First new topic? - Goals, dreams & life?

[KeilCoppes]

Ok, now that we're here, what's the scoop? How about a simple question:

What is different this part of your life? Are your goals and dreams any different from when you were younger?​

For me, my goals and dreams are similar, but they've been shaped by what I've gone through.
-I rely on the Lord more, but He's the same Lord that has always cared for me. It's been a blessing seeing Him work to shape me by trials and life. Rather than hoping He'll care for me, now I know He cares for me.
- I still want to be married in the Lord's timing, but I'm more balanced being single than I was - mostly because God has educated me at the end of a 2x4!

All praise to Him!

 

[caitlincares]

I am content with my single life.
Yes, it would be nice to be married.
But I do not worry about it or obsess over it.
It is all in God's hands.

 

[Victorian Rose]

I have changed radically since I have found God. I have gone from hating men to loving them....from not wanting kids to wanting them...from hopeless to full of hope...from angry to peaceful....from hating to loving...from stressed to mellow...from goal-less to having dreams and goals.

I now want to be married and have kids. I want to continue my walk with the Lord and draw closer to him. I want to continue my education. I would love to go to bible college. When I was younger, I had no plans or dreams. I was dead inside.

 

[krstlros]

Funny.....when I saw the title "Mature Singles", I kiind of took a step back and realized that being over 35 and single isn't exactly the norm for our Christian society, and what an oddity I am even in my church. Being female never married with no children is very unusual.

But things have definately changed from my younger under 30 days. Having a husband would be nice, and not necessary. Having children of my own would be absolutely wonderful, and it would be okay if I didn't. I guess it depends on looking at the blessings in my life and not what's not in it. Several years ago, I put all of that into God's hands and it has made me a more content person. Stressing about it wouldn't make it any better, or any different. When I put it in God's hands, it made me a more calm person and able to focus on other things rather than myself.

 

[caitlincares]

Funny.....when I saw the title "Mature Singles", I kiind of took a step back and realized that being over 35 and single isn't exactly the norm for our Christian society, and what an oddity I am even in my church. Being female never married with no children is very unusual.

But things have definately changed from my younger under 30 days. Having a husband would be nice, and not necessary. Having children of my own would be absolutely wonderful, and it would be okay if I didn't. I guess it depends on looking at the blessings in my life and not what's not in it. Several years ago, I put all of that into God's hands and it has made me a more content person. Stressing about it wouldn't make it any better, or any different. When I put it in God's hands, it made me a more calm person and able to focus on other things rather than myself.

Totally agree.

 

[KeilCoppes]

Having a husband would be nice, and not necessary.

A friend had a very good outlook on it: The question in looking for a husband or wife is - Will it glorify God more? Will you be stronger together than separately? How will you be able to serve better?

(and amen on putting it in God's hands. that makes all the difference)

 

[Learnin'2-4Give]

I have changed so very much in just the past year alone. Since I have let God back into my life in November things have just changed so much for me. I am "coming into my own" so to speak.

I have never been married or had any children. Now I find I desire that very much. I was just walking around in an empty shell before. Since God is back in my heart, I have a need for even more. I want to share my life with another human being. I would love to be blessed with a husband.

I have recently broken up with what I thought was the love of my life. Currently, I am struggling. I'm caught in a trap between being patient (and, I'm sorry, but, I have been patient for 44 years!!!) and allowing God to work in His time. I know I have to get my life right with God before these things will or even should happen. It just gets so hard some times.

Anyway, I am so happy to have this new area to discuss these things!

 

[KeilCoppes]

I am struggling. I'm caught in a trap between being patient (and, I'm sorry, but, I have been patient for 44 years!!!) and allowing God to work in His time. I know I have to get my life right with God before these things will or even should happen. It just gets so hard some times.

Just a thought: For me the major freeing change came when I realized that it was not about my being patient and struggling to hold out, it was about my accepting all the possibilities of God's decree and living. When I accepted and came to grips and peace that He may have decreed I be single forever, it freed me to have peace in waiting and gently searching. And yet, it left me the hope of possible futures and confidence that whatever God brings is in His love for me and for my good. Yes, "no good thing will He withhold", but the definition of what is good for me lies with Him. He will bless me with the good things that He knows I need. And He knows better than I! :^)

Yes, I slide a bit from time to time and struggle, but when my trust is on Him and His love, the road clears before me. Remember, as you well know, you're not alone!

 

[caitlincares]

When I accepted and came to grips and peace that He may have decreed I be single forever, it freed me to have peace in waiting and gently searching. And yet, it left me the hope of possible futures and confidence that whatever God brings is in His love for me and for my good.

I so totally understand and agree.
So freeing to accept the possibility that it is meant for me to be single forever.

 

[Learnin'2-4Give]

There is some irony here for me. From age 22 to 37, I really didn't care if I got married. I was content with that. I thought that was God's plan for my life. I had decided that God would place that special person in my life if it was meant to be.

But, in the last 2 to 3 years, I have been so restless with this issue. I just have this intense longing that I've never had before. I have had 2 near misses with men since November. I really feel God is preparing me to meet my husband.

I will try to relax with this though. (it's gonna be hard though.....lol!)

--Julie

 

[hockeysistah12]

I had some near misses also. I thought after 12 years of widowhood, I would have found someone. But with the internet, people can decive you and this man did because while we were dating and said "I love You's" he did lied to me and I was broken hearted. This made me had mistrust against men, even those who walk with the Lord. And yes, I did not want to have anything to do with a man. By this betrayal, I thought I was not "good enough" for any man because of where I live and my racial backround.

But in spite of those "near misses," the Lord is preparing me for that man who will respect me and not leave me in spite of problems we have along the way. I will not date cowards any longer nor people who is not under and not accountable to a pastor.

