For those of you who are okay with being single....

[fieldmouse3]

What do you tell your single friends who AREN'T okay with it? It's hard for me to identify when someone comes to me complaining about how much they hate being without a boyfriend/girlfriend. I want to be sympathetic and understanding, but I'm never sure exactly how to do that!!! Does anyone have any words of wisdom for me???

 

[LightHearted]

I just tell them to enjoy their freedom!

 

[In His Name]

I advise them that if they get busy for God, He will not leave them single without a change of heart.

 

[Lbiagm]

i want a gf

 

[oncewaslost]

i had a friend last year (she graduated from high school and went to college) and she had just broken up with her boyfriend. she was whining and complaining and i was doing my best to be sympathetic... she then asked "how can you deal with being single every day?" i laughed because i thought it was funny. i told her that i've survived this long (17 years) without a boyfriend i don't need a guy to define who i am. it'd be nice to have a boyfriend for school dances and such but i'm in no rush to get one.

 

[Lbiagm]

well i have survived almost 20 without a gf and im just fine till now cuz all my friends have one.

 

[lil_angel]

I have some friends that are not at all comfortable with life if they are not with a partner, and i find this very sad. If you aren't happy with yourself single, than how are you going to be happy in a relationship. My friend constantly jumps from one relationship to another and it's not healthy. She doesn't have enough time to get over her last before she plunges in with the next.

You need to enjoy your single years, go out, meet people, have fun, grow into the person that God wants you to be... when you are ready God will send you the perfect someone... so don't stress.

Personally i love being single, specially at the moment... i'm so free, i don't have to tell someone what i'm doing the whole time, and because i broke up with my non-christian boy, i was able to find God without him holing me back. So i'm prepared to be single for as long as God wants me to be!!!

Oh and btw, i'm reading a great book on relationships at the moment, it's called "boy meets girl" by Joshua Harris. I'm only just into it but its really made me think.

 

[Athlon4all]

Because I believe that Biblically, Dating is wrong, I show them the scriptures about it (I Corinthians 7:25-40). Paul tells those who are single not to desire to marry until the LORD's time, and he tells those who are married not to seek to be loosed. The key verse with that bit of context is v35 "And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction." You see, God wants us to be serving Him wholly, not spending some of that time in a romantic relationshp that's not going towards marriage.

Also not to mention, having sexual intereaction of any kind in dating is wrong. I do realize that many guys and girls hug each other out of friendship, and thats alright, but I believe that the Bible makes it clear that He intended for our sex drives to be fulfilled with one girl/guy (your to be wife/husband), and any kind of such interaction not in marriage (or without any intent towards marriage) is wrong.

I'm not saying that its wrong to have friends that are girls (I've got several of them that I fellowship with), but if you are going to be friend's with a girl, it must be just friends (and really just friends, nothing more).

Oh and btw, i'm reading a great book on relationships at the moment, it's called "boy meets girl" by Joshua Harris. I'm only just into it but its really made me think.

Read the first one "I kissed dating goodbye"?

 

[ZiSunka]

Originally posted by fieldmouse3
What do you tell your single friends who AREN'T okay with it? It's hard for me to identify when someone comes to me complaining about how much they hate being without a boyfriend/girlfriend. I want to be sympathetic and understanding, but I'm never sure exactly how to do that!!! Does anyone have any words of wisdom for me???

That desparation is probably the best single factor in their loneliness.

They feel that they aren't full people unless they have a date, therefore, they get over anxious when they have a date, and instead of relaxing and being themselves, they try to make the other person fall for them right away and that scares the person off and the whole cycle starts again, lonliness, desparation, nervousness, rejection, and so on.

They need to be a whole person in themselves before they can successfully pair up.

In relationships, two halves make a half, and only two wholes can make a whole. It's multiplication, not addition. 1/2 x 1/2 = 1/4, not enough of person to make a relationship strong and healthy. But 1 x 1= 1, one whole man x one whole woman = one whole marriage.

 

[the_man]

Originally posted by lambslove
That desparation is probably the best single factor in their loneliness.

They feel that they aren't full people unless they have a date, therefore, they get over anxious when they have a date, and instead of relaxing and being themselves, they try to make the other person fall for them right away and that scares the person off and the whole cycle starts again, lonliness, desparation, nervousness, rejection, and so on.

They need to be a whole person in themselves before they can successfully pair up.

In relationships, two halves make a half, and only two wholes can make a whole. It's multiplication, not addition. 1/2 x 1/2 = 1/4, not enough of person to make a relationship strong and healthy. But 1 x 1= 1, one whole man x one whole woman = one whole marriage.

