First Confession

[rturner76]

I've been a Confirmed Catholic for at least ten years now and I'm going to my first Confession in two days.

Does anyone have any advice?

I don't want to take up too much of the Priest's time. Do people normally get into things that they did before their conversion? I know the main thing I struggle with. Do people mostly get into what they continue to struggle with or do they get into everything they have done naming every sin that one can remember?

I know I shouldn't be nervous but I'm a bit intimidated by the process. Can one confess that they want Reconciliation for every sin remembered or not remembered or are we supposed to name each sin one by one? I remember most things that I have done but I don't remember every single one and the ones I do remember, I don't always know when it happened. For example, is it possible to receive absolution when you know that you have committed sins that you don't remember? It would be very difficult to remember every impure or lustful thought. Can one still be absolved in that situation?

I appreciate your feedback

 

[Michie]

I've been a Confirmed Catholic for at least ten years now and I'm going to my first Confession in two days.

Does anyone have any advice?

I don't want to take up too much of the Priest's time. Do people normally get into things that they did before their conversion? I know the main thing I struggle with. Do people mostly get into what they continue to struggle with or do they get into everything they have done naming every sin that one can remember?

I know I shouldn't be nervous but I'm a bit intimidated by the process. Can one confess that they want Reconciliation for every sin remembered or not remembered or are we supposed to name each sin one by one? I remember most things that I have done but I don't remember every single one and the ones I do remember, I don't always know when it happened. For example, is it possible to receive absolution when you know that you have committed sins that you don't remember? It would be very difficult to remember every impure or lustful thought. Can one still be absolved in that situation?

I appreciate your feedback

You do not have to go into detail unless the priest asks for clarification. The best thing to do is go by the 10 commandments. Have you broken any of them? You can say I have broken x commandment. You can bring up things you currently struggle to overcome if you desire. I understand your apprehension but if you use the commandments, you can get through it without going into every detail. Most priest prefer it that way unless they feel they need more detail. If you were baptized in another faith tradition and it was valid… before you became Catholic, you do confess but the 10 commandments cover everything. There is also a pamphlet you can pick up beforehand inside the Church that can guide you.

 

[rturner76]

You do not have to go into detail unless the priest asks for clarification. The best thing to do is go by the 10 commandments. Have you broken any of them? You can say I have broken x commandment. You can bring up things you currently struggle to overcome if you desire. I understand your apprehension but if you use the commandments, you can get through it without going into every detail. Most priest prefer it that way unless they feel they need more detail. If you were baptized in another faith tradition and it was valid… before you became Catholic, you do confess but the 10 commandments cover everything. There is also a pamphlet you can pick up beforehand inside the Church that can guide you.

Thank you for the information. The main thing I want to confess about is not in the 10 commandments. It has more to do with a particular form of gluttony. I don't struggle much with the Ten Commandments other than I have told lies to hide my behavior. It's not a mortal sin but a sin I struggle with repeating. I don't know if or how that should change my approach. The Church did accept my baptism (Lutheran). When I started RCIA, I asked if I should be rebaptized and they said no, even though I lost my baptism certificate and that church didn't keep records of baptisms. If I include everything from that time until now I wouldn't remember everything and it would likely take up the whole hour they offer for Reconciliation.

Thanks again for your feedback

 

[chevyontheriver]

I've been a Confirmed Catholic for at least ten years now and I'm going to my first Confession in two days.

Does anyone have any advice?

I don't want to take up too much of the Priest's time. Do people normally get into things that they did before their conversion? I know the main thing I struggle with. Do people mostly get into what they continue to struggle with or do they get into everything they have done naming every sin that one can remember?

I know I shouldn't be nervous but I'm a bit intimidated by the process. Can one confess that they want Reconciliation for every sin remembered or not remembered or are we supposed to name each sin one by one? I remember most things that I have done but I don't remember every single one and the ones I do remember, I don't always know when it happened. For example, is it possible to receive absolution when you know that you have committed sins that you don't remember? It would be very difficult to remember every impure or lustful thought. Can one still be absolved in that situation?

I appreciate your feedback

Fr. Z’s 20 tips for making a good Confession - The Catholic Thing

We should… 1) … examine our consciences regularly and thoroughly; 2) …. wait our turn in line patiently; 3) …....

www.thecatholicthing.org

We should…

1) … examine our consciences regularly and thoroughly;
2) …. wait our turn in line patiently;
3) …. come at the time confessions are scheduled, not a few minutes before they are to end;
4) …. speak distinctly but never so loudly that we might be overheard;
5) …. state our sins clearly and briefly without rambling;
6) …. confess all mortal sins in number and kind;
7) …. listen carefully to the advice the priest gives;
8) …. confess our own sins and not someone else’s;
9) …. carefully listen to and remember the penance and be sure to understand it;
10) … use a regular formula for confession so that it is familiar and comfortable;
11) … never be afraid to say something “embarrassing”… just say it;
12) … never worry that the priest thinks we are jerks…. he is usually impressed by our courage;
13) … never fear that the priest will not keep our confession secret… he is bound by the Seal;
14) … never confess “tendencies” or “struggles”… just sins;
15) … never leave the confessional before the priest has finished giving absolution;
16) … memorize an Act of Contrition;
17) … answer the priest’s questions briefly if he asks for a clarification;
18) … ask questions if we can’t understand what he means when he tells us something;
19) … keep in mind that sometimes priests can have bad days just like we do;
20) … remember that priests must go to confession too … they know what we are going through.

