Forgive the bad things

[TheBigYin]

Good morning,

I see a post I made was removed for flaming...when I said that I thought someone was crazy who felt God love through her kitty. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for some of the aggressive posts that I've made - there is a lot going on with me at the moment.

With every day that goes by God seems further and further away....at the moment I'd say He's oh.....100 billion miles away? I just can't control drinking and in the last week I've come home from work 4 nights and gotten plastered...when I do then I "disappear" and someone else appears and thats when the craziness and self-harm starts. I've been so stressed that I've started smoking again as well.

My pastor told me last week to meditate on the prodigal son from the perspective of the fathers love....well I have and it means nothing. I know all the verses about being made holy, acceptable, without condemnation yada yada yada but I feel evil, dirty, black and filthy.

I feel myself slipping away from God again and the pull to Satanism getting stronger. I don't know if this is evil spirits or Borderline Personality Disorder....I check 8 of the 10 boxes for BPD and I've been thinking of going to the doctor and asking for a diagnosis.

So - if you've read any of my posts and have found them aggressive, bitter, angry or hurtful etc then I'm sorry. I get angry when I see others living a good Christian life, when I feel there's no God here for me anymore.

Pray for my healing and please forgive the bad things - half the time I post I'm not even sober.

Have a great day.

 

[dkbwarrior]

Hey, no doubt, you are certainly forgiven! I didn't see the post in question but I have read a couple posts of yours lately that seem unlike some of your others. But of course you are forgiven. You are loved.

I wish I lived by you, and could kick it with you for awhile. Mabey drag you with me to an AA meeting or NA meeting. I still go to those on occasion. Mostly to serve, as I have already found my answer in the Word of God.

It is hard to be helpful over the internet. But the fact that you keep coming here, and the facts of your history that you have shared since you have been here, show that you are seeking after God, or I should say, show that He is seeking you. He is yearning after you. Turning away from Him will not only hurt you, it will also hurt Him. Remember that He gave His life for you.

Peace...

 

[churchlady]

Father, we lay claim to this one out of the clutches of the evil one trying to lure him back to captivity. He is Yours, oh God, and You are able to deliver him to the utmost!

We stand in agreement with him for deliverance from all evil holds on his mind. We bind off the veil of darkness of thoughts that the devil would try to feed into his thinking.

We pray for the provision of what and who he needs to be in his life at the moment to help him with these burdens. God, your will is for the Body of Christ to be as one and carry another's burdens when they are too heavy for one to carry alone.

Therefore Lord, we ask and receive by faith the mercy and abounding grace to his life for this present struggle.

I declare the victory of Christ over his life. I call the weak, strong in the Lord. I decree grace, grace, abounding grace over, to, and through him by the indwelling Holy Spirit.

Where sin abounds, Your grace abounds even more. His sins are paid for. Alcoholism is paid for. Personality Disorder is healed and paid for in Jesus Name. The blood of Christ has covered and attoned for all that the accuser comes to him and says.

Thank you Lord for sending abundant grace and mercy his way today. Praise Your Name. Amen,

 

[dkbwarrior]

Father, we lay claim to this one out of the clutches of the evil one trying to lure him back to captivity. He is Yours, oh God, and You are able to deliver him to the utmost!

We stand in agreement with him for deliverance from all evil holds on his mind. We bind off the veil of darkness of thoughts that the devil would try to feed into his thinking.

We pray for the provision of what and who he needs to be in his life at the moment to help him with these burdens. God, your will is for the Body of Christ to be as one and carry another's burdens when they are too heavy for one to carry alone.

Therefore Lord, we ask and receive by faith the mercy and abounding grace to his life for this present struggle.

I declare the victory of Christ over his life. I call the weak, strong in the Lord. I decree grace, grace, abounding grace over, to, and through him by the indwelling Holy Spirit.

Where sin abounds, Your grace abounds even more. His sins are paid for. Alcoholism is paid for. Personality Disorder is healed and paid for in Jesus Name. The blood of Christ has covered and attoned for all that the accuser comes to him and says.

Thank you Lord for sending abundant grace and mercy his way today. Praise Your Name. Amen,

I agree with you sister, In Jesus Name...

Peace...

 

[LeadWorship]

Yin, I am definitely lifiting you up in prayer.

 

[zaksmummy]

I dont know if you've seen further down the main page there is a Mental health section and there there is a forum for Borderline Personality disorder - you may find help and encouragement there to deal with the self-harm.

As a quick bit of help with this, can I suggest a technique called Mindfulness - which means that you concentrate your mind fully on what you are doing at any given moment so for example, if you are washing the pots you concentrate fully on that experience, the texture and colour of the water and bubbles, the warmth of the water, how your arm feels as you move it in circles as you wipe the pots etc.

This is a proven technique advised to help self-harmers focus their thoughts away from difficult thoughts that are troubling them, it does work so if you feels a bit daft at first bear with it - it takes practice.

As for feeling that God is a million miles away I just want to share a few verses wit you.

