Fellowship?

[MoeSzyslak]

Does anyone actually have Christian friends or people you have fellowship with? I went over someones house for fellowship about 5 years ago. Before that was probably 18 years ago. I just can't form these relationships. Apparently I am just too odd for humans.
This is probably the hardest part of being a Christian for me, the fact I have to be one alone.

 

[Sabertooth]

I am there right now, but, in past churches that were either small or had home groups, I felt better connected.

In school, I always connected with other Aspies. I just didn't know that at the time.

 

[SplendidTree]

Praying for you!

 

[flyff]

Sorry, I don't help you!

 

[dayhiker]

Hi Moe,
So you have told us about not meeting with Christians often for fellowship.
But I'd like you to comment on what happened when you were there, did you talk to people?
Secondly, have you done any work to be a leader with getting people together to fellowship with?

 

[MoeSzyslak]

Hi Moe,
So you have told us about not meeting with Christians often for fellowship.
But I'd like you to comment on what happened when you were there, did you talk to people?
Secondly, have you done any work to be a leader with getting people together to fellowship with?

.
I really struggle in the social small group setting for many reasons.
1. I really can't socialize, what they call small talk. If I know who is going to be there, I can script something out in advance and then I do OK. If I don't script something ahead of time, I am at a complete loss. I also suffer from anxiety driven select mutism, so sometimes I literally can't talk. Its like wires get crossed in my brain and I can't find the correct route to put the signals on.
2. Scriptures do not make a whole of sense to me. I can't get past the literal reading. For instance, the last time I went to men's group they talked about the phrase 'Jesus set the captives free. My take: this is irrelevant, I am not in jail. Others talked about being captive to a certain sin or a lifestyle etc. I just don't see these things when I read scripture. I am way too literal. So even if I have the desire to talk, I have no insight to share other then i am not in jail. (though my comments usually provide comedy relief). Scriptures really elude me. Which is why i desire small groups. Other people can really bring it alive for me.
3. I have no idea how to pray. My prayers are usually one sentence and may involve a curse word. God understands and accepts my prayers. Other people don't. That brings the anxiety and select mutism back out.

Yes. I'm a mess. I know that.

 

[MoeSzyslak]

I once volunteered to lead a small group. I was told no thank you. They were probably right. It was probably for the better. I am sure it would have involved me reading something very structured and pedanticly.

Between the reading, lack of insight, mutism and lets not leave out the motor tics, I am sure nobody would have showed up a second time anyways. . So it was probably a blessing in disguise I was told no.

 

[MoeSzyslak]

I am there right now, but, in past churches that were either small or had home groups, I felt better connected.

In school, I always connected with other Aspies. I just didn't know that at the time.

I think you may be correct. I think God is telling me to try a smaller church, possibly one with life groups or the such. My present church has 3000 or so attendees. It is a very active and awesome church, maybe just not suited for me. Maybe to easy to get lost. So I think I hear God telling me the answer. I am just having serious troubles breaking out of my routine and comfort zone.
I also have a history of going to cults. They seem friendly and I can't read their intentions. So i have unknowingly joined a few cults before and this thought is also in the back of my mind.

There is a aspie who writes a Christian blog two towns over from me. I'd like to meet up with him but don't know how to go about it without coming off as a stalker.

 

[Sabertooth]

There is a aspie who writes a Christian blog two towns over from me. I'd like to meet up with him but don't know how to go about it without coming off as a stalker.

Email/PM through his blog, where he expects public contact. Begin your dialog that way. Let him know you live [in your city] and, later, see about meeting him in a neutral place. He may even invite you first.

 

[dayhiker]

Moe, you sound like you understand your situation very well. it doesn't sound like I have AS as intensely as you do. But I kinds learned to deal with many of the things you are facing.

1. When I was about 25 I happened to hear about some small group training thru the Methodist church. I started to realize that the dynamic of groups changes from one on one, then its different upto groups of 6 or do, then different again up to 12 then to 50-150 and then changes again around 500-600. So the dynamics of the group isn't one set of skills be a different group of skill as the group gets bigger and bigger.

2. I remember being like you and at first not talking to anyone. Then planning something to say to someone, a questions to ask. That helped me to engage people.

3. I loved to learn facts that I found interesting. I'd tell people facts. They were bored. I started to learn when others were bored with what I was saying. I found this to be one of the best things to learn. If I don't bore people then I'm not so off putting. Since people didn't wants facts. I started to wonder how I could talk to them. Then I heard a show about how people are drawn into to stories and narratives. So instead of just learning the fact, I remembered how I learned the fact and what was puzzling me and how this fact helped me understand something. So I was still telling people facts, but the fact was embedded in the story. People would listen to me when I had a good story to tell. But to me I was telling them a fact that I thought explained something.
But even then some people got bored, when I see that, I shorten the story to a couple of sentences. If its really be I force myself to stop talking.

So it took me years to learn these skills but it become one of my obsessions. So it was an enjoyable thing to learn for me.

Well, I say all that to say there is a way out of your mutism, but like everything, we have to use our intelligence to learn the skills rather then intuition.

 

[jackmt]

Sorry, I don't help you!

Huh?

 

[MoeSzyslak]

it doesn't sound like I have AS as intensely as you do.

I don't think it's any more severe. Just different. When I look at it, I appear to be more severe when it comes to social interaction and anxiety. I am often amazed at how well some aspies socialize.
However when it comes to things like sensitivities, need for routine, or special interests, I am way on the mild side.
So different. Not necessarily more severe.

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, that makes a lot of sense. That would be why AS is diagnosed if your have 2 out of 3 in category 1, 1 of 2 category 2 etc or what every the numbers actually are.

 

[Letter Never Sent]

I've wanted to start a Bible study/fellowship group with members of this forum for a while now, but after doing some "snooping" on the profiles of the people I wanted to invite to join I saw that we were all from different denominations and I was afraid that my attempt at fellowship and encouragement would turn into theological disputes on differences in beliefs. Plus no one ever joins anything that I initiate so I never followed through with the idea.

I'm open to any kind of idea anyone has for some type of fellowship inside or outside this forum.

I'd also like to see an off-topic thread right here where we can just talk about everyday stuff with each other. I never started on out of fear that it would get moved by a moderator to somewhere more appropriate. I guess I'll try and see what happens.