Finding a Church

[Hope and Faith]

Hi, I am brand new here and I have a question. I would really like to belong to a church but I am struggling a bit. A few months ago I went to a church for 5 weeks but I got the feeling from people that they were wondering why I was there. I then tried a different church for a couple of weeks and got the same vibe. I am not sure what I am doing wrong. Does anyone have advice on finding a church and fitting in when you get there? This is something I am doing on my own as I have no family or friends who would go with me. I am feeling really discouraged as I would really like to "belong" somewhere with people who share my beliefs.

 

[Arcwood]

I love you.

but I hate church. I hope you find a good one in the end.

 

[Tigger45]

I don't think you're doing anything wrong. Some people like me have a harder time fitting in then others. It took me a long time to find a good church for me but it's worth it.

 

[1watchman]

Hello friend. One can only belong to the Church by being "born again" --I hope you have or will soon (as in John 3); though one might attend a Christian gathering to learn. One needs to be sure the fellowship they are with is functioning as Scriptural-only and in conformity to what God has given, rather than just man's religious ideas. Be sure of that, friend.

Local assemblies should only be an extension in a geographical place of the universal Church in the world (the "one body in Christ" --speaking of unity). You can PM me if you would like to talk about this truth some. Look up always, and pray for God to lead you.

 

[jsimms615]

Not sure where you are or what kind of churches or denominations your trying. Some churches have small groups that meet in people's homes and that may be a way to meet some people and get to know some people.

 

[Peripatetic]

Have you tried any larger churches? When I was looking for a church to call home, I went to several in the area and just blended in, remaining anonymous. That may not be as easy in a very small church, where some are more welcoming than others.

 

[timf]

Hope and Faith,

I can understand your difficulty. Most churches are associated with a particular denomination and you might be seen as an outsider until you make a demonstration of agreement with their particular doctrine.

Some of the problem with churches can be found here:

Christian Pioneer - What is the right church

Christianity was always supposed to be about relationship (ours with Jesus and each other). Modern churches are organizational systems that not only fail to support relationships between Christians, they often act to frustrate them by their very nature. Programs, events, activities, and even classes cannot fill the need one heart has to be touched by another.

You might want to consider calling a nursing home and asking if there are any elderly women that would be interested in having you come in and read the Bible to them. You might stumble across someone who could really help you learn and grow as a Christian.

 

[ALEA40]

I have to say that I prayed for years to find a church for my family. We finally found one when we moved to a new city where there are tons of churches. As I am incredibly shy, I've found the best way for me to feel like I fit in (in any organization) is to start volunteering. It's a great way to be busy, work side by side with others, and to ultimately make friends. By volunteering, it shows to others what you value and that you are willing to give of your time. Also, as others suggested, I joined some of the smaller lifegroups offered in our church. They don't always work out (it took a couple for me to actually click with people), but it does expand your network of friendly faces. Our pastor says for anyone to feel comfortable in a church, they have to know at least 7 other people. Maybe try to make this a goal for you before you make a final decision on a church?

 

[Hope and Faith]

Thank you all for your kind responses. I am finding the advice very helpful and has built up my courage to try another church next Sunday. If anyone can think of more suggestions that might help me it would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

 

[parsley]

I've found the best way for me to feel like I fit in (in any organization) is to start volunteering. It's a great way to be busy, work side by side with others, and to ultimately make friends.

I agree. It helps to get into any sort of group situation like a dinner or class, where people are in a more settled and personal mode.

Keep in mind that most people expect other people to be the ones initiating friendships. They want others to approach them, but don't always bother to make a move to welcome others. This is not a good thing, but it helps to see it's not about you personally, but about their lack of assertiveness.

Sometimes I have pushed myself to be the initiator when visiting -- to just reach out my hand to shake theirs, and it throws them off guard. But usually people appreciate when others break the ice.

What others mentioned above about a small church... maybe there were people in fact who wondered what motivated a visitor to show up in their small fellowship. But that would be more curiosity than territorialism, hopefully! All churches hold to the premise that the doors are open to visitors. (And if they don't, they are probably cult-like and it's better to avoid them.)

See if you can find a mid-week Bible study where you can meet a few individuals in a more comfortable setting.

 

[theophilus40]

A few months ago I went to a church for 5 weeks but I got the feeling from people that they were wondering why I was there. I then tried a different church for a couple of weeks and got the same vibe. I am not sure what I am doing wrong.

