This is now been added to the top of this topic due to negative comments. If you want to post something negative please keep it to yourself and don't respond. This topic was not created as an "Advice" topic or a topic to grill me and my fiance. I am here for support. >.<
Well originally in my other topic I said my fiance had sex with someone. At the time I thought it was straight up sex, I was filling in the blanks and not considering what else might have happened. I had spoken to soon about it without waiting for her to give me detail. Also for those who don't know she is asian and lives in a asian country with her family.
The short of it is she was out getting something to eat. A guy approached her and started talking her. They talked (nothing out of the ordinary). And from that point she says she can't remember much. She does remember him getting her some iced tea (I tell you this for a reason) and then the next thing she knows is that she feels really tired, when I asked her if she meant sleepy, she said she no. She said it felt like she was dizzy, she couldn't explain it in english to well.
As she pointed out what happened next she was crying on skype. She said the next thing she can remember is he was on top of her, but she couldn't really say anything. Like she froze. She remembers crying and wanting him to stop. So I said "Did you feel like you were trapped or scared?". She said she felt so out of it. She doesn't even remember if he at least had a condom on. She just remember crying and crying.
Then she tells me shes a horrible woman and its her fault he did this to her because she froze up and didn't fight back. The more she talked the more it sounded like someone who has been (drugged) and raped. I asked why she did not tell her mom at least about this. She said because her mom is a pastor and expects them to be perfect. She is sacred to tell anyone not only because gossip will spread. And also because she afraid people wil think shes a terrible person/
Shes VERY scared. She won't go into any other detail like what exactly she could remember him doing to her. >.< On top of it she lives in a small village so if she goes to the doctor for a pregnancy or STD test (assuming no protection was used) everyone will find out. She feels even more sad because she knows if she is pregnant it won't be a child made by us. She kept putting herself down the whole time we talked. I even told her that if he forced himself on her it was NOT her fault. It was rape.
But even so she says its still her fault for not fighting back or anything. She said if she loved me she should have not cried when it happened and fought him. Shes so devastated and still grieving. We prayed together though for many things. She did feel better by the end but obviously is still not taking it easy.
I reassured her and told her again it was not her fault. I told her if she is pregnant shes going to have to tell people because obviously they will notice. I told her too that if she is pregnant. We will raise the baby together. He/She will be our blessing from this terrible trial. I'm supporting her so much right now. I wish I could fly there right now and just hold her and not let go. Its killing me.
I would never leave her. But shes going to have to get help for this and also get testing done. But I am not sure to get her to do it without her fearing her mother. I did share some articles with her about rape/drugged...etc so she would she it was not her fault and also that she needs to tell someone. Even file a police report even though there, there isn't much they can do about it.
So with this all in mind now what do you think? I also ask for all your prayers. I am staying strong for us, and she is trying to, but I hear her voice and I can tell this will take her a long time to recover from. Especially the guilt.
Well originally in my other topic I said my fiance had sex with someone. At the time I thought it was straight up sex, I was filling in the blanks and not considering what else might have happened. I had spoken to soon about it without waiting for her to give me detail. Also for those who don't know she is asian and lives in a asian country with her family.
The short of it is she was out getting something to eat. A guy approached her and started talking her. They talked (nothing out of the ordinary). And from that point she says she can't remember much. She does remember him getting her some iced tea (I tell you this for a reason) and then the next thing she knows is that she feels really tired, when I asked her if she meant sleepy, she said she no. She said it felt like she was dizzy, she couldn't explain it in english to well.
As she pointed out what happened next she was crying on skype. She said the next thing she can remember is he was on top of her, but she couldn't really say anything. Like she froze. She remembers crying and wanting him to stop. So I said "Did you feel like you were trapped or scared?". She said she felt so out of it. She doesn't even remember if he at least had a condom on. She just remember crying and crying.
Then she tells me shes a horrible woman and its her fault he did this to her because she froze up and didn't fight back. The more she talked the more it sounded like someone who has been (drugged) and raped. I asked why she did not tell her mom at least about this. She said because her mom is a pastor and expects them to be perfect. She is sacred to tell anyone not only because gossip will spread. And also because she afraid people wil think shes a terrible person/
Shes VERY scared. She won't go into any other detail like what exactly she could remember him doing to her. >.< On top of it she lives in a small village so if she goes to the doctor for a pregnancy or STD test (assuming no protection was used) everyone will find out. She feels even more sad because she knows if she is pregnant it won't be a child made by us. She kept putting herself down the whole time we talked. I even told her that if he forced himself on her it was NOT her fault. It was rape.
But even so she says its still her fault for not fighting back or anything. She said if she loved me she should have not cried when it happened and fought him. Shes so devastated and still grieving. We prayed together though for many things. She did feel better by the end but obviously is still not taking it easy.
I reassured her and told her again it was not her fault. I told her if she is pregnant shes going to have to tell people because obviously they will notice. I told her too that if she is pregnant. We will raise the baby together. He/She will be our blessing from this terrible trial. I'm supporting her so much right now. I wish I could fly there right now and just hold her and not let go. Its killing me.
I would never leave her. But shes going to have to get help for this and also get testing done. But I am not sure to get her to do it without her fearing her mother. I did share some articles with her about rape/drugged...etc so she would she it was not her fault and also that she needs to tell someone. Even file a police report even though there, there isn't much they can do about it.
So with this all in mind now what do you think? I also ask for all your prayers. I am staying strong for us, and she is trying to, but I hear her voice and I can tell this will take her a long time to recover from. Especially the guilt.
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