Finding a church?

[MASKA-45]

I am someone who is trying to build a relationship with christ and develop myself as a christian after a long period where I had walked away from my faith (last time I went to church I was 12 years old. I've been reading my bible and trying to connect through payer but I feel like I need more guidance and help understanding precisely what the Bible is trying to say and how I can apply it to my life. I think I need to find a church to accomplish this but I'm not sure how to find one, particularly because I have certain strong moral and ethical beliefs that I know aren't consistent with what some of the denominations out there teach. I was raised non-denominational Christian which seems like a logical place to start but I am worried about a lack of traditionalism I've heard about in non-denominational mega churches. I feel I should mention some things about my worldview so people know what kind of person I am and where I might fit in reasonably well. I am a right-wing conservative. I believe that sex before marriage and homosexuality are sinful and I am pro-life. One way I differ from many new age non-denominational christians I've talked to is that I believe that violence is a moral good in certain circumstances such defending myself, my family, my community, and anyone who is physically or emotionally incapable of defending themselves from evil ie the elderly/women. I believe that bad people should be helped to change if they seek to change but I also believe that people who do truly evil things should be stopped by any means necessary and punished severely (meaning I believe in the death penalty). I should also stress that I am a very sinful man and I will not pretend not to be as I abhor dishonesty and want understanding and help becoming better. To rule some things out I do know that I was never comfortable in Catholic congregations and have more of a protestant mindset in general. I understand the importance of charity and missionary work but I frankly don't feel equipped to help the world as a whole yet and I want to focus on doing everything I can to help my family, friends, and immediate community (my neighborhood and workplace) as even that is a very daunting task to me at this point in my life. Anyways I know almost everyone will just want me to try going to a church in their own denomination (or non-denomination) but I'm really just looking for advice that will help me find somewhere that I will fit in and help me get back on a path to a close relationship with Christ. Specific recommendations or general methods of how I should search for the right place are both appreciated.

 

[PloverWing]

Given the beliefs you've listed, and given that you're looking for alternatives to nondenominational churches and the Catholic church, you might try the conservative branches of some of the Protestant denominations: Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod, Presbyterian Church in America, Southern Baptist, etc.

You didn't mention your feelings on some of the issues that divided Christians in earlier centuries -- for example, liturgical vs non-liturgical worship, the nature and importance of the Sacraments, infant vs believer's baptism, and so on. Those are some issues that might affect your choice. Or, if you don't have opinions on these issues yet, then go explore some of the conservative denominational churches and see what you experience there.

 

[MASKA-45]

Given the beliefs you've listed, and given that you're looking for alternatives to nondenominational churches and the Catholic church, you might try the conservative branches of some of the Protestant denominations: Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod, Presbyterian Church in America, Southern Baptist, etc.

You didn't mention your feelings on some of the issues that divided Christians in earlier centuries -- for example, liturgical vs non-liturgical worship, the nature and importance of the Sacraments, infant vs believer's baptism, and so on. Those are some issues that might affect your choice. Or, if you don't have opinions on these issues yet, then go explore some of the conservative denominational churches and see what you experience there.

Thanks this seems like a good starting point. I don't really have opinions on those issues yet probably because I've been isolated from church and the christian community in general for so long and don't know my scripture nearly as well as I should.

 

[K Watt]

I am someone who is trying to build a relationship with christ and develop myself as a christian after a long period where I had walked away from my faith (last time I went to church I was 12 years old. I've been reading my bible and trying to connect through payer but I feel like I need more guidance and help understanding precisely what the Bible is trying to say and how I can apply it to my life. I think I need to find a church to accomplish this but I'm not sure how to find one, particularly because I have certain strong moral and ethical beliefs that I know aren't consistent with what some of the denominations out there teach. I was raised non-denominational Christian which seems like a logical place to start but I am worried about a lack of traditionalism I've heard about in non-denominational mega churches. I feel I should mention some things about my worldview so people know what kind of person I am and where I might fit in reasonably well. I am a right-wing conservative. I believe that sex before marriage and homosexuality are sinful and I am pro-life. One way I differ from many new age non-denominational christians I've talked to is that I believe that violence is a moral good in certain circumstances such defending myself, my family, my community, and anyone who is physically or emotionally incapable of defending themselves from evil ie the elderly/women. I believe that bad people should be helped to change if they seek to change but I also believe that people who do truly evil things should be stopped by any means necessary and punished severely (meaning I believe in the death penalty). I should also stress that I am a very sinful man and I will not pretend not to be as I abhor dishonesty and want understanding and help becoming better. To rule some things out I do know that I was never comfortable in Catholic congregations and have more of a protestant mindset in general. I understand the importance of charity and missionary work but I frankly don't feel equipped to help the world as a whole yet and I want to focus on doing everything I can to help my family, friends, and immediate community (my neighborhood and workplace) as even that is a very daunting task to me at this point in my life. Anyways I know almost everyone will just want me to try going to a church in their own denomination (or non-denomination) but I'm really just looking for advice that will help me find somewhere that I will fit in and help me get back on a path to a close relationship with Christ. Specific recommendations or general methods of how I should search for the right place are both appreciated.

