filing

[SearcherKris]

Ok, I now have the money to file for the divorce. My plan is to go this next week to meet with my lawyer.

Please pray that I will be able to do God's will, that I won't get nauseous or start shaking, or have a panic attack.

I need to have clear guidance and encouragment from the Lord so that I can be obediant.

Please pray that I won't speak to my husband unless the Lord directs me to, and that I won't say any more or any less than I should.

 

[Tink04]

I know you'll do just fine Search.

But I'll pray for you anyway.

 

[FundiMentalist]

Is there something that I'm not interpreting correctly in the bible?

 

[Tink04]

Is there something that I'm not interpreting correctly in the bible?

I can't answer for you. But I know Searcher very well and
I don't think She is!

When I man repeatedly commits adultery, is abusive, doesn't take care of his family, and puts the life and health of his children in danger. I believe she has the right to divorce. ESPECIALLY since he continues to be unrepentant.

 

[Autumnleaf]

I can't answer for you. But I know Searcher very well and
I don't think She is!

When I man repeatedly commits adultery, is abusive, doesn't take care of his family, and puts the life and health of his children in danger. I believe she has the right to divorce. ESPECIALLY since he continues to be unrepentant.

What makes you think having no father around is better than having a less than perfect father around?

 

[Tink04]

What makes you think having no father around is better than having a less than perfect father around?

Umm let's see, Did you read what I said?


There is a HUGE HUGE difference between a less then perfect father, and an abusive one.

Yes the kids are better of without an abusive father.

The Effects of Domestic Violence
on Children In homes where domestic violence occurs, children are at high risk for suffering physical abuse themselves. Regardless of whether children are physically abused, the emotional effects of witnessing domestic violence are very similar to the psychological trauma of being a victim of child abuse.

• 
  [*]Children in homes where domestic violence occurs may "indirectly" receive injuries. They may be hurt when household items are thrown or weapons are used. Infants may be injured if being held by the mother when the batterer strikes out.
  [*]Older children may be hurt while trying to protect their mother.
  [*]Children in homes where domestic violence occurs may experience cognitive or language problems, developmental delay, stress-related physical ailments (such as headaches, ulcers, and rashes), and hearing and speech problems.
  [*]Many children in homes where domestic violence occurs have difficulties in school, including problems with concentration, poor academic performance, difficulty with peer interactions, and more absences from school.
  [*]Boys who witness domestic violence are more likely to batter their female partners as adults than boys raised in nonviolent homes. There is no evidence, however, that girls who witness their mothers' abuse have a higher risk of being battered as adults.
  [*]Taking responsibility for the abuse.
  [*]Constant anxiety (that another beating will occur) and stress-related disorders.
  [*]Guilt for not being able to stop the abuse or for loving the abuser.
  [*]Fear of abandonment.
  [*]Social isolation and difficulty interacting with peers and adults.
  [*]Low self-esteem.
  [*]Younger children do not understand the meaning of the abuse they observe and tend to believe that they �must have done something wrong.� Self-blame can precipitate feelings of guilt, worry, and anxiety.
  [*]Children may become withdrawn, non-verbal, and exhibit regressed behaviors such as clinging and whining. Eating and sleeping difficulty, concentration problems, generalized anxiety, and physical complaints (such as headaches) are all common.
  [*]Unlike younger children, the pre-adolescent child typically has greater ability to externalize negative emotions. In addition to symptoms commonly seen with childhood anxiety (such as sleep problems, eating disturbance, nightmares), victims in this age group may show a loss of interest in social activities, low self-concept, withdrawal or avoidance of peer relations, rebelliousness and oppositional-defiant behavior in the school setting. It is also common to observe temper tantrums, irritability, frequent fighting at school or between siblings, lashing out at objects, treating pets cruelly or abusively, threatening of peers or siblings with violence, and attempts to gain attention through hitting, kicking, or choking peers and/or family members. Girls are more likely to exhibit withdrawal and run the risk of being �missed� as a child in need of support.
  [*]Adolescents are at risk of academic failure, school drop-out, delinquency, substance abuse, and difficulties in their own relationships.

That's what makes me think they are better off without their father.

 

[SearcherKris]

Tink said it better than I could.

It is true that most of his abuse was verbal/emotional. But he was also "mildly" physically abusive. He was also very neglectful. I put "mildly" in quotes because I'm not so sure that you can call any abuse mild, but the physical abuse was not as bad as it is for others. Infact, it was not bad enough for the authorities to get involved. When you've got parents who are on the verge of killing their kids, the one who are only slapped get overlooked.

Not to mention what he did to me, my husband did a lot of damage to our older son. He would refuse to allow me to take our son to the doctor. At one point he had a high fever, and junk was draining out of his ear. I begged and argued for two days. Finally I convinced him that my mother would pay for the Rx. He allowed me to take him then, but he was still mad about it. He would pick fights with our son, everything he said to him was degrading and grouchy. He did not say anything to him without yelling it. He would get our son upset, and then not allow him to talk or cry. He would not even let our son apologize to him. The worst week of it, the week I left him for the final time, he slapped our son in the face.

