First longer term relationship

[bluegreysky]

Ok so I will have been with the boy 2 years in June.

Well, before that my longest was 6 months
and now that I'm with this guy, our relationship hasn't gone smooth like the ones they break down in the relationship guide books.
Our first year was rough, mainly due to his anxiety condition- it took him a long time to trust me but I also contributed because I was dumb with money and partied much.
I got my life in order, but he suffered long and hard with the condition and it put us through the ringer sometimes and we broke up for a month last year but patched it up
So we both got it under control and now I try to live a responsible life
and so does he..

When we started out, we went to church alot but then got burned out
so we started doing faith related stuff at home
Now I'm getting back into church and he's close behind me (trying to find the right church for both of us, our old one wasn't a good fit)
but I have never ever gotten this far with anyone.

I want to get married in a few years hopefully but if that's gonna happen we need to start nurturing this thing better I think.

So does anyone have any advice about having a healthy relationship at 2 years?
I mean, I know lots and lots about the first 3 months... but we're way past that whole initial first impression thing and the getting to know eachother thing (well at least on that "i like Italian food! no way mee too!" level) and the falling in love thing we did and its done...
now we're into the "settling down and making plans for our futures and the long haul" thing.

Ideas?

 

[mina]

learn how to communicate really well with him.....refine it as much as you can. communicate about everything- the big and the little things in life..... and enjoy it!

 

[Luther073082]

You should probably learn about eachother and what your plans for the future are and get engaged and then married.

Honestly I can't really give you that good of advice since my wife and I have been together for only 2 years and 6 months total.

The only advice I would give you is to stop reading relationship books.

 

[bluegreysky]

Luther your wife went to school right up the road from me.. I went to Flagler which is near Jax and still live around here lol

 

[Melethiel]

Just saw you're in St. Augustine - I love going there and walking around a couple times a year. I'm at UF.

 

[Servant of Jesus]

Am I allowed to contribute here? I've been married for over three decades and am still madly in love- and the best years are still to come, I figure.

So here are a few random thoughts about what I think contributed to the present happy state of affairs:

1. We got married right away. No living together, no you know what; tempting as it was, we stuck with what the Bible teaches.

2. Right from the start, we went to church together. Like you, we searched a bit- and soon found a church home we could both enjoy. We still usually hold hands in church- it is one of the supreme joys in life.

3. My wife is a peacemaker- she is strong enough to not be afraid of backing down. Firm but gentle. I'm more stupid in this respect- but over the years, I'll readily admit that her way is the right way.

4. We both enjoy doing things that will both please the other- and make the giver feel good too. Many little things- flowers, making coffee, etc.

5. Give your spouse time. We may each have our own interests- but we generally try and do things that we both enjoy, and that keep us together. I think spending as much time together is really worthwhile- she announces she's going shopping, and I'll go along for the ride just to be with her.

6. Whenever possible, go to bed at the same time- this also provides quality time.

7. Be conservative in your money management- hassles about money can cause a lot of strive. Love is more important than anything you can buy. Eating out at fancy restaurants is the easiest way to go through a lot of cash fast! Even worse, is ordering alcoholic beverages with your meals- or getting into a pattern of social drinking. There is nothing wrong with just plain water.

8. Keep yourselves physically attractive- stay healthy, eat right, watch the junk food and calories, exercise. I'm a strong believer in having an accurate scale in the bathroom- that way, you can see every day what's good for you, and what you did the day before that pushed up the pounds.

-----------------------

I'm sure there are many more things- if I think of other goodies, I'll add them.

 

[Luther073082]

Luther your wife went to school right up the road from me.. I went to Flagler which is near Jax and still live around here lol

Actually my wife and I spent many good pre-marriage dates in St. Augustine.

We also registered our marriage license in St. Augustine.

I'd love to show you a larger picture that says "St. John's County" on it but unfortunutly that picture also has my full name and my wife's full pre-marriage name, and I don't think it would be a good idea to post that on the internet.

So here is a little picture with our rings that doesn't show anything important.

 

[bluegreysky]

wow that's cool... St. Aug is nice, but its small so I get bored sometimes.
I think we will move to Atlanta in a few years. We want to get married October 2012
and he will be going to a new school then too so that sounds about right.

Saving money is one of our biggest goals. its sort of working.
I can't really make him go on errands... we're trying to work that out actually because
on some of my days off i want to go out and have fun maybe walk around downtown or something, but he likes to stay home and watch anime. we have to find a balance there bc i get bored doing that but he gets cranky doing my stuff.
lol

 

[Luther073082]

Saving money is one of our biggest goals. its sort of working.
I can't really make him go on errands... we're trying to work that out actually because
on some of my days off i want to go out and have fun maybe walk around downtown or something, but he likes to stay home and watch anime. we have to find a balance there bc i get bored doing that but he gets cranky doing my stuff.
lol

I think this might be a bit of a concern for you too that you may want to look into further. The two of you should have some common interests. You don't have to like all of the same exact things, but its important that you have some things that you both enjoy doing.

I would be a little concerned about that a bit. I'd also be a little concerned that there is nothing that he seems to enjoy doing out of the house. I'm not a person that always loves to be out of the house and doing stuff. Sometimes I'm very happy to stay at home. But there are things that I do like to get out of the house for and do, and I just couldn't be married to someone who never liked to leave the house.

Just some concerns.