first girlfriend

[sreno7]

My son is 16 and has his first girlfriend. This girl is a year older and has been sexuallly active, I am terrified. My husband left our home a week ago and has had no contact with us since so he is not an option to have a talk with our son, any ideas on what to talk to him about so he can avoid getting in trouble? I did not wait until marriage to have sex but I would hope my kids do.

 

[sunnyrightup]

I thought my daughter would wait until marriage. She constantly said she was going to, but she lost her virginity when she was 15 to the same guy she is dating now. Sometimes no amount of supervision is enough.

My daughter started birth control pills without my knowledge. I wish my daughter had discussed this with me first, but my daughter said she was afraid I would get upset.

I don't have any real advice since I don't have any sons, but maybe a good sex talk wouldn't hurt. Even though my daughter was telling me she was waiting until marriage, she later confessed she was the aggressor in the relationship.

 

[sreno7]

ouch, she was the aggressor? I am worried that will be the case in this relationship, if she is used to that being the sign of committment or love she will look for it with my son and I don't think there are many teen boys who will say no.

 

[Vilnius]

Check out "Who Moved the Goal Post" or "Every Young Man's Battle". Teens have no business being alone together, so make sure that does not happen.

 

[tp65]

In addition to the great books Vilnius mentioned, check to see if there are any male mentors in your church that can help. Our male youth leaders actually use the "Who moved the goalpost" to teach the teens. He may be reluctant to talk to his mom but a man he admires may be able to have a real "man-to-man" talk. Please don't wait until it's too late...call someone today! Prayers!

 

[Sarah2221]

Personally, I don't believe in not trusting teens who proved themselves trustworthy in the past. Teens who are forbidden to be together and given no trust by their parents eventually find a way to do something if they really want to do it. Parents can't supervise a 16 years old 24/7.

Have you and your teen ever talked about waiting for marriage? Is it something he is thinking about doing? Does he want to stay pure?

 

[laurenflanst]

My son is 16 and has his first girlfriend. This girl is a year older and has been sexuallly active, I am terrified.

My son is dating every parent's worst nightmare. He had a strong moral background, but his girlfriend broke all that down and he did not wait until marriage. He only waited five weeks. I actually bought the book, "Every Man's Battle," a few years ago. This girl convinced my son to throw the book into a bonfire. I kid you not...

I'm a single mom. It embarrassed the heck out of both of us, but I had a very frank no holds bar conversation with my son about the importance of condom usage. I told him that I would prefer he wait until marriage, but I can't be there on his dates. I can't watch him 100% of the time. It will have to be his choice and he will have to live with any consequences that arise from those choices including STDs, pregnancy and emotional or spiritual trauma.

From the very second I actually met his girlfriend I knew there was absolutely no hope of him waiting until marriage. I know if I hadn't had that conversation with my son then there is a very good chance I would be a grandma right now.

My son is 17 now and has been dating this girl for two years. They are engaged and planning to get married on November 1st when my son turns 18. I am not happy about it, but I am going to butt out. My son is fiercely protective of her. Anything I say negative tends to turn into a fight.

Lauren

P. S. - Even though I say it embarrassed the heck out of both of us... I am still very glad we had the conversation. Since my husband passed on, I have been raising my son best I know how.

 

[laurenflanst]

Teens who are forbidden to be together and given no trust by their parents eventually find a way to do something if they really want to do it. Parents can't supervise a 16 years old 24/7.

AMEN!

 

[sreno7]

a similar thing happened to another boy in the youth group. His parent's are at their wit's end. He was not allowed to date until 16 but started seeing this girl at 15, mom and dad had many conversations with the boy but he became sexually active.
My son and I have talked about this, before a girlfriend came into the picture and he intended to wait until marrige. OF course that is much easier to say when you are not dating.

 

[Vilnius]

Personally, I don't believe in not trusting teens who proved themselves trustworthy in the past. Teens who are forbidden to be together and given no trust by their parents eventually find a way to do something if they really want to do it. Parents can't supervise a 16 years old 24/7.

Have you and your teen ever talked about waiting for marriage? Is it something he is thinking about doing? Does he want to stay pure?

I was not suggesting that you forbid them to be together, but rather together alone.

 

[TexasSky]

I thought my daughter would wait until marriage. She constantly said she was going to, but she lost her virginity when she was 15 to the same guy she is dating now. Sometimes no amount of supervision is enough.

My daughter started birth control pills without my knowledge. I wish my daughter had discussed this with me first, but my daughter said she was afraid I would get upset.

I don't have any real advice since I don't have any sons, but maybe a good sex talk wouldn't hurt. Even though my daughter was telling me she was waiting until marriage, she later confessed she was the aggressor in the relationship.

I try to keep such conversations with my son "casual". When we are watching television or after a movie, if I see a chance to discuss "seduction" I talk to him about the fact that as he grows up there will be women who will try to seduce him; some because he is attractive, some because they think sex is love, some because they want to get away from their parents and think forcing a marriage via pregnancy will do that. If a television show, news article or movie mentions ex-wives, child support, etc., I use it as an opportunity to discuss how young men can be stuck paying $$$$$ for the rest of their lives because of one night.

We talk about how he will be pressured to have sex by girls and by guys. The dangers of STD's, and the joys of knowing that one girl loved him enough to make him her only one.

I stress, over and over, that while I believe God prefers sex be in a marriage, that I will love him, no matter what, and I tell him, "Promise me, if you ever decide to engage in premarital sex, you will not trust a girl who tells you she can't get pregnant because she is on the pill. If she forgets it, even once, you could be a father for 60 years. Also, remember, condoms break, and STD's are things "no one ever gets" until suddenly they have given it to you."

I also try to gently encourage him toward Christian girls and Christian men. The parents all talk together, we all know each other. So, the general "peer pressure" with his group, at least for now, is "wait."

His older sister and her boyfriends also make a pointed effort around him to talk about how terribly easy for people to ruin their lives with sex.

I can't swear this will protect him forever, but it is a start.

 

[Vilnius]

I try to keep such conversations with my son "casual". When we are watching television or after a movie, if I see a chance to discuss "seduction" I talk to him about the fact that as he grows up there will be women who will try to seduce him; some because he is attractive, some because they think sex is love, some because they want to get away from their parents and think forcing a marriage via pregnancy will do that. If a television show, news article or movie mentions ex-wives, child support, etc., I use it as an opportunity to discuss how young men can be stuck paying $$$$$ for the rest of their lives because of one night.

We talk about how he will be pressured to have sex by girls and by guys. The dangers of STD's, and the joys of knowing that one girl loved him enough to make him her only one.

I stress, over and over, that while I believe God prefers sex be in a marriage, that I will love him, no matter what, and I tell him, "Promise me, if you ever decide to engage in premarital sex, you will not trust a girl who tells you she can't get pregnant because she is on the pill. If she forgets it, even once, you could be a father for 60 years. Also, remember, condoms break, and STD's are things "no one ever gets" until suddenly they have given it to you."

I also try to gently encourage him toward Christian girls and Christian men. The parents all talk together, we all know each other. So, the general "peer pressure" with his group, at least for now, is "wait."

His older sister and her boyfriends also make a pointed effort around him to talk about how terribly easy for people to ruin their lives with sex.

I can't swear this will protect him forever, but it is a start.

I think you are doing a great job!