For the verbal abuse, he would tell our son that what he thought, felt, or wanted did not matter. He told him that he was sick of him. My husband was having a tantrum and he threw a toy against the wall. The toy bounced off, knocked a glass over, and the glass broke on the floor. He told our son that he wished the toy had hit our son instead.

Abuse is known to escalte if it is not treated, meaning it gets worse. My husband won't even admit to doing anything wrong, let alone abusing us. He's not getting help, and denies he has a problem. He just says that I'm crazy and the kids are spoiled.

He lef tme a note giving me three choices:

1) I could either put up with it and be a submissive wife in all of that with a happy attitude.

2) I could continue to want to fix things and he would ignor me and run the household the way he wanted to; I could have no say when it came to the kids.

3) I could could leave and never come back.

I'm not waiting for it to get worse. How many times does he have to hit us before we can be free of him? How hard does he have to hit? How many insults, how many times do we have to be rejected by him? How many illness does my son have to wait it out without medical treatment?

If you ask me, it already happened too much. My mistake was in letting all this go as long as it did. I'm not making that mistake anymore. I may have been able to overlook the adultry and STD's, but I can't overlook my kids being neglected and hurt. I'm finished.

Thanks for reminding why I'm getting a divorce.

 

[SearcherKris]

As far as the divorce proceeding go, My lawyer has given me a copy of the divorce petition to look over. She has my name spelled wrong, so I have to get her to correct that. She waiting to see if my husand will waive being served with papers, or if we need to have him served. After this is completed, she can file.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Umm let's see, Did you read what I said?


There is a HUGE HUGE difference between a less then perfect father, and an abusive one.

Yes the kids are better of without an abusive father.





That's what makes me think they are better off without their father.

Have you looked at the consequences of having no father around and weighed the pros and cons?

 

[SearcherKris]

deleted

 

[ShainaBrina]

Have you looked at the consequences of having no father around and weighed the pros and cons?

My home was broken... that's why I fixed it by getting divorced!

God does not intend for anyone to live in abuse. HE will be the father for these children. And a far better one than the biological father is capable of.

 

[Tink04]

Have you looked at the consequences of having no father around and weighed the pros and cons?

Yes I have and I also know what the BIBLE says about the fatherless.

It says that HE (God) will be the father to the fatherless.


Searchers children are not fatherless. They have the best, most loving, perfect father anyone could ever have.

One that will never abuse them and one that will always be there for them and care for them.

RON PHILLIPS: Somebody has to carry the message to this generation that you have a Heavenly Father that will take care of you even when your earthly father is not there. You have got a Daddy God that loves you, a Daddy God that wants to protect you and provide for you. God knew our families would be dysfunctional. The Bible says that when the prodigal was a great way off, He saw him. That is the same word for "far country." There was never a day when the Father's eye wasn't on that boy. There were many days that boy never thought about his Daddy. But there is never a day that your Daddy God is not thinking about you. It is an awesome, overwhelming, powerful truth. God didn't send His Son to die on that Cross just to keep me from going to hell. He wanted to have a relationship with me, to love me, and take care of me and everybody else.

Jer 31

For I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have drawn you with loving kindness.

Romans 8
28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 29For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

8For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[m] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.


1 John 3

1How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 2Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears,[a]we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. 3Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is pure.

 

[Tink04]

I also know what the Bible says about people who are abusive, adulterous, and unrepentant.



2 Tim 3
2People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, 4treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— 5having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them.

Titus 3
. 8This is a trustworthy saying. And I want you to stress these things, so that those who have trusted in God may be careful to devote themselves to doing what is good. These things are excellent and profitable for everyone.
9But avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because these are unprofitable and useless. 10Warn a divisive person once, and then warn him a second time. After that, have nothing to do with him. 11You may be sure that such a man is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.

Matt 18
15"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.'[c] 17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.


"Admonish him once and again, that, if possible, he may be brought back, and thou mayest gain thy brother; but, if this will not reduce him, that others be not hurt, cast him out of the communion, and warn all Christians to avoid him.’’—Knowing that he that is such is subverted (turned off from the foundation) and sinneth grievously, being self-condemned. Those who will not be reclaimed by admonitions, but are obstinate in their sins and errors, are subverted and self-condemned; they inflict that punishment upon themselves which the governors of the church should inflict upon them: they throw themselves out of the church, and throw off its communion, and so are self-condemned.

 

[ShainaBrina]

Good post Trink

 

[Autumnleaf]

I also know what the Bible says about people who are abusive, adulterous, and unrepentant.

I know what the research says about how the children of these people tend to turn out when the parents stay married versus when they divorce. I will say the mother is probably making the right decision for herself if she divorces him, again based on secular research.

 

[ShainaBrina]

In the good old days. If a Jewish man hit his wife the other men of the village took him to the edge of town and gave him a good beating. This taught them not to hit their wives.

Now women and children are on their own, with little if any help from the community... especially it seems the community of believers.

 

[Autumnleaf]

In the good old days. If a Jewish man hit his wife the other men of the village took him to the edge of town and gave him a good beating. This taught them not to hit their wives.

Now women and children are on their own, with little if any help from the community... especially it seems the community of believers.

When I was around 10 my older female cousin came home with a black eye. My dad and 6 of my uncles left in a flash and came back about an hour later. She never had any trouble from that guy again. I agree with you.