Forgiveness, A practical example

[StormyOne]

There is probably none who understands grace and forgiveness better than Desmond Tutu. When Nelson Mandela left prison after 27 years, he could have called for vengeance, retribution against the Whites, he did not, he called for forgiveness. He called upon his old friend Desmond Tutu and asked him to chair the Truth and Reconciliation Commission. The rules were simple: the perpetrators had to tell the truth, the whole truth, and their victims were given the opportunity to forgive.

Many of the atrocities were truly horrific. A policeman called van de Broek told of how he and his fellow officers shot an 18-year-old youth, then burnt the body. Eight years later they went back, took the father, and forced his wife to watch as he was incinerated. She was in court to hear this confession and was asked by the judge what she wanted. She said she wanted van de Broek to go to the place where they burned her husband’s body and gather up the dust so she could give him a decent burial, van de Broek agreed. She then added a further request, “Mr. van de Broek took all my family away from me, and I still have a lot of love to give. Twice a month, I would like for him to come to the ghetto and spend a day with me so I can be a mother to him. And I would like Mr. van de Broek to know that he is forgiven by God, and that I forgive him too. I would like to embrace him so he can know my forgiveness is real.” Spontaneously, some in the courtroom began singing Amazing Grace as the elderly woman made her way to the witness stand, but van de Broek did not hear the hymn, he had fainted, overwhelmed.

http://www.heureka.clara.net/books/tutu-sermon.htm

Forgiveness... is it in you?

 

[HoneyDew]

... "Is it in me?" ... wow ... I do not know. That is an amazing story. We have Jesus as our ultimate example for forgiving, and yet we generally do all we can to extract that pound of flesh from those who have wronged us. I can sit here and say that if I where in her place, I do not know what I would be feeling or saying. I would like to think that I could harness just a small portion of that powerful forgiving spirit she displayed.

 

[StormyOne]

it is deep and a story that gives you pause.... yet I believe that God is growing all those who follow him in that direction....

 

[Seraph1m]

It makes you wonder. Is the love of Christ so deeply planted in my heart that I can forgive one who has harmed me or mine? How many of us can do something to encourage the family of one who has victimized you or one of your children?

Do I allow the roots of His love to be nourished daily by the watering of the Holy Spirit through prayer, study and practicing that which He has taught me? Or do I allow hatred, bitterness and unforgiveness to choke out all that the Lord desires to grow in me? What can the life of Christ teach me about how to treat one who sees himself as my enemy?

 

[SassySDA]

It makes you wonder. Is the love of Christ so deeply planted in my heart that I can forgive one who has harmed me or mine? How many of us can do something to encourage the family of one who has victimized you or one of your children?

Do I allow the roots of His love to be nourished daily by the watering of the Holy Spirit through prayer, study and practicing that which He has taught me? Or do I allow hatred, bitterness and unforgiveness to choke out all that the Lord desires to grow in me? What can the life of Christ teach me about how to treat one who sees himself as my enemy?

Excellent post. I was watching Dr. Phil this morning, and it was a show about a teenage girl who had hit her ex-boyfriend with her parent's car and killed him. She says it was an accident, and the boy's parents don't believe that, they think she did it on purpose. He had the girls family and the deceased's family on the show.

As I have a loved one incarcerated, I could sympathize with the girl's family. It's the most horrendous thing you can experience. The boy's mother kept saying, "you can see your daughter, you can hug your daughter", etc. In some facilities you cannot touch, so she may or may not be able to hug her daughter, and she CAN see her daughter, but it's for very limited amounts of time and usually through plexiglass. Now, I'm not saying this to try and get everyone to feel sorry for the inmates. I'm giving a perspective from someone who has an incarcerated loved one, and it's literal hades on the family. Once that family member is placed in that facility, they may as well be dead to you. It feels like they are.

As a parent, I sympathized with the family of the deceased. They were still very upset and it had been 3 and 1/2 years ago. They thought she was going to get life without parole for this. I'm not certain where they were at the time, but the girl was offered a plea bargain, and that isn't usually done without the DA informing the victim's family and getting their feelings about it. But they acted like they had no clue she was getting 12 years instead of LWOP.

I saw two families literally torn apart by anger and bitterness. The girl's family is trying to get her another parole date. She had one, and was denied, mainly because of the deceased's family being against her release.

The girl's mother is suffering seizures, and is now having heart problems. I know all about what that kind of stress will do to you physically and mentally. It wears both down. Her brother went from being an A student to an F student and defies authority left and right now. He was very close to his older sister, and he sees the system as having wronged her because in his mind this was an accident and they are treating her like a murderer.

I said prayers to my Lord while I was watching this "train wreck", to send the Holy Spirit to guide BOTH families so that healing can begin. Dr. Phil offered to pay for private counseling for both families, and that's a good thing, but I'm counting on God to step in here and help these people start to get some relief from this pain.

The boy's family wants revenge and they admitted it. They are letting the anger and bitterness and hatred eat them alive.