Do you have any evidence besides your feelings that people didn't think you belonged there? If not, you should consider the possibility that Satan is causing these feelings to keep you from joining a church. Anytime you are doing God's will you will encounter opposition from Satan and it is God's will that believers become part of a local congregation.

 

[Soul2Soul]

I too have felt uncomfortable attending some church services and felt like an outsider. I would encourage you to keep trying - God has a plan for you to be a part of a fellowship ..... don't know where you are but seek and you will find.

 

[Andrea411]

Hi, I am brand new here and I have a question. I would really like to belong to a church but I am struggling a bit. A few months ago I went to a church for 5 weeks but I got the feeling from people that they were wondering why I was there. I then tried a different church for a couple of weeks and got the same vibe. I am not sure what I am doing wrong. Does anyone have advice on finding a church and fitting in when you get there? This is something I am doing on my own as I have no family or friends who would go with me. I am feeling really discouraged as I would really like to "belong" somewhere with people who share my beliefs.

I like Assy of God churches, you can go on their website and see their beliefs. They are charismatic and believe the Lord is still moving today but they are very orderly. I personally am not attending but I've been a Christian for 30 years and have fellowship with believers. Calvary Chapel are good teaching churches and my favorite radio teacher is Wayne Monbleau of "Loving Grace ministries,Lets talk about Jesus".
No church bashing, just loving you and the Lord… lots of free teachings online… great ministry really helped me when I first got saved, the mormons came to my door but Wayne helped me find the truth…. Jesus is the way. God bless, andrea
Loving Grace Ministries/Let's Talk About Jesus with Wayne Monbleau

 

[seashale76]

I'm an introvert and can tend toward slight paranoia when it comes to how I perceive strangers reacting to me. I have been guilty of overanalyzing every facial expression turned my way. I can imagine this tendency of mine would increase if I were to visit churches alone. So, I totally get where you're coming from. (I'm not saying you're paranoid like me.)

What I have found that helps is to imagine how I generally feel and react when I see visitors in my own parish. I never think they're not welcome or don't/won't fit in. If I ever stare at them I'm trying to figure out if I actually know them, have seen them before, or just out of curiosity (I go to a very large parish). When I turn this around on myself, I immediately realize that other people's motives are generally well-meaning like mine.

My advice to you is to visit a variety of churches and pray about it. If there are visitor's classes or a coffee hour- then perhaps step out of your comfort zone and go to introduce yourself.

 

[dhh712]

Hi, I am brand new here and I have a question. I would really like to belong to a church but I am struggling a bit. A few months ago I went to a church for 5 weeks but I got the feeling from people that they were wondering why I was there. I then tried a different church for a couple of weeks and got the same vibe. I am not sure what I am doing wrong. Does anyone have advice on finding a church and fitting in when you get there? This is something I am doing on my own as I have no family or friends who would go with me. I am feeling really discouraged as I would really like to "belong" somewhere with people who share my beliefs.

I'm so sorry to hear this! I was in your exact situation when I first started trying to find a church and had just the opposite experience. I've never met more friendly and welcoming people than at all the churches I've been at as of this present date.

My first experience was at a non-denominational church because the denomination to which I felt led to was not close to where I was staying at the time. I also was going alone, with no friends or family. I showed up a little early, and just went on along with an attitude that I was a little nervous but that I knew that I wanted to worship God that day because it is what He commands us: to worship Him on the Sabbath in public as well as privately.

That first church was quite nice. A few people came up to me, who recognized that I had never been there. I explained my situation and we went along to the service. Afterwards, I talked with a few people on the way out, introduced myself, why I was there; I explained I was looking for a more traditional service, that I was of the Presbyterian faith and that I would go probably go to a church of that denomination the next week.

The same thing happened at the Presbyterian church. I was all by myself; I got there about fifteen minutes early, quite nervous. There were greeters at the door (I think they are at all Presbyterian churches, or at least those that are conservative). I spoke with them, explained why I was there. A real nice young lady took me under her wing so to speak, took me to sit with her. All the Presbyterian churches I've visited since then (on my vacations and at home)--they were all conservative branches: Orthodox Presbyterian, Presbyterian Church of America, Reformed Presbyterian--I've encountered the exact same thing. Very friendly, welcoming people.

What exactly happens when you go there? Do you show up a little early? Are there any greeters at the church? Where are you going to these churches at? The places I've visited have been: Nevada, central Virginia, central and southern North Carolina, and northwestern Indiana. What denominations were the churches which you've visited?

I hope you won't allow your experiences to discourage you from continuing to seek a church! I hope that God will eventually lead you to one which you feel is right for you.