 

[Princess Pea]

I have recently broken up with what I thought was the love of my life. Currently, I am struggling. I'm caught in a trap between being patient (and, I'm sorry, but, I have been patient for 44 years!!!) and allowing God to work in His time.

Just a thought: For me the major freeing change came when I realized that it was not about my being patient and struggling to hold out, it was about my accepting all the possibilities of God's decree and living. When I accepted and came to grips and peace that He may have decreed I be single forever, it freed me to have peace in waiting and gently searching. And yet, it left me the hope of possible futures and confidence that whatever God brings is in His love for me and for my good. Yes, "no good thing will He withhold", but the definition of what is good for me lies with Him. He will bless me with the good things that He knows I need. And He knows better than I! :^)

Amen to what you have both said! Julie, I know exactly what it's like to date a guy you think might be "the one" and then find out he's not. It's rough, I know.

And a double Amen to you, Keil! From this side of the breakup and with a little more distance from it, I can see, in a way I couldn't before, that God deeply cares for me and desires nothing but good things for me. Really, would I have wanted to stay in a relationship that wasn't God's best? And if the good thing He has for me is even better than the guy I was dating, it must be truly amazing.

No guarantees, of couse, that this "good thing" is going to be a spouse. I deeply hope it is! But if I never marry, that doesn't mean that God has withheld something good from me. It means that God's best for me is even better than the best of marriages would be. Wow!

Seeking God's will instead of a husband frees me from anxiety about my marital status. What if He came to me in a clear vision tonight and said "My child, you must make a decision tonight. I'm leaving it up to you. Do you want (A) my best for you, which requires remaining single for the rest of your life, or do you want (B) a husband instead?" If the choice were that obvious I'd be crazy to choose the husband, but it would still be so devastating to give up that dream. I'm so thankful He doesn't operate this way! He only gives me one day at a time, and tells me to seek His will day by day and trust Him with the future. How liberating!

 

[KeilCoppes]

No guarantees, of couse, that this "good thing" is going to be a spouse. I deeply hope it is! But if I never marry, that doesn't mean that God has withheld something good from me. It means that God's best for me is even better than the best of marriages would be. Wow!

.... I'm so thankful He doesn't operate this way! He only gives me one day at a time, and tells me to seek His will day by day and trust Him with the future. How liberating!

Isn't it! I had to learn that from Him at the receiving end of a 2x4, but what a great blessing!

 

[krstlros]

I'm just praying that when God's will allows a person to come into my life that is for me, that God wacks me on the side of the head and tells me, "Hey, that's the one". Sometimes I can be so dense.

 

[PurpleMD]

I so totally understand and agree.
So freeing to accept the possibility that it is meant for me to be single forever.

My issue is more with spending the rest of my life with no human companion to enjoy life with...spending the rest of my life never being carassed, kissed or loved affectionately by a human with skin on...never experiencing the blessings of having/teaching/raising children...spending the rest of my life with my dog and two friends...if they get married they'll obviously have less time for single me...I've enjoyed being single and celibate but I feel like I've passed the celibacy test and I'm ready for the next stage.

I'll stop grumbling now...

PurpleMD

 

[wvmtnkid]

Wow, I can so identify with so many of the things that are said in here!

I guess I am a little more accepting of my single status now that at earlier stages. At least some days. I know now that I want who God has for me, not necessarily who I want for me and that was a major life lesson for me to learn. While I can appreciate the wisdom of Keil, I can surely empathize with PurpleMD's post because I upon occasion have the some thoughts.

I know that if God wants me to be single the rest of my life, I can live that way. It won't kill me. But, I am not so sure that I am really ready to be content wholeheartiedly being single. I mean, there is still the desire there for a husband and children. I suppose the best thing for me to do is to wait on the Lord. Only He can fulfill this desire, in His way and in His time.

 

[hischildsindik]

Goals, Dreams, Life?

Most definately have my goals in life changed. I used to want to merely survive life, now I want to grow and thrive. I don't have any super specific goals other than desiring to contribute to the lives of those around me and live my own to the fullest.

Dreams.... my dreams are pretty much the same. However, now with a few more years of being seasoned by the hand of God and time, I have much more realistic dreams. I still deeply dream and desire to marry and have children, but the details are less specific and more realistic. Although being content where I am at, in singleness, is hard to swallow some days with the desire that I have rooted so deep and so strong. I know for me to be single the rest of my life, would require qute the heart change from God.

Life... I live more in the today and in the eternal than I used to. I used to focus so much on the dreams that anything else happening to the contrary was absolutely upsetting to me. Now, I try to live one moment at a time, one day at a time with praise and prayer ... the ocassional... or or and ... just love these smilies. It's all a part of life, the good, the bad and the ugly.... it's just a matter of focus.

Now where'd I put my glasses... I need more

 

[KeilCoppes]

Life... I live more in the today and in the eternal than I used to. I used to focus so much on the dreams that anything else happening to the contrary was absolutely upsetting to me. Now, I try to live one moment at a time, one day at a time with praise and prayer ..

I think they call that Christian maturity vs being a child - Isn't it heart-warming to come and live in God's real world? Where was that when we were all younger?!

 

[hischildsindik]

Isn't it heart-warming to come and live in God's real world?

Today, in the sun on break it was not only heart-warming, but body warming. But some days, ummmm... no, sometimes the real world just sucks lemons. Although I do thank God for each day no matter if it's a lemon day or an awesome one!

Where was that when we were all younger?!

Now that's a good question! I think I was just plain blind and stupid.

 

[KeilCoppes]

Although I do thank God for each day no matter if it's a lemon day or an awesome one!

And thanks for that - it's a good reminder at the end of my day.