Forced Abortion

[favoredbyGod]

I found that me and my boyfriend are expecting. He is in med school in which he is unable to work and I am in grad school. We were both happy, until I told my mother.
She is forcing me to have an abortion because she is embarassed and doesnt want her friends, our family and church to find out. She wont even tell my father.

I say that this abortion will be forced because I solely depend on my parents financially because it is enforced by the school that I do not work while I am in the nursing program.

My friends have said "Its your body, you have a choice", but I don't. The fact is that babies have to live, they have to eat, have a roof, have necessities. I am solely dependent on my parents, in which my mom is unwilling to even accept the fact that I am pregnant.

I cant even begin to figure out why my mother was so excited when my brother (who was the same age as I) had his son and why my baby isnt even good enough to be born...that hurts.

Me and my mother have always done everything together and have had an excellent relationship, until now, that I am forced to get rid of the baby, that was unexpected but nevertheless welcomed.

Im so sad that my appointment is next week and that I didnt have a choice.....

 

[sweetMelody]

Please do whatever you have to. go on welfare, give the baby up for adoption. anything,but don't let the child be killed. you will forever regret it. please be strong now for your unborn child. he/she depends on you totally and completely.

Your mom will not understand because she is embarrassed, go to your father and tell him yourself. what is more important. being embarrassed for a few months or for this precious life, (and your life) to be changed forever

 

[sweetMelody]

p. s. it may be more important to quit school, and get a job now. you can go to school at another time. The child cannot wait, but your degree can.

 

[favoredbyGod]

I understand that but until then, where will I live until I get a job as bad as the economy is???....No one understands that I still have to live until I find a job, a place, money.... Right now, I have an apartment, a car, food, money that is all furnished. A baby needs a warm home, clothes and these things just dont magically appear overnight, its all easier said, than done.

I dont want to kill my baby, I want to keep my baby desperately, I dont care about the shame, hurt and embarrassment, only survival for the both of us

 

[favoredbyGod]

maybe if I disappear.....but I wouldn't know where to go.

 

[sweetMelody]

there are some homes for unwed mothers. I don't know where you live, but I googled "unwed mothers home" and found a list of sites that take unwed mothers and they help with everything.
here is a couple of them
http://www.catholic.org/national/national_story.php?id=25623
The Two of You, Inc - TTY A Home for Unwed Mothers

This is your time to shine, be courageous and fight for your child. you don't want to give up now. you will look on this someday as your best moment.

 

[favoredbyGod]

I am 24, so I just exceeded the age limit of ages 18-23. Im still looking though

 

[sweetMelody]

keep looking, and please be encouraged. you know it is the right thing to do.

let me tell you something I thought of.

i am a mother of 3, and I always try to defend and care for my children in every possible way.

If there was a car coming toward my child I would put myself in front of it to protect my child. You are now doing that very same thing. taking the blow for your child. Keep going, and know that you are really the only one who can protect this child.

p.s. will the father consider marriage?

take a look at this website http://www.divinemercyhouse.org/index.html

 

[kaykay9.0]

I just second everything Sweet Melody wrote to you. This is much too important a decision (morally and every other way) to feel like you are "forced" into doing it. Doing whatever you need to do in order to keep the baby IS the right thing to do. Please don't resign yourself to having an abortion.

I don't know where to tell you to call, but you could probably start by getting in touch with the social services dept at a local hospital. Another thought is to contact some obstetricians offices and ask if they know of any resources to help young women in your situation. For that matter, someone at your nursing school might could give you some guidance and help here. Also, local adoption agencies would probably also be able to assist you. Try to see what's available in your community. They could assist and guide you from there. As Melody suggested, it would be much better to give up your baby for adoption rather than abort it. (In fact, years ago, my husband and I adopted our own son. Adoption can be a wonderful alternative actually) Even if you didn't end up putting the baby up for adoption, chances are an agency like this could give you some direction on where to get help. I believe that if you honor the Lord by preserving the life of your baby, He will supply your needs one way or the other. I realize this is a tough situation but hang in there. Truly, this is your decision, not your mother's. Please don't be forced into something that is dreadfully immoral and wrong.

Praying for you!

 

[sweetMelody]

Please come back to this thread to let us know how things are going.

Did you tell your father?

Did you cancel that appointment?

Did you find a place to go to until the baby is born?
I am worried about you and have been praying for you.

God bless

 

[favoredbyGod]

I havent set the appointment officially, Im actually trying to stall until I'm too far along....I have not told my father.

Right now I am in a 12 month lease which I just signed last month and cannot get out of, so I dont know what to do (my parents pay for this apartment so I dont have any bills to worry about), but I just cant up and leave and break contract and be taken to court for not paying for breaking the lease, so I dont know.....

 

[kaykay9.0]

I havent set the appointment officially, Im actually trying to stall until I'm too far along....I have not told my father.

Right now I am in a 12 month lease which I just signed last month and cannot get out of, so I dont know what to do (my parents pay for this apartment so I dont have any bills to worry about), but I just cant up and leave and break contract and be taken to court for not paying for breaking the lease, so I dont know.....