I would add that ...

A) ... not all priests make good confessors. But even a not so great priest validly absolves;
B) ... next time you can find a better priest if you need to;
C) ... if the priest is OK then stick with him over and over again;
D) ... you may want a spiritual director in addition to a priest and they are often not the same person;
E) ... it can be really hard to go and confess ... but it feels good when you are done.
F) ... I have heard from so many priests that brevity is best.

I once realized I was confessing other persons sins against me, so I had to reschedule when I was ready to confess MY sins.

It takes some courage to confess. But know that I and other people here will be praying for you. Godspeed.

 

[chevyontheriver]

Thank you for the information. The main thing I want to confess about is not in the 10 commandments. It has more to do with a particular form of gluttony. I don't struggle much with the Ten Commandments other than I have told lies to hide my behavior. It's not a mortal sin but a sin I struggle with repeating. I don't know if or how that should change my approach. The Church did accept my baptism (Lutheran). When I started RCIA, I asked if I should be rebaptized and they said no, even though I lost my baptism certificate and that church didn't keep records of baptisms. If I include everything from that time until now I wouldn't remember everything and it would likely take up the whole hour they offer for Reconciliation.

Thanks again for your feedback

Forgetting something is understandable, especially over ten years, but do the best you can and don't worry about the rest.

You can also look at the cardinal virtues and their corresponding vices for an examination of conscience. That is also fine. Or since you have one particular issue, make that the start.

Some more ideas in video form from Fr. Mike Schmitz: The Ultimate Guide to Confession from Fr. Mike Schmitz - Ascension Press Media

 

[Gnarwhal]

I've been a Confirmed Catholic for at least ten years now and I'm going to my first Confession in two days.

Does anyone have any advice?

I don't want to take up too much of the Priest's time. Do people normally get into things that they did before their conversion? I know the main thing I struggle with. Do people mostly get into what they continue to struggle with or do they get into everything they have done naming every sin that one can remember?

I know I shouldn't be nervous but I'm a bit intimidated by the process. Can one confess that they want Reconciliation for every sin remembered or not remembered or are we supposed to name each sin one by one? I remember most things that I have done but I don't remember every single one and the ones I do remember, I don't always know when it happened. For example, is it possible to receive absolution when you know that you have committed sins that you don't remember? It would be very difficult to remember every impure or lustful thought. Can one still be absolved in that situation?

I appreciate your feedback

Michie covered it pretty well. Don't worry about getting into he weeds with details unless the priest asks about it. The important things to remember are 1) you're there to confess your sins, not the sins of others, and 2) confession is not a therapy session. Stick to naming the sin, and how many times you did it. Some priests want specific numbers, others are ok with less specific quantities. I tend to lose track very quickly of how many times I commit my pet sin, so I often find I have to simply tell my priest "I did XYZ many times". My priests here are ok with that vague concept, but I had priests in Virginia and New York who wanted a number.

Is this your first confession ever or just your first in a really long time? Either way, God bless you and may the Holy Spirit guide you to a full and thorough confession.

 

[FaithT]

You do not have to go into detail unless the priest asks for clarification. The best thing to do is go by the 10 commandments. Have you broken any of them? You can say I have broken x commandment. You can bring up things you currently struggle to overcome if you desire. I understand your apprehension but if you use the commandments, you can get through it without going into every detail. Most priest prefer it that way unless they feel they need more detail. If you were baptized in another faith tradition and it was valid… before you became Catholic, you do confess but the 10 commandments cover everything. There is also a pamphlet you can pick up beforehand inside the Church that can guide you.

Do we need to go back to confession and confess sins we’d committed years ago, even when we were kids or teenagers, forgotten about then one day remembered?

 

[chevyontheriver]

Do we need to go back to confession and confess sins we’d committed years ago, even when we were kids or teenagers, forgotten about then one day remembered?

You are already forgiven. If they are mortal sins you should bring them up next time as forgotten then remembered sins.

 

[RileyG]

If you sincerely forget any sins, and are absolved, they are forgiven. Absolution covers ALL sins.

 

[RileyG]

Do we need to go back to confession and confess sins we’d committed years ago, even when we were kids or teenagers, forgotten about then one day remembered?

