I was in a 4 year relationship until December and recently met an awesome guy. I want to get to know him more, but keep it "casual" (meaning really really really slow)...but i definately like him...my ex is a psycho and i don't want him scared off by it. Am I obligated to tell this new guy that my ex (who i have a child with so i can't get away) is always calling, prying in my life and being an all around nuisance? He noticed that I rarely answer my phone when he is around, and he knows it was a hard break up (he has a kid w/ someone too, so he sort of understands)...but my ex is the type to show up at my door when he is over with his kid and barge in...should i warn him? Will it scare him off? Or is it my own personal business? What would you do if you were in his shoes?
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First time dating
- Thread starter secretdawn
- Start date
DaveKerwin
Represent the Most High
What will you be doing with this new boyfriend that you don't want to be seen doing by your ex?
I would be upfront with the new guy about the situation, you can't hide something like that.
I would be upfront with the new guy about the situation, you can't hide something like that.
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*Miau*
♥ Inspired to Serve †
I agree with Dave - You really ought to tell this new guy about your past. Maybe the new guy can help you come to terms with whatever happened, and he might be able to help you with handling him.
I'm sorry to hear that your ex was a psyco, I hope God's found a good man for you now.
I'm sorry to hear that your ex was a psyco, I hope God's found a good man for you now.
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Be straight up with him about it. He's likely to understand since he has a child of his own from a previous unity. If it scares him off then I don't think he really wanted to be there anyway.
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i could be across the room from the new guy and my ex see him in the room and he would fly off the handle...he is crazy...when i said i was seeing someone he lost it completely...DaveKerwin said:
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Be honest with him. If he's the kind of guy you want sticking around, he'll have compassion for you about the situation.
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DaveKerwin
Represent the Most High
Just checking to see if you were referring to sexual activity, thanks for the clarification.secretdawn said:
What stops you from getting a restraining order against him? I assume the child. But perhaps you can set up designated visits with the court or something?
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The problem there is he isn't PHYSICALLY violent...but he loses his temper and calls me names, but i don't feel any threat to my life...the chance that they may cross paths is slim at this point, but in the future it could happen, if we continue to see each other...
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I agree... be honest and open. If you really want to have a good relationship, you should be honest and open in the foundation of your relationship. Don't start your relationship with hiding things that would affect your two relationship in the future.
Also you need to know how he'll react... if he can't stand it now, it will be even worse if he has to find out on his own.
Also you need to know how he'll react... if he can't stand it now, it will be even worse if he has to find out on his own.
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jenptcfan
My cup runneth over
I agree. Be as honest as possible with your new guy without 'bashing' your ex or going into too many details--if the topic comes up or you feel like there might be an instance in the near future when he might need to know about the situation. Maybe something like "My child's father has a temper, and that's why I'm not answering the phone. I don't want you to think I'm just rude to people who call." Just enough to give him a hint about what you're dealing with, but not to the point where you bombard him with details (unless he asks for more details later).
Best of luck to you. I hope that you're able to have a relationship with a great guy who is gentle and kind.
J
Best of luck to you. I hope that you're able to have a relationship with a great guy who is gentle and kind.
J
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yeah i told him just a little bit ago, following the advice and he is still talkin to me...so good sign
i wouldn't blame him not wanting to get caught up in the drama though
i wouldn't blame him not wanting to get caught up in the drama though
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SirKenin
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I wouldn't tell him right off the bat. Maybe that's just me. I would wait a little bit and see how the relationship goes first. If it looks like something is going to work out between you two, then look for the best time to break it to him and tell him. Don't hide it indefinitely, but don't come out with it right away.
You have to use discretion when facing issues like this.
You have to use discretion when facing issues like this.
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Glad it worked out.
LadyBird
Dance Me to the End of Love
Be honest with the guy. Let him know about the situation. He probably wont be scared off by it. It's not your fault your ex is a psycho either, and he will realize that. And if you do decide not to tell the guy, he WILL find out eventually, it will only be a matter of time. I think that he will appreciate your honesty but if you keep the facts from him and he finds out, he probably will find it hard to trust you. Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy.
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