Romans 7 v15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that good itself does not dwell in
me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
21So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23but I see another
law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.
Life Through the Spirit 8 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, 2because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you d free from the law of sin and death.

God says remember his promises, there is no condemnation for you, you are a child of the Living God.

 

[GrapeGirl]

I feel ya man. IT is hard to be helpful over the internet in these situations. I'm praying for you though.

 

[Citizen of the Kingdom]

There are people on this forum who have gone thru the same things. I can think of one in particular that you may benifit from her sharing her experiences. I'm surprised she hasn't responded since she was very open with her drinking problem. There was also an AA forum, I don't know if it's still on the site, but maybe contact JustanObserver for some one on one help.

 

[churchlady]

Pray for my healing

Father, we continue to lift up this saint today because You said Your mercies are new every morning.

I come asking for those mercies for this one today. Fill him with your Spirit, Lord.....afresh and new for the struggles of the hour.

Let hope arise in him strong and sure with it's foundation in Your work of redemption.

He has been translated out from the power of darkness. I declare over him this day that he is a child of the light and can see through the lies that the devil is trying to get him to buy into once again. He can see and discern between good and evil because he is Yours, Lord.....a child of the light.

He is blessed and not cursed. Strengthen him therefore according to Your power of Your Holy Spirit even this day. Amen

 

[flaglady]

Don't think there can be one amongst us who hasn't back-slidden and gone into a "sod-God" stage. I know I have. And I know that despite the barriers I have put up, God has always been there routing for me regardless.

Watch this ...

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ee73e63418003b47d7d5

 

[dkbwarrior]

Don't think there can be one amongst us who hasn't back-slidden and gone into a "sod-God" stage. I know I have. And I know that despite the barriers I have put up, God has always been there routing for me regardless.

Watch this ...

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ee73e63418003b47d7d5

I so love that video. I have probably watched it 50 times since someone first posted it on here awhile ago. It makes me cry every freaking time!

Peace...

 

[flaglady]

Me too - I got the dvd.

 

[imperfectchristian]

Good morning,

I see a post I made was removed for flaming...when I said that I thought someone was crazy who felt God love through her kitty. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for some of the aggressive posts that I've made - there is a lot going on with me at the moment.

With every day that goes by God seems further and further away....at the moment I'd say He's oh.....100 billion miles away? I just can't control drinking and in the last week I've come home from work 4 nights and gotten plastered...when I do then I "disappear" and someone else appears and thats when the craziness and self-harm starts. I've been so stressed that I've started smoking again as well.

My pastor told me last week to meditate on the prodigal son from the perspective of the fathers love....well I have and it means nothing. I know all the verses about being made holy, acceptable, without condemnation yada yada yada but I feel evil, dirty, black and filthy.

I feel myself slipping away from God again and the pull to Satanism getting stronger. I don't know if this is evil spirits or Borderline Personality Disorder....I check 8 of the 10 boxes for BPD and I've been thinking of going to the doctor and asking for a diagnosis.

So - if you've read any of my posts and have found them aggressive, bitter, angry or hurtful etc then I'm sorry. I get angry when I see others living a good Christian life, when I feel there's no God here for me anymore.

Pray for my healing and please forgive the bad things - half the time I post I'm not even sober.

Have a great day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HIy6ROT-R_s


This video is the U2 song "Stay" .... it talks about a girl in a abusive relationship.

When I was in High School I was in love with this girl. I had known her all my life and she lived about three hours away from me. We had gotten together and then her supposed friend had told some rumours about us (that she was pregnant) and she had blamed me for it. Later on I wrote her and explained it was not me and we were looking at getting back together.

She invited me to her graduation...things were looking up. Turns out, three weeks before I got there she got raped and she felt like it was her fault and began dating the guy as some kind of way of making herself pay for her mistake. I could not talk her out of it, and despite how I felt about her, we went our separate ways.

This song always reminds me of that time.

I don't know what you are going through, but I hope you hold on to love. Love will be there for you when no one else is.

Bless you!

 

[SharonL]

Yin - one thing about our precious Jesus- he will never leave you.

Just look at it like it is a cloudy day - the clouds cover the sun - but you know the sun is still there - so when you feel the clouds moving in and feel alone - just remember the SON is still there.

We all climb the mountains and sometimes slide back down - but one thing is for certain - the arms of Jesus are right behind us to catch us when we slide - and the demons of darkness will make you think they will catch you, but rest assured they will let you crash and burn.

Just hold on tight - when you feel the clouds forming - just remember the SON is still there with open arms - hold on tight because you cannot do it alone - reach out - reach up - help is all around.

Jude 1:24
Now to Him Who is able to keep you without stumbling or slipping of falling, and to present you unblemished (blameless and faultless) before the presence of His Glory in triumphant joy and exultation---

 

[churchlady]

I so love that video. I have probably watched it 50 times since someone first posted it on here awhile ago. It makes me cry every freaking time!

Because of what you said here, I had to listen to it. Guess what, it made me cry too.

Wow, powerful visual message in that skit! Thanks flaglady, for posting it.