning proper sexual behavior for Christians is made abundantly clear in the Bible in a number of places, and that is especially true in 1 Thessalonians which says:

"This is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality" 1 Thess 4:3
​

Anyone who is sexually active outside of marriage is going against the express will of God and is living in sin by doing so. This is why you need to end this relationship immediately and ask God to forgive you!

Yours and His,
David

 

[BlueJay83]

Anyone who is sexually active outside of marriage is going against the express will of God and is living in sin by doing so. This is why you need to end this relationship immediately and ask God to forgive you!

WOW

Ummm,
I'll bet everything in my wallet you have gone against the will of God this week.

You dont destroy a relationship like that.

Who are you to say their relationship is not from God, and that it must be ended?
Simply because they are not married.. it doesn't mean their relatonship is evil.

The next time you look at a billboard and lust.. tear your eyes out.
It's not your place to condemn.

 

[ajunkyarddog]

I think that is prejudice, we don't need more ways to divide the society and create conflict in today's world. For all you know if she chooses to be with a non-Christian she might save them.

As for the being sexually active outside marriage, no one listens to that. There is no sense getting married just to find out your not sexually compatible and then having to divorce once you lose interest from lack of physical intimacy. Alternatively, you have young adults rushing into marriages just because they want to be able to have sex. Out dated idea, might explain the high divorce rate in America today, 85% Christian and 50% divorce rate. So it is better to give real advice.

I am going to have to disagree with you here. People should not be having sex outside of marriage. I understand that people have sex outside of marriage anyway, but people do a lot of things that they shouldn't, and it should not be justified just because they want it to be.
The whole "sexually incompatible" thing has always sounded like BS to me. What does that even really mean? If you don't have sex with multiple people, how do you know what "type" you are, or whatever, first of all.
Secondly, if you are talking about sex drives, then I hope you understand sex drives change over time. Are you planning on getting a divorce once the sex is not that same as it once was when you tested it out to make sure you were marriage-ready?

As for the OP, I would just like to say that I am not married, but we are married in our hearts.
Is there a reason you are not married? Ours is just financial.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

FTR, my husband and I (both former athiests and not virgins) waited until marriage with each other and it has worked out quite well for us in the compatibility department.

 

[St_Worm2]

I think that is prejudice, we don't need more ways to divide the society and create conflict in today's world. For all you know if she chooses to be with a non-Christian she might save them.

"Prejudice"? How is pointing out the need to obey God in any way prejudicial, especially when it involves someone who claims to be a Christian ..

And as far as being obedient to God causing division and conflict in today's world, I'd have to agree with you. In fact, being truly obedient to Christ has regularly ripped apart families and friends for more than 2,000 years now (see .. Luke 12:49-53). The "world" may not like what He has to say, but that doesn't mean we (especially as Christians) can simply disregard it as we see fit.

Finally, your last point is really moot, isn't it, simply because we know very little about him or his spiritual condition. I will make this comment however, "Missionary Dating", where a Christian tries to lead a non-believer to Christ while dating them rarely works or ends well, but "Missionary Mating" doesn't stand a chance. You can't honestly believe that someone can lead a person into sin and to Christ at the same time. You continue:

As for the being sexually active outside marriage, no one listens to that.

.........the high divorce rate in America today, 85% Christian and 50% divorce rate. So it is better to give real advice.

I listened when I became a Christian and have been listening ever since .. And I know lots of others who continue to do the same, PTL!!

Yours and His,
David
p.s. - as far as the divorce statistics you posited for us above, I'm curious, where did you get them? They seem just a tad higher than the ones I have access to.

 

[St_Worm2]

WOW

Ummm,
I'll bet everything in my wallet you have gone against the will of God this week.

I won't take that bet Candleman, if it means I'll have to give you everything in my wallet if I've sinned at all this week ..

There is one very important difference however, when we sin and are convicted of it, we are called to repent (stop doing the sin), ask God for forgiveness, and, hopefully, get up and get back to living our lives for Christ again. What we mustn't do is find some way to justify the sin in our minds so that we can continue doing it as if it (somehow) no longer matters. That is "living in sin". You continue:

You dont destroy a relationship like that.