Well said lambslove.

 

[oncewaslost]

i agree.

 

[lil_angel]

Originally posted by Athlon4all
Read the first one "I kissed dating goodbye"?

No i haven't yet. I went to the christian bookshop and saw this one on relationships and didn't realise it was the second one. Although it's good coz you really don't need to have read the 1st one, it's mentioned but he explains things that you need to know. I got it yesterday and i'm 1/2 way through. it's great.

 

[Lbiagm]

sometimes it is ok but others it bugs me.

 

[Malachi383]

They need a bf/gf?

What exactly does this mean? That they cant survive without one? That their life means nothing or is meaningless or purposeless without one?

My biggest thing with this is that it defines themselves by another and also shows that they need and crave dependancy.

I am single, and quite happy about it. It is giving me a chance to really deepen in my faith, and also to grow in my faith. It is also giving me a chance to truly discover any scars or wounds that I have, and seek and pursue healing. I place my dependance on God. When we crave dependance on another human being as a bf/gf, we need to re-examine ourselves. Our depandancy should be on God, even if in a bf/gf relationship. We need to place God first in our lives, and also trust Him and His providence. God knows best. I am really glad that He has decided it is best for me not to be dating. I have grown so much these past 2 and a half years.

My brother was going out with a girl. They are both Christians. They were getting more and more serious in that they were growing closer and closer. They then got to a point about 18 months ago where they decided that they needed to grow more personally before growing deeper in their relationship. So they ended the official bf/gf, physicality, etc, and remained just close friends. They have grown so much on their own, and together. I think that this is absolutly amazing that they had the faith to know that this is what needed to happen, and the strength to do it. IT has been extremely hard on both of them. I think they are presently starting to venture back into dating, but it isnt like conventional dating. They have a great relationship. And it is because they made sure that they each individually were good with God.

Hope that helps

God bless

 

[AnnMercy2]

That's some good stuff there, Malachi, good sound advice. Most people I believe wouldn't have the wisdom and strength to do what your brother and friend have done. Congrats to them both

I myself, sorta do and sorta don't enjoy being single. The times that I do enjoy being single is when I see people basically going "crazy" in a relationship or "stressing out" because they aren't in a relationship. Makes me glad that I'm not in either catagory.

But then there are the times that I would give anything to be in a relationship. Just to have someone love me and care about me. And I sometimes really want to be able to give my love to someone else. To care for, cherish, and love. Those are what I like to call my "lonely times"

But for the most part, I am happy with being single. I know that God has a special someone out there for me. I know that it is all in God's timing. I sure don't want it in my timing, I'd be really messed up then. Because it was only recently that I fully realized that deep down I'm truly ready for that someone special that God has for me. Anytime before this, I thought I was ready, but God showed me how much I wasn't ready for a relationship. Makes me breathe a huge sigh of relief to know that God knew actually what he was doing and did not listen to a word I had to say on the matter

To answer the orginal question for the thread..... When someone starts complaing about being single, I tend to remind them to take a good look around them and see some of the messes that people have gotten themselves into by rushing into a relationship. I remind them that God has his own timing for things to happen in our lives, and it would be to their benifit if they let God do his work in his own time. I tell them that when we let God do things in his own timing, you can't imagine how wonderous things turn out. It's beyond anything our imagination can think of. And you will truly know that it is God himself, from the amount of peace and understanding that will dawn on you when you realize how great God really is.

In Christ,
Anna

 

[seangoh]

Good point there lambslave....we must all be prepared and worthy to meet our mate whomever it might be.
I'm 23 and never had a gf...not that i'm ugly or what, so it's no big deal if u're just 17 and never had a bf.

 

[Watchful Dove]

I agree, well said lambslove.

You must first be whole/content with yourself. The emptiness inside each of us can only be filled by Jesus Christ. He is the only one who can bring healing and wholeness to our lives.

 

[vibrant]

"the grass is always greener on the other side" ie. when you're single you long for romantic companionship (we do have our friends, lol), but once have it we'll be longing for the freedom of singlehood.

"be content with what you have".. "do what you can with what you have where you are"

 

[JoieDeVivre]

I tell people who complain about being single to see this period in their lives as a blessing. It is a time for falling in-love with the Savior, a time of refining and conforming to the image of His son. I tell them also that if they are overflowing with love that they feel the need to share it with another, to share it instead with orphans, the poor, the homeless. Love doesn't always have to be given to a single person alone when so many people are yearning for it.

 

[Lbiagm]

I will deal with it .