Depending on the circumstances, yes, if they were mortal.

Some like to do a "general confession" which covers ALL sins of one's life, even those previously absolved.

it's not recommended to those with scrupulosity

 

[rturner76]

14) … never confess “tendencies” or “struggles”… just sins;

That is interesting. I don't have many mortal sins (sins against the Ten Commandments) but there are some venial sins I struggle with chronically. Are venial sins inappropriate to confess or does the part of Mass when we ask for forgiveness enough if it's happening repeatedly?

Is this your first confession ever or just your first in a really long time? Either way,

This will be my first ever. If I remember correctly we say "Bless me Father for I have sinned, this is my first confession." Is that the right thing to say or do I just sit down and wait for him to ask me a question?

Depending on the circumstances, yes, if they were mortal.

Some like to do a "general confession" which covers ALL sins of one's life, even those previously absolved.

I as positive that there are sins that I have forgotten. How would I phrase a request to absolve all of the sins of my past? Certainly, I had many many more mortal sins before my conversion/confirmation but I was under a valid baptism during that time. Should I request absolution for those sins when I ask for absolution for ALL of my sins?

 

[Gnarwhal]

This will be my first ever. If I remember correctly we say "Bless me Father for I have sinned, this is my first confession." Is that the right thing to say or do I just sit down and wait for him to ask me a question?

You have the language correct there, usually we sit down and the priest begins by blessing us "In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit" and after that we begin with "Bless me Father for I have sinned..." in your case, like you said, you would say it's your first confession. In subsequent confessions you would note that "It's been X days/weeks/months/years since [your] last confession." and then proceed with listing your sins and how often you committed each one.

I did what you're doing about seven years ago since I was a baptized convert from evangelicalism, I had to confess everything from the time of my baptism in 2008 so about nine years worth of things. I could really only recall major things from the distant past and then obvious repeat struggles I deal with. When doing first confessions priests often like to meet with the penitent outside of normal confession time since it can take a bit longer and the priest usually wants to guide the penitent as well as possible through the experience and alleviate any anxiety there could be over the sacrament. I sat down at a table in the parish library with mine to do mine first and it was a good experience, there were a few things I had to stop and ask, "Do I need to confess XYZ?" and he would kindly tell me whether I did or not.

 

[Michie]

That is interesting. I don't have many mortal sins (sins against the Ten Commandments) but there are some venial sins I struggle with chronically. Are venial sins inappropriate to confess or does the part of Mass when we ask for forgiveness enough if it's happening repeatedly?

This will be my first ever. If I remember correctly we say "Bless me Father for I have sinned, this is my first confession." Is that the right thing to say or do I just sit down and wait for him to ask me a question?

Get the pamphlet. Yes you start out with (Bless me Father for I have sinned. It’s been (so long) since my last confession.

I as positive that there are sins that I have forgotten. How would I phrase a request to absolve all of the sins of my past? Certainly, I had many many more mortal sins before my conversion/confirmation but I was under a valid baptism during that time. Should I request absolution for those sins when I ask for absolution for ALL of my sins?

Ask the priest if it is necessary. If you sincerely confess, all your sins are forgiven. We do not go into confession expecting just a partial forgiveness of sins.

 

[Michie]

List of Mortal Sins Every Catholic Should Know

“Amen, amen, I say to you: If any man keep my word, he shall not see death forever.”

—John 8:51



The Distinction between two types of sin

All sin is an offense against God and a rejection of his perfect love and justice. Yet, Jesus makes a distinction between two types of sins. We call the most serious and grave sins, mortal sins. Mortal sins destroy the grace of God in the heart of the sinner. By their very grave nature, a mortal sin cuts our relationship off from God and turns man away from his creator. St. Paul’s letter to the Hebrews tell us that “if we sin willfully after having the knowledge of the truth, there is now left no sacrifice for sins” (Hebrews 10:26). The second type of sin, venial sin, that of less grave matter, does not cut us off from Christ. However, venial sin does weaken grace in the soul and damages our relationship with God. A person who frequently indulges in venial sin is very likely to collapse into mortal sin if they persist in their evil ways.

So what kind of Sins are Mortal?

Continued below.

List of Mortal Sins Every Catholic Should Know – St. Mary of the Seven Dolors

stmaryofthesevendolors.com

 

[Michie]

Receiving Christ in the Eucharist forgives venial sins. The Catechism of the Catholic Church explains, “As bodily nourishment restores lost strength, so the Eucharist strengthens our charity, which tends to be weakened in daily life; and this living charity wipes away venial sins” (CCC 1394).

The non-absolutory nature of the penitential rite does not mean that venial sins are not forgiven during this rite; they are also forgiven by receiving Communion and by the other intercessory prayers of Mass.