I'm the kind to forgive and forget as quickly as possible. Over the years I've learned that to harbor hatred and bitterness in your heart only hurts you. The one you are angry at doesn't feel it, and most times is completely oblivious to it. In the mean time it's destroying your health, both emotional AND physical.

 

[HoneyDew]

It is not always that someone can see both sides of such a terrible occasion. Thanks, Sassy. You are right, only God can step in and get them into healing.
I don't know what I would do if I were the parents of the dead boy. I pray I never have to find out, but really, what would I do? Would I learn to forgive and tell them so like that woman in South Africa who forgave the cops who killed her son and husband, or would I be like this family holding on to my anger and despair?

 

[Seraph1m]

As a parent who has had two children assualted, and a daughter pistol whipped and beaten during the incident, I can say that it is only the Lord who can draw the heart to forgive and show compassion to those who have injured your children or you.

It is so much easier to lean on the flesh and allow satan to manipulate us into thinking we are justified in holding on to anger, resentmnt, fear and a vengeful attitude.

What does the Lord expect of us when someone has wronged, whether real or imagined?

 

[SDA14]

yea.

 

[honorthesabbath]

Excellent post. I was watching Dr. Phil this morning, and it was a show about a teenage girl who had hit her ex-boyfriend with her parent's car and killed him. She says it was an accident, and the boy's parents don't believe that, they think she did it on purpose. He had the girls family and the deceased's family on the show.

As I have a loved one incarcerated, I could sympathize with the girl's family. It's the most horrendous thing you can experience. The boy's mother kept saying, "you can see your daughter, you can hug your daughter", etc. In some facilities you cannot touch, so she may or may not be able to hug her daughter, and she CAN see her daughter, but it's for very limited amounts of time and usually through plexiglass. Now, I'm not saying this to try and get everyone to feel sorry for the inmates. I'm giving a perspective from someone who has an incarcerated loved one, and it's literal hades on the family. Once that family member is placed in that facility, they may as well be dead to you. It feels like they are.

As a parent, I sympathized with the family of the deceased. They were still very upset and it had been 3 and 1/2 years ago. They thought she was going to get life without parole for this. I'm not certain where they were at the time, but the girl was offered a plea bargain, and that isn't usually done without the DA informing the victim's family and getting their feelings about it. But they acted like they had no clue she was getting 12 years instead of LWOP.

I saw two families literally torn apart by anger and bitterness. The girl's family is trying to get her another parole date. She had one, and was denied, mainly because of the deceased's family being against her release.

The girl's mother is suffering seizures, and is now having heart problems. I know all about what that kind of stress will do to you physically and mentally. It wears both down. Her brother went from being an A student to an F student and defies authority left and right now. He was very close to his older sister, and he sees the system as having wronged her because in his mind this was an accident and they are treating her like a murderer.

I said prayers to my Lord while I was watching this "train wreck", to send the Holy Spirit to guide BOTH families so that healing can begin. Dr. Phil offered to pay for private counseling for both families, and that's a good thing, but I'm counting on God to step in here and help these people start to get some relief from this pain.

The boy's family wants revenge and they admitted it. They are letting the anger and bitterness and hatred eat them alive.

I'm the kind to forgive and forget as quickly as possible. Over the years I've learned that to harbor hatred and bitterness in your heart only hurts you. The one you are angry at doesn't feel it, and most times is completely oblivious to it. In the mean time it's destroying your health, both emotional AND physical.

And don't forget "SPIRITUALLY" Sassy. It kills you spiritually too!
I know, it happened to me.

 

[kimmik]

A year and a half ago my precious, innocent daughter was molested in a daycare. I still pray that I will stop feeling hateful thoughts toward the perpetrator. And, though the thoughts are less intrusive now than they were, I don't know that I've "forgiven" him. I will never be ok with what he did. I have to make a concerted effort to not be hateful.

Nearly three months ago, my husband left me very suddenly and very cruely for another woman. I can't even begin to describe the pain and bitterness I feel.

I don't know if "forgiveness" is in me. I don't know if it's in anyone. But I pray for the strength to be loving and accepting. We can't all have the ability to instantly turn the other cheek. But I'm trusting God to lead me down that path.

 

[freeindeed2]

Forgiveness... is it in you?

Good question! We cannot forgive unless we love (agape). God IS love, and must be living IN us. So, "Forgiveness... is it in you?", is right on.

 

[StormyOne]

A year and a half ago my precious, innocent daughter was molested in a daycare. I still pray that I will stop feeling hateful thoughts toward the perpetrator. And, though the thoughts are less intrusive now than they were, I don't know that I've "forgiven" him. I will never be ok with what he did. I have to make a concerted effort to not be hateful.

Nearly three months ago, my husband left me very suddenly and very cruely for another woman. I can't even begin to describe the pain and bitterness I feel.

I don't know if "forgiveness" is in me. I don't know if it's in anyone. But I pray for the strength to be loving and accepting. We can't all have the ability to instantly turn the other cheek. But I'm trusting God to lead me down that path.

it is my prayer that as you follow Him he will give you the strength to forgive.....