I would follow Chesterton's advice.

Rather than seeking a Church that fits your beliefs, seek the Church that is true then believe what it teaches.

 

[Philip_B]

There are essentially 3 b's in being Christian. These are Believe, Belong and Behaive. Regarding finding a congregation, you need to find somewhere to say 'these are my people and this is my tribe'. Now for some lucky folk that comes the moment you walk in the door, and for some sometime down the track they suddenly realise that it is the case.

Our primary belonging of course is to Christ, however, we do not walk alone, so we do need to find our tribe amongst whom we can walk into the future, where we are fed and watered, challenged and strengthened, supported and encouraged.

One Church not mentioned above that may click with some of your premises might be ACNA, and whilst it may not work for me, it might be good for you. I certainly have talked to people from that tradition that express similar views to those you mentioned in the OP.

Anyway, good luck with the search.

 

[SloopidyBoop]

I dunno. I mean I wish we could go find out together. My story is a lot like your's, but I have just spent more time in church. Until COVID hit and my church shut down and I just... Didn't go back. Asked Jesus for help for a while and settled on a little Christian Reformed Church. Seems to be more my style than the Non Denominational mega church I left. And I love the people. So I guess maybe Ask Jesus and just go for it? See what happens. Hope it goes well, I hate the feeling of being without a church family. I don't want anybody to be alone.

 

[Always in His Presence]

I am someone who is trying to build a relationship with christ and develop myself as a christian after a long period where I had walked away from my faith (last time I went to church I was 12 years old. I've been reading my bible and trying to connect through payer but I feel like I need more guidance and help understanding precisely what the Bible is trying to say and how I can apply it to my life.

I think I need to find a church to accomplish this but I'm not sure how to find one, particularly because I have certain strong moral and ethical beliefs that I know aren't consistent with what some of the denominations out there teach.

I was raised non-denominational Christian which seems like a logical place to start but I am worried about a lack of traditionalism I've heard about in non-denominational mega churches.

I feel I should mention some things about my worldview so people know what kind of person I am and where I might fit in reasonably well. I am a right-wing conservative. I believe that sex before marriage and homosexuality are sinful and I am pro-life.

One way I differ from many new age non-denominational christians I've talked to is that I believe that violence is a moral good in certain circumstances such defending myself, my family, my community, and anyone who is physically or emotionally incapable of defending themselves from evil ie the elderly/women.

I believe that bad people should be helped to change if they seek to change but I also believe that people who do truly evil things should be stopped by any means necessary and punished severely (meaning I believe in the death penalty).

I should also stress that I am a very sinful man and I will not pretend not to be as I abhor dishonesty and want understanding and help becoming better. To rule some things out I do know that I was never comfortable in Catholic congregations and have more of a protestant mindset in general. I understand the importance of charity and missionary work but I frankly don't feel equipped to help the world as a whole yet and I want to focus on doing everything I can to help my family, friends, and immediate community (my neighborhood and workplace) as even that is a very daunting task to me at this point in my life.

Anyways I know almost everyone will just want me to try going to a church in their own denomination (or non-denomination) but I'm really just looking for advice that will help me find somewhere that I will fit in and help me get back on a path to a close relationship with Christ. Specific recommendations or general methods of how I should search for the right place are both appreciated.

Separated for ease of understanding.

Sounds like you would find a church home just about anywhere. Just start visiting. You will find one.

 

[FameBright]

Hi, I am in the same boat. One day I decided I needed to get back in to Church after being out for so long. I prayed on which church to go to and in that very same week I got a brochure for a Church right up the road. My wife and I went for a while, but in the long run it didn't seem to work out. We've been bouncing from Church to Church trying to find the right one. It could just be us and our standards because I'm still searching.