 

[Michie]

Forgiveness of Mortal Sin​

Question:​

Are mortal sins forgiven if you intend to confess them but the priest absolves you before you can state these sins? The priest thought I was done confessing and gave absolution.

Answer:​

Yes, any mortal sins that you meant to confess but did not confess through no fault of your own are forgiven. You do need to mention them the next time you go to confession though. For the future, I recommend stating all of your mortal sins first, and then state your venial sins. If the priest begins absolution before you are finished confessing, you can politely interrupt him by saying, “I am so sorry, Father, but I still have mortal sins I must confess.” For more information on confession techniques, I recommend reading a blog post I wrote, I Confess.

Forgiveness of Mortal Sin

Yes, any mortal sins that you meant to confess but did not confess through no fault of your own are forgiven. You do need to mention them the next time you go t...

www.catholic.com

 

[Michie]

What is an Examination of Conscience?​

An Examination of Conscience, a cornerstone of Catholic life, is a reflective exercise in which you assess your thoughts, words, and deeds in light of the Church’s moral teachings to prepare yourself well for the sacrament of confession. This introspective examination serves as a means of spiritual growth, reconciliation, and renewal. For a more thorough analysis, see our Catholic Answers Encyclopedia page on Examination of Conscience.
No matter a person’s age, an Examination of Conscience is relevant and beneficial in preparing for confession. For adults, it offers an opportunity to evaluate your commitment to our Lord Jesus Christ and his Church, fostering personal holiness in helping you gain a deeper love for the Lord, your loved ones, and your neighbor. Teens benefit by developing a conscience informed by timeless moral principles (Rom. 2:14–16), not the zeitgeist(spirit of the age), so that they can better navigate the challenges of adolescence and young adulthood. Even children can engage in simplified examinations, nurturing their understanding of right and wrong while cultivating virtues from an early age.

A Roman Catholic Examination of Conscience​

“If we undertake the examination of conscience with greater faithfulness, perhaps we will realize that what we sometimes consider a stumbling block is rather a rock we can step on. Knowledge of our sin helps us to rise.” -Saint Teresa of Calcutta

How to make a good confession?​

The first step is making a thorough examination of your conscience. By carefully considering the guidance provided by the Ten Commandments, the Beatitudes, and other relevant Scripture, you can identify areas where you may have fallen short of God’s will and acknowledge your sins with genuine contrition. A sincere examination of conscience not only prepares you for the sacrament of confession, but also helps you develop a deeper awareness of your spiritual state and a genuine desire for repentance. Through this practice, you can approach the sacrament with humility, sincerity, and a firm resolve to amend your life, thereby receiving the abundant graces and mercy God offers through the sacrament of reconciliation.

How do I do an Examination of Conscience?​

Wondering how to conduct an Examination of Conscience effectively? Look no further! We’ve assembled a straightforward, four-step guide to ensure your examination is fruitful and thorough.

The four essential steps to a successful Examination of Conscience:​

Step One – Pick an examination of conscience. When discerning which examination of conscience to utilize, it’s prudent to consider factors such as age, marital status, and your particular station in life. For instance, resources tailored to specific age groups—such as adults, teens, or children—can provide a person more relevant guidance and thus resonate more deeply in their hearts. Likewise, considerations on whether you’re married, single, clergy, or religious can help you better focus on the particular challenges—and needed virtues—in living out your vocation, including differing emphases on one’s moral obligations and spiritual disciplines. Thus, in selecting an examination of conscience, it’s wise to seek materials that offer guidance tailored to your unique circumstances and spiritual needs.
Need to find an examination of conscience that is tailored to you? The search ends here! Download and use any of our free pdfs below to prepare for your next confession:
Examination of Conscience for Adults

Continued below.

The Catholic Answers Guide to an Examination of Conscience

Discover how to make a good confession with Catholic Answers' Examination of Conscience, covering holy days, commandments, sacraments, and more.

www.catholic.com

 

[RileyG]

That is interesting. I don't have many mortal sins (sins against the Ten Commandments) but there are some venial sins I struggle with chronically. Are venial sins inappropriate to confess or does the part of Mass when we ask for forgiveness enough if it's happening repeatedly?

This will be my first ever. If I remember correctly we say "Bless me Father for I have sinned, this is my first confession." Is that the right thing to say or do I just sit down and wait for him to ask me a question?


I as positive that there are sins that I have forgotten. How would I phrase a request to absolve all of the sins of my past? Certainly, I had many many more mortal sins before my conversion/confirmation but I was under a valid baptism during that time. Should I request absolution for those sins when I ask for absolution for ALL of my sins?

Simply add, for these sins and for the sins of my life, I am truly sorry.

Then, let go and carry on.

 

[FaithT]

I think I need to go to confession again.

 

[rturner76]

@Michie

Thank you for all of the great information!