I haven't "destroyed" anything Candleman, I simply pointed out what the Bible says, that sex outside of marriage is sinful. BTW, the pointing out of an error to a sinning Christian brother or sister is something the Bible both instructs and encourages us to do (see .. James 5:19-20). We are our brother's keeper ..

You continue:

Who are you to say their relationship is not from God, and that it must be ended? Simply because they are not married.. it doesn't mean their relatonship is evil.

Again, I'm not the one saying anything, but as I pointed out in my post above (#25), God's Word is clear about this (see .. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8).

As for the "evil" relationship thing, I never said that. I don't believe that all sin is, "evil" (IOW, it's not something that is normally perpetrated to intentionally go against the will of God .. that would be "evil"), but I do believe all sin needs to be repented of as soon as one becomes aware of it. You continue:

The next time you look at a billboard and lust.. tear your eyes out.
It's not your place to condemn.

I don't believe I've ever looked at a billboard with lust in my eyes (well, maybe once, over a picture of a bright red Lamborghini .. ). All silliness aside however, we're right back to the top of this post. Everyone sins, but not everyone lives a sinful "lifestyle", not if they are truly a Christian anyway. A Christian may backslide for a time and fall into such a lifestyle, but the HS will not allow it to continue.

Finally, as to the issue of "condemning", nope, I'm not condemning anyone, just pointing out what the Bible says. I don't believe I was ever unkind, demeaning or vulgar in my post (#25) ... if it seems at all that way AthenaCat, it was certainly not my intention ... I just stated the facts as best I knew them.

AthenaCat seems intelligent and perfectly capable of coming to her own decisions. She asked for advice and I gave her the best I had. Quite frankly, since this board is intended for the rendering of advice to those who ask for it, not for debate, why don't we get back to doing that instead.

--David

 

[Gabe7]

If a man gets drunk and cheats on you before you get married at least you can't say he didn't warn you.

 

[St_Worm2]

If a man gets drunk and cheats on you before you get married at least you can't say he didn't warn you.

Truer words have rarely been spoken .. In fact, it sounds a bit like something "Confucius" might have said ... or, if nothing else, the best advice ever given from the inside of a 'fortune cookie' ..

 

[Life2Christ]

Everyone sins, but not everyone lives a sinful "lifestyle", not if they are truly a Christian anyway. A Christian may backslide for a time and fall into such a lifestyle, but the HS will not allow it to continue.

Exactly, no one is perfect. Although in this situation, I'm concerned about the alcohol abuse (which is a lifestyle addiction).

 

[If Not For Grace]

I respectfully disagree w/the word encouraged-we are encouraged to look at ourselves. There are way more references to those who point out l
"specs" in others, or those about throwing stones, or judging not, etc than 2-3 about correcting in love, which is the key part of James' point.

BTW, the pointing out of an error to a sinning Christian brother or sister is something the Bible both instructs and encourages us to do (see .. James 5:19-20). We are our brother's keeper ..

Martin Luther said he wished the book of James had not been cannonized, because there was not one word of the gospel in it

DaleKo: IMHO I hope there was not much $ in your wallet, b/c it looks like you owe it all to the Candleman,

 

[Lee52]

I am here at the request of a member of the Body of Christ. I have been reprimanded on several occassions by forum moderators because I tend to be confrontive of sin and sinful advice. It hurts people's feelings and this forum is very concerned to not offend anyone. So I was not going to post, just read and offer my thoughts in PM to them. But,.......

My "weigh-in" on this thread: You need to discard most of the non-Christian advice and take to heart what "If Not For Grace" and "DaLeKo" have said. The Bible especially the NT, either applies to those following Christ, or following Christ is just an empty religion and not a faith full of hope.

If one is not willing to follow the "Chilton's manual", why rebuild the engine?

What I mean by that is that I rebuilt two four cylinder engines one in each of my eldest daughter's cars. I followed the manual, even though I am a fairly good "backyard mechanic". When I put them back together and primed the carburators, both started immediately and ran another 100,000 miles. I had no left over nuts/bolts/parts. Four cylinder engines are much less complicated than life.

Jesus, if we are following Him, takes our abused and misused lives and rebuilds them. He makes them like new. If we do not follow His manual for life, we end up with missing parts, extra bolts, and lots of assorted nuts.

