- Oct 7, 2008
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I need some advice...
Pretty soon we have to sign up for housing through the college, if we want to live in dorms provided by them. In less than a week, sign up sheets for the college-provided apartments are available and I think we have a week or two to hand those in. But even then, I am unsure of whether they base acceptance into the apartments by first-come-first-serve or by credits or something else. Anyway...it is coming up quickly!
So, here's the deal...A girl in two of my classes and I got together really well and just seemed to click upon meeting. We had differences, of course, but seemed to compliment each other in various ways. Let's just call her "X". I knew she was agnostic, and am fine with that, because I myself am still searching for my faith and am unsure of what, exactly, I believe it. However a few weeks ago she seemed to become a lot more anti-Christian, and has been very discriminatory to people who read the bible and are devoted in their faith. She finds them to be hypocritical in their actions vs. their beliefs, etc. This really become evident, her dislike of faith, when I pointed out a motivational picture I liked and she said she didn't like it because it was "too God-like" simply because of how the sun hit the trees! Her obvious lack of faith, and potential disrespect for those who have it, has really been bothering me. Lately, as well, just random things she does or says gets on my nerves. She always seems to talk about her "to-be-boyfriend", and almost nothing else. She doesn't listen very well, either...and some of her values just don't match up to mine. So I am having second thoughts of rooming with her, however we had decided before that we want to.
These apartments house 4 people. I have found another girl, let's call her "Y", who although we do have a few awkward moments of silence, we get along very well. She is in the same major as I am, and is religious. We have the same values, surprisingly a lot more of the same interests and hobbies than I first thought (found this out last night!), and she seems more like the type of roommate you would want. Considerate, respectful, studious, yet fun at the same time, etc. Whether or not I room with X, Y and I are rooming together. We thought the three of us might get a room. There is another potential girl, let's call her "Z", who is also friends with Y and me. We are all in the same major, have same values, interests, etc. They both go to church on Sunday after a "Food and Faith" gathering, of which I am going to with them this Sunday. She wants to room with us but is unsure of whether her parents will help pay for it or not. But both of these girls are Christians, and I feel more comfortable with them partially because of that. I think I might rather room with another one of their friends, say from church, than with X.
The thing is that, first of all, I am unsure if this is just a phase in my friendship with X. We are definitely pulling apart, from both directions, I can tell. But I don't know what for sure is the cause on her behalf either. I almost think we would just be better as friends, not as roommates. I think being roommates would just destroy the friendship altogether, because of our differences -- especially in faith. Whereas she has none whatsoever, I am searching for mine...and would rather be around those who have it, in a sense.
But what do I do? First of all, do you think I should still plan on rooming with her, since we had thought about it earlier on this semester (when we first met and got along so well), or try to find people more like Y and Z -- either one or two of them, depending on if Z can share the apartment? I am unsure of what to do in that sense. But furthermore....if I decide that I really should not/do not want to room with X....what do I tell her? How do I say that I don't want to be her roommate anymore, but still want to be friends? I don't want to ruin the friendship by not rooming with her, yet as I mentioned I am afraid that rooming with her might also ruin the relationship...
This is all so stressful for me, when perhaps it should not be. Any help and advice would be much appreciated...
Pretty soon we have to sign up for housing through the college, if we want to live in dorms provided by them. In less than a week, sign up sheets for the college-provided apartments are available and I think we have a week or two to hand those in. But even then, I am unsure of whether they base acceptance into the apartments by first-come-first-serve or by credits or something else. Anyway...it is coming up quickly!
So, here's the deal...A girl in two of my classes and I got together really well and just seemed to click upon meeting. We had differences, of course, but seemed to compliment each other in various ways. Let's just call her "X". I knew she was agnostic, and am fine with that, because I myself am still searching for my faith and am unsure of what, exactly, I believe it. However a few weeks ago she seemed to become a lot more anti-Christian, and has been very discriminatory to people who read the bible and are devoted in their faith. She finds them to be hypocritical in their actions vs. their beliefs, etc. This really become evident, her dislike of faith, when I pointed out a motivational picture I liked and she said she didn't like it because it was "too God-like" simply because of how the sun hit the trees! Her obvious lack of faith, and potential disrespect for those who have it, has really been bothering me. Lately, as well, just random things she does or says gets on my nerves. She always seems to talk about her "to-be-boyfriend", and almost nothing else. She doesn't listen very well, either...and some of her values just don't match up to mine. So I am having second thoughts of rooming with her, however we had decided before that we want to.
These apartments house 4 people. I have found another girl, let's call her "Y", who although we do have a few awkward moments of silence, we get along very well. She is in the same major as I am, and is religious. We have the same values, surprisingly a lot more of the same interests and hobbies than I first thought (found this out last night!), and she seems more like the type of roommate you would want. Considerate, respectful, studious, yet fun at the same time, etc. Whether or not I room with X, Y and I are rooming together. We thought the three of us might get a room. There is another potential girl, let's call her "Z", who is also friends with Y and me. We are all in the same major, have same values, interests, etc. They both go to church on Sunday after a "Food and Faith" gathering, of which I am going to with them this Sunday. She wants to room with us but is unsure of whether her parents will help pay for it or not. But both of these girls are Christians, and I feel more comfortable with them partially because of that. I think I might rather room with another one of their friends, say from church, than with X.
The thing is that, first of all, I am unsure if this is just a phase in my friendship with X. We are definitely pulling apart, from both directions, I can tell. But I don't know what for sure is the cause on her behalf either. I almost think we would just be better as friends, not as roommates. I think being roommates would just destroy the friendship altogether, because of our differences -- especially in faith. Whereas she has none whatsoever, I am searching for mine...and would rather be around those who have it, in a sense.
But what do I do? First of all, do you think I should still plan on rooming with her, since we had thought about it earlier on this semester (when we first met and got along so well), or try to find people more like Y and Z -- either one or two of them, depending on if Z can share the apartment? I am unsure of what to do in that sense. But furthermore....if I decide that I really should not/do not want to room with X....what do I tell her? How do I say that I don't want to be her roommate anymore, but still want to be friends? I don't want to ruin the friendship by not rooming with her, yet as I mentioned I am afraid that rooming with her might also ruin the relationship...
This is all so stressful for me, when perhaps it should not be. Any help and advice would be much appreciated...