Yes, your whole situation is a sad dilemna here, but having to break your lease pales in comparison to aborting your baby. God is a big God and He does have ways of providing for us even when it would appear hopeless in the natural. Your part, right now, however is to make the correct choice concerning your baby.

Have you sat down and had a real heart to heart talk with you mother? Perhaps she could still be persuaded to accept this pregnancy. But if not, you still need to make the correct choice yourself and trust God to take care of you and the baby. I know this is easy for me to say not being in the situation, but nevertheless....

I am praying for you too~

 

[sweetMelody]

stay in the apartment, but talk to your mom and really let her know that it is a terrible terrible thing to kill a baby, and your whole life will always be affected by it. You can tell her that you will avoid seeing her friends and the rest of the family, and you will go to another church, maybe even out of town so she wouldn't be embarrassed.

You understand that this is a most important thing and we will help you with what to say. Talk to a doctor or a priest please. There are many pro-life organizations that will help. please try something. don't let money get in your way. it is temporary, but the child's life and the way you will view your life is permanent.

 

[favoredbyGod]

The odd thing about this is that my mom LOVES children and when other young people or even teenagers get pregnant she practically buys them everything that they need to survive because she is financially able.

I go to school in another state 11 hours away from home, so I wouldnt really be home. I dont know any one in the area since ive only been here 2 weeks and I cant miss school due to clinicals, my boyfriend is hours away so if the child got sick or when I need to go to the hospital, I have to do it all alone.

I am just praying that she will get over the embarassment because that is all it is.... because sadly to say, I have done so well that my some (not all) of my fellow church family were hoping that I messed up, perhaps because their children are in jail, criminals and worse.

She hates to prove them right, as do I, but I am willing to try to face the ridicule, but since my mother is a leader at my church, I'm not sure she is able to handle this situation.

 

[favoredbyGod]

Another thing, thanks you guys, since I havent told anyone, u guys have really been helpful.

 

[favoredbyGod]

Well, It looks like I have exhausted all of my resources. I told my father and he hasn't spoken a word about the issue.
I took a stand and said that I was gonna keep the baby and stay in my apartment, but since the apartment is in my mother's name I would be legally kicked out and because she pays for it. The area I am in has no public transportation and since I am new to the area, I dont know anyone (my car was threatened to be taken away).

The few shelters and places in the area that I have been in contact with, I either exceed the age limit or there is a long waiting list.
I am not eligible to receive medicaid, since I have insurance, which will be cut off if I continue the pregnancy, but even if, I have Certificates of Deposits in my mother's and I's name, in which the amount makes me uneligible to receive medicaid, foodstamps, etc.

The money that I do have is provided to me via joint account with my mother which I have access to because i am grad school, so I dont have to worry about anything, but if I continue on with this I have no money either.

So that will leave me with no transportation, no money, no housing, no food or no insurance and then I will be homeless with a baby that will be taken away because we are homeless.

I have cried for days because I dont want to go through with this, but I feel like I have no choices, every end I have explored was a dead end. Ive prayed, cried, talked to counselors, hotlines and clergy. I guess they have heard it all before and I am just another sad story, no one is willing to help, but everyone offers solutions.


I don't know what else to do, my appointment is on Friday.

 

[kaykay9.0]

Well, It looks like I have exhausted all of my resources. I told my father and he hasn't spoken a word about the issue.
I took a stand and said that I was gonna keep the baby and stay in my apartment, but since the apartment is in my mother's name I would be legally kicked out and because she pays for it. The area I am in has no public transportation and since I am new to the area, I dont know anyone (my car was threatened to be taken away).

The few shelters and places in the area that I have been in contact with, I either exceed the age limit or there is a long waiting list.
I am not eligible to receive medicaid, since I have insurance, which will be cut off if I continue the pregnancy, but even if, I have Certificates of Deposits in my mother's and I's name, in which the amount makes me uneligible to receive medicaid, foodstamps, etc.

The money that I do have is provided to me via joint account with my mother which I have access to because i am grad school, so I dont have to worry about anything, but if I continue on with this I have no money either.

So that will leave me with no transportation, no money, no housing, no food or no insurance and then I will be homeless with a baby that will be taken away because we are homeless.

I have cried for days because I dont want to go through with this, but I feel like I have no choices, every end I have explored was a dead end. Ive prayed, cried, talked to counselors, hotlines and clergy. I guess they have heard it all before and I am just another sad story, no one is willing to help, but everyone offers solutions.


I don't know what else to do, my appointment is on Friday.

I don't know what else to tell you except to hang tough. Do you really believe your parents will let you be homeless etc. just because you elect to keep your baby? Maybe they will. You know them. I don't. I find it hard to believe they would do that to their child who it seems they do care about.

Get into touch with a hospital social worker. They know many local resources or could tell you how to reach other social workers who probably would. (I know. I used to be a hospital social worker years ago.)

What about your OWN pastor? What about the pastor in your hometown? I find it hard to believe they wouldn't be pro-active in helping you keep your baby! If you haven't, please call them. Couldn't your hometown pastor (your parents' pastor) talk to your parents about this?