Openning the door to sexual activity awakens exactly what Satan wants to awaken in the lives of people he wants to steal from God. It is the most powerful human desire created by God, until He awakens our spiritual life. Even then, as the Apostle Paul clearly pointed out, the war between our newly awakened spirits and our body of sin is intense. Our body and all of its strong desires wants control of us and is not willing to just allow our spirit made alive in Christ to take over control.

You post that you are a Christian. Who has control of your life, of your body and all of its desires?

Be blessed,
Lee52

 

[ajunkyarddog]

I am here at the request of a member of the Body of Christ. I have been reprimanded on several occassions by forum moderators because I tend to be confrontive of sin and sinful advice. It hurts people's feelings and this forum is very concerned to not offend anyone. So I was not going to post, just read and offer my thoughts in PM to them. But,.......

My "weigh-in" on this thread: You need to discard most of the non-Christian advice and take to heart what "If Not For Grace" and "DaLeKo" have said. The Bible especially the NT, either applies to those following Christ, or following Christ is just an empty religion and not a faith full of hope.

If one is not willing to follow the "Chilton's manual", why rebuild the engine?

What I mean by that is that I rebuilt two four cylinder engines one in each of my eldest daughter's cars. I followed the manual, even though I am a fairly good "backyard mechanic". When I put them back together and primed the carburators, both started immediately and ran another 100,000 miles. I had no left over nuts/bolts/parts. Four cylinder engines are much less complicated than life.

Jesus, if we are following Him, takes our abused and misused lives and rebuilds them. He makes them like new. If we do not follow His manual for life, we end up with missing parts, extra bolts, and lots of assorted nuts.

Openning the door to sexual activity awakens exactly what Satan wants to awaken in the lives of people he wants to steal from God. It is the most powerful human desire created by God, until He awakens our spiritual life. Even then, as the Apostle Paul clearly pointed out, the war between our newly awakened spirits and our body of sin is intense. Our body and all of its strong desires wants control of us and is not willing to just allow our spirit made alive in Christ to take over control.

You post that you are a Christian. Who has control of your life, of your body and all of its desires?

Be blessed,
Lee52

Yeeeep.

OP, can you please tell us why you are not already married? If this is the only problem with the relationship, then I think it can work if you want it to. You have to both be following the Bible, though. He needs to lay of alcohol, period.

 

[Lee52]

Just for the record so that there is no misunderstanding here, THIS post of If Not For Grace is what I was referring to in my original first posting on this thread:

Trust is the most important thing in a relationship. Period. (including your relationship w/God.) At this time there is no realistic expectation of real trust that I can see.


BF Maintains relationship w/ex GF while "committed" to new GF
BF Drinks to point of Blackouts (usually a situation that occurs only w/chronic alcoholism) or is that just what he told you?
BF has sex w/ex in an area that is "on camera" (?)
You find out from a "friend" other than BF
BF's reaction is to BLAME the EX for the situation (another common characteristic of alcoholic behavior)



None of this behavior demonstates maturity on any level, but all of a sudden b/c
he said he is having no contact w/EX, this is Credible?

HYE tried to change a habit/behavior? I mean like losing weight, quit smoking, go a week w/o using your cell phone? It's HARD, even if you want to..its next to impossible if you don't. He sounds more sorry you found out, than soory for what HE did (But that's right SHE should not have let him--IFhe was "blacked out" I wonder
IF she could have stopped him?)

Forgiveness is not so much about forgetting as it is letting go of the hurt?

Do you realize that if you sleep w/this guy you might be subjecting yourself to a serious form of STD (some of which lay dormat for a number of years), I mean you have to now "square" his sex life by "hers" at the very least.

I say forgive, that means move on without a grudge againt the NEXT guy, but that is in NO way another chance. Cut your losses, this BF has
too many problems to be capable of being in a mature, loving relationship.



The answer to that is not Always-but USUALLY
But ask an alcoholic? The answer is ALWAYS
... Don't be a statistic, I beg you.

It took courage to bring this issue out, take the next step. Go to an Al-Anon meeting & listen to Your story over/over/over/over (are u tired yet) and over/over & see how many of those people went through what you have only once or twice - learn from
experience.

Please Let me hear from those who have BEEN cheated on--just once, let me hear from the spouses whom suffered through this ordeal & for whom nothing changed.
This is post #20, I'm anxious to hear how long it took them & how the epsiode was NEVER hear from again.