Apparently you have certain standards as well:
I am a right-wing conservative. I believe that sex before marriage and homosexuality are sinful and I am pro-life.

Even though I don't disagree that it is a sin, If a Church and the community preached strongly about this it would raise a lot of questions for me. For example, what is the weight of the sin of homosexuality? In the same book of Leviticus, It also says you can't eat meat with blood in it, you can't have tattoos, can't cut off the hair off the sides of your head, can't eat pork, etc. I would also question why it doesn't say anything about a woman laying with another woman or why isn't mentioned in the New Testament?

On the sex before marriage and concerning adultery, Abraham slept with his servant and he was certainly one of God's favorite. I'm still trying to figure that one out and the part where Lot slept with his daughters. Contradictions like these tend to stop me dead in my tracks and I stop reading the Bible. What I've come to realize though is the Bible doesn't always seem to mean what we think it means. I know these have probably already been debated somewhere on these forums and I haven't been around long enough.

 

[studentinprayer]

Remember churches are often 'spiritual hospitals' so your reservations shouldn't be much of an issue if anything it makes you safer. I personally found my church based on one my wife would attend with me. I wouldn't consider them the best, but despite reservations it's never become an issue. Humility is one of the hardest virtues to develop without community. So perhaps like me, simply seek to soften your edges.

 

[ralliann]

Hi, I am in the same boat. One day I decided I needed to get back in to Church after being out for so long. I prayed on which church to go to and in that very same week I got a brochure for a Church right up the road. My wife and I went for a while, but in the long run it didn't seem to work out. We've been bouncing from Church to Church trying to find the right one. It could just be us and our standards because I'm still searching.

Apparently you have certain standards as well:
I am a right-wing conservative. I believe that sex before marriage and homosexuality are sinful and I am pro-life.

Even though I don't disagree that it is a sin, If a Church and the community preached strongly about this it would raise a lot of questions for me. For example, what is the weight of the sin of homosexuality? In the same book of Leviticus, It also says you can't eat meat with blood in it, you can't have tattoos, can't cut off the hair off the sides of your head, can't eat pork, etc. I would also question why it doesn't say anything about a woman laying with another woman or why isn't mentioned in the New Testament?

New testament
Rom 1:26 For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:
27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.
28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;

On the sex before marriage and concerning adultery, Abraham slept with his servant and he was certainly one of God's favorite.

Are you speaking of Hagar? She was his wife. Polygamy was not against the scripture.

I'm still trying to figure that one out and the part where Lot slept with his daughters. Contradictions like these tend to stop me dead in my tracks and I stop reading the Bible.

This one here is difficult I agree.

What I've come to realize though is the Bible doesn't always seem to mean what we think it means. I know these have probably already been debated somewhere on these forums and I haven't been around long enough.

Well, we have a different idea maybe concerning what makes for adultery etc, than scripture.

 

[FameBright]

Are you speaking of Hagar? She was his wife. Polygamy was not against the scripture.

You're right! I guess I missed that part where she became his wife.

 

[FameBright]

Well, we have a different idea maybe concerning what makes for adultery etc, than scripture.

Your idea would probably be more accurate. Having sex out of lust would certainly be different than having sex for the sake of having a child.

 

[ralliann]

Your idea would probably be more accurate. Having sex out of lust would certainly be different than having sex for the sake of having a child.

Well, scripture certainly allows polygamy. And a betroathed wife, is of a different status than a concubine. Which it depended on a man's ability to provide for his household. The wealthy could afford a larger household so....This I think is the prohibition to a bishop/overseer to have only one wife. Since the church sustained him, they should not be burdened with more than he needed.
You had the law in which a man was to marry his brothers widow if he died without children. The firstborn was to considered his brothers son. There was no stipulation the brother who is to marry his sister in law be single. This situation occurred between Judah and Tamar. We see things from our own cultural lense sometimes.