Also, you haven't said much about your boyfriend's opinion/feelings. What does he have to say? He may be in med school, but he needs to support you and the baby, financially and otherwise...even if it means dropping out. What's the story here?

Even if you feel like you are out of options, I would continue to advise you to, as I said, "hang tough" about. You know, Sweet Melody & I have obviously given you this advice because of our convictions about life and abortion. I do understand how you feel like you are backed into a corner. I just think this is a situation you are going to have to take a stand and CONTINUE to stand in.

Maybe I'm just a stubborn person, but I can tell you there is no way I would let someone put me in the position of submitting to an abortion. To me, I would just have to take my chances about being evicted or whatever. You know the Lord has a way of making a way where there is NO way when we are trying to follow His ways. Please trust him to do it for you and your baby. Please hang tough and refuse to keep that appointment!At the end of the day only you can make this decision. Please don't let your child's life hang on (even legitimate) financial concerns. This may seem to be the only thing you can do now, but I believe if that's what you choose, you will regret it in the future. Please trust God to take care of you. Continuing to pray for you~
kk

 

[favoredbyGod]

My parents are the pastor's of the church where I go to back home which makes the situation crazy, that's why the whole pregnancy has to be such a "big secret", I was supposed to be the perfect little minister's daughters and now that they know I am not perfect, it is too much for them to deal with openly in front of the congregation.

I have explained to them what they already know, that this is a sin, I will be a murderer and I wont be able to forgive myself. Their reply, "Just pray and ask God for forgiveness."
My reply: "I don't want to willfully sin and take advantage of God's forgiveness just because I know it's there."

Their reply: "ASK FOR FORGIVENESS AND PRAY SO THAT YOU CAN MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE."

I've come to terms with what I will face from some people..I know people at church will stare, laugh, some will be glad I finally "messed up", ridicule me and even name call. I am willing to accept all that.

With no home in the small town where I go to school and cant return home pregnant, then I guess my only option is homelessness, which is not what I want for my baby.

My boyfriend is willing to do what he has to do (quitting school and getting a job), he is staying in a dorm and he is there on scholarship, so he doesn't have the money either, there are days when I have to send him care packages of noodles to eat. He is willing to get a job and is currently looking, as am I, but with the economy, getting a job is hard.
He is really upset about the issue and feels the same way that I do and he is very angry at my mother.

I do not want this....I have talked to others for help, my mom is a social worker and I know a few others and I am not eligible for all the things that I have sought into.

I know that this is wrong and I would not do this if I felt I had a choice, It's easy to give advice to someone when your in a warm bed, your family is well fed and the bills are paid.

If I had at least a job and my very own apartment, fine, if i had to struggle then all would be workable....this is something I already regret, I just need one door of escape to open up and I will take it as my exit.

This is truly the worse year of my life.....

 

[lovesdolphins]

My recomendation - and it may be a sin to lie; but I think it'd be a definite improvement upon the murder of your child.

Lie - don't tell your parents that you did not go thru with the abortion - you say you are in a different town, right? Just don't tell them... you won't see them very often, and if/when you do just try to hide your bulging belly. Then, after it's too late for an abortion anyway you can tell them; or if possible, wait until the baby is born. If you have to, tell them that you went thru with it, but apparently it didn't work.

I definitely don't condone sinning (the lie) but I would rather do that than live with the regret of not taking care of my child. You can go to crisis pregnancy centers and get prenatal care to make sure the baby is growing well; so you don't have to deal with insurance and an OB/GYN (and your parents finding out).
You can also go to an ER for 'bleeding' and a stomach bug - and they can do an U/S.

You seem to be a very smart person, and can continue on with school as long as possible; and definitely finish out this semester.

Also - if you want to PM me your general area (like state, or large city you are near) - I would love to get you in contact with a minister connected with the church that I attend. My husband is a minister; and we would love to do whatever necessary to help.

 

[sweetMelody]

My recomendation - and it may be a sin to lie; but I think it'd be a definite improvement upon the murder of your child.

Lie - don't tell your parents that you did not go thru with the abortion - you say you are in a different town, right? Just don't tell them... you won't see them very often, and if/when you do just try to hide your bulging belly. Then, after it's too late for an abortion anyway you can tell them; or if possible, wait until the baby is born. If you have to, tell them that you went thru with it, but apparently it didn't work.

I definitely don't condone sinning (the lie) but I would rather do that than live with the regret of not taking care of my child. You can go to crisis pregnancy centers and get prenatal care to make sure the baby is growing well; so you don't have to deal with insurance and an OB/GYN (and your parents finding out).
You can also go to an ER for 'bleeding' and a stomach bug - and they can do an U/S.

You seem to be a very smart person, and can continue on with school as long as possible; and definitely finish out this semester.

Also - if you want to PM me your general area (like state, or large city you are near) - I would love to get you in contact with a minister connected with the church that I attend. My husband is a minister; and we would love to do whatever necessary to help.

That is ingenious!

there you go favoredbyGod... that is your solution. another way would be to not see anyone until the baby is born, and then give that baby up for adoption.