Fiance leaving for army

[krs22]

hello everyone~
my fiance joined the army reserves and now he has to leave and lately he has been telling me how upset he is and how he thinks i will do him wrong while he is gone. He keeps asking me if i would like to go on a break and i tell him no everytime but i am beginning to worry and wonder why he keeps asking me this. He for some reason thinks that i am going to be unfaithful and i can not get it through his head that he is the only one for me. I have heard that this happening is common but does anyone know of anything or any ways to make him see that he has nothing to worry about. will this ever end????

 

[jbaccus]

First, I'll start out by saying that your fiance needs your approval of what he is doing.

Second, I would ask that if he is willing, then you should pray with each other. I know that sounds real vague, but what it will do is open up your communication paths with each other. Keep telling him how much you care for him. He will need you to affirm that in him. He has a trust issue, which almost all men have had, especially in fairly new relationships.

Seek out a female friend that can help counsel you when he is gone. It could makes things worse if he sees that you are getting help from other male peers. Also, if he is a believer also, then you both should go to your pastor and seek counsel.

Lastly, yes this will end. It takes time, but you both will get through it. Take care.

Joel

 

[krs22]

thank you for that. i will try what you have suggested.

 

[Mistyfogg]

Hey krs22!

I am a military wife and my husband is on deployment right now (this is the second one for us). Although my husband and I have never experienced the problem you are having, many friends of mine have had the same problem.

Have a serious heart to heart talk with him. Don't give up on him, I am sure he has a lot of things running through his mind right now (the stress could be the reason for him thinking these things). He might also have heard rumors or horror stories about girlfriends or wives cheating and it is fueling the fire. You need to tell him how much you support him and how you will wait for him. Think of the time apart as a chance to let your relationship grow in ways you otherwise would not know. I have witnessed deployment being the make-or-break point for many couples. Just keep reminding him of why you love him so much and think he is the only one for you. If you need to talk to anyone else, or want to talk in private, just send me a pm! Take care

 

[daidhaid]

Really talk it out. Stress can make it hard to communicate but if you can do it it's a skill for a lifetime.
I deployed less than 6 months after being married, it was a drag, but we made it.
I know others who had it worse, and they came out ok too.

The faithfulness issue can be dealt with, but he's probably heard a lot of stories.
It's a long time concern for GI's heck they still sing cadences about Jody.
I won't trouble you with the verses.

Also, not wanting to be a downer but, if he is combat arms he may even have concerns about burdening you.
He may possibly harbor thoughts about not making it home or coming back a casualty.
That makes his feelings protective but misguided.

Since your in the reserves I'm assuming you won't have the benefit of a military base in town, but there may be other spouses you can network with.
That worked well for us.
Write him lots of letters, he will read them over and over.

 

[krs22]

thank you everyone for all your advice. im going to do all that you have suggested. yall have made me feel a lot better.