 

[Faithfulandtrue]

I am someone who is trying to build a relationship with christ and develop myself as a christian after a long period where I had walked away from my faith (last time I went to church I was 12 years old. I've been reading my bible and trying to connect through payer but I feel like I need more guidance and help understanding precisely what the Bible is trying to say and how I can apply it to my life. I think I need to find a church to accomplish this but I'm not sure how to find one, particularly because I have certain strong moral and ethical beliefs that I know aren't consistent with what some of the denominations out there teach. I was raised non-denominational Christian which seems like a logical place to start but I am worried about a lack of traditionalism I've heard about in non-denominational mega churches. I feel I should mention some things about my worldview so people know what kind of person I am and where I might fit in reasonably well. I am a right-wing conservative. I believe that sex before marriage and homosexuality are sinful and I am pro-life. One way I differ from many new age non-denominational christians I've talked to is that I believe that violence is a moral good in certain circumstances such defending myself, my family, my community, and anyone who is physically or emotionally incapable of defending themselves from evil ie the elderly/women. I believe that bad people should be helped to change if they seek to change but I also believe that people who do truly evil things should be stopped by any means necessary and punished severely (meaning I believe in the death penalty). I should also stress that I am a very sinful man and I will not pretend not to be as I abhor dishonesty and want understanding and help becoming better. To rule some things out I do know that I was never comfortable in Catholic congregations and have more of a protestant mindset in general. I understand the importance of charity and missionary work but I frankly don't feel equipped to help the world as a whole yet and I want to focus on doing everything I can to help my family, friends, and immediate community (my neighborhood and workplace) as even that is a very daunting task to me at this point in my life. Anyways I know almost everyone will just want me to try going to a church in their own denomination (or non-denomination) but I'm really just looking for advice that will help me find somewhere that I will fit in and help me get back on a path to a close relationship with Christ. Specific recommendations or general methods of how I should search for the right place are both appreciated.

You just described me! I'm so happy I'm not alone! I will pray for you to find a home church and if you could also pray for me with that too. Keep going and don't give up. I pray you will find a faithful church in your town

 

[Zandy12]

I'm still trying to find a church/tribe I can belong to. I don't think that you're ever going to find the perfect one. Currently, I'm an active member of a catholic church here in Belle Glade, FL. I love the people. It's a small city and not many people go to this church, but I know almost everyone there. It's like a family and I love it. I don't plan on living in Belle Glade forever but I know now what to look for in a church (small community).

As far as the church, I go to it because I was raised catholic. I never found non-denominational mega-churches appealing, but I have respect for the people that go to them. It's just not a fit for my personality or circumstance. I'm also conservative, as well. However, given the direction the country and world is going, I think you should be more conscientious about adapting to the new norms while moving to where there are more like-minded people. Being politically active should help you cope as well.

Who knows? If Biden gets elected again, you might see me in a more strict denominational church. However, I always thought that catholicism was the strictest.

Anyways, wishing you the best of luck!

 

[Dave G.]

Given the beliefs you've listed, and given that you're looking for alternatives to nondenominational churches and the Catholic church, you might try the conservative branches of some of the Protestant denominations: Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod, Presbyterian Church in America, Southern Baptist, etc.

You didn't mention your feelings on some of the issues that divided Christians in earlier centuries -- for example, liturgical vs non-liturgical worship, the nature and importance of the Sacraments, infant vs believer's baptism, and so on. Those are some issues that might affect your choice. Or, if you don't have opinions on these issues yet, then go explore some of the conservative denominational churches and see what you experience there.

Your beliefs fall in line well with many Southern Baptist churches ( which aren't just in the south by the way), many of which have a bend towards evangelistic outlooks these days. They used to be more legalistic at one time ( some may still be). So look around, try some out. With your opinion on LGBTQ and so on you can forget Methodists and Episcopalian. Several other protestant churches as well. Many non denominations run their services on a Baptistesque platform so it may seem familiar in that way.. It's just finding a fit.

 

[Merrill]

I was raised Catholic, but I now attend an Evangelical Free Church (EFCA). Relatively conservative, but also includes some non-liturgical worship, modern music, etc. I am politically eclectic: traditionalist, but not entirely dogmatic about certain economic issues.

I fit in OK at the church. My wife loves it and is very involved with small groups, retreats, etc. I tried a small men's group, but was put off by some of the opinions the guys put forth that I found divisive, leftist, and politically toxic. Nevertheless, most men in the church are conservative

but as far as the EFCA goes, it might be a good place to check out.

 

[jiminpa]

Your beliefs line up with most non-denominational churches I've been to, so I'm not sure why you are ruling them out.

 

[Diamond72]

I am someone who is trying to build a relationship with christ

I believe the atonement is two fold. Jesus died to reconcil us with the father, but also each other. Find a fellowship of people that you like and can feel a part of. A pastor that is friendly and welcomes you with open arms.