feels like a funeral

[friendofaslan]

Tomorrow I get to drive 300 miles (round trip) so I can meet with my lawyer, a judge, my husband and probably his lawyer. I feel like I'm getting ready for my own funeral.

I left him because he was horribly abusive--he never hit me, but if words could kill, I would be dead 1000 times over.

Now he states that I abused him --- such are the ravings of people with mental disorders.

I do miss the good times, and there were alot of good times. But, some of them were, I think, guilt offerings because he knew he was hurting me,

I had hoped that with time, prayer and counseling we might not get divorced. A few weeks ago he gave me an ultimatum, and I declined...So tomorrow we go for "temporary orders" and then it's just a waiting game until the time runs out (in CO it's 90 days).

That's why I feel like I'm going to a funeral. Our marriage is officially dead. I'll never see my husband again after tomorrow. It's done, finished--and we won't grow old together after all.

I'm already old. Can someone please tell me there is hope for a real life when you're 56 years old and getting divorced?

Feeling unhappy, even tho I am a "friend of Aslan."

 

[Chrystal-J]

So sorry to hear about your divorce. I'm becoming legally separated soon and I was feeling down. But, I've found that being free of the abuse has given me the extra time and energy I need to grow closer to the Lord. I read the Bible more, go to church more and can pray about something other than the sad state of my marriage. I feel sad that it finally fell totally apart--but, in a way it's been good for me. I don't waste time and energy dealing with his abuse. I get to spend my time learning the Word and trying to gain understanding. I'm not even sure I would ever get married again if I was free to do so. I've grown more as a Christian since the separation began than I did in the rest of my life.
So, don't look at it as an end. Look at it as a new beginning for a chance at a closer relationship with the Lord!
I know you're hurting and it's hard--but, I've found that prayer really does help. And Bible study has helped me too.
I hope you feel better soon.
Take Care,
C J

 

[free4all]

I'm sorry. Praying for you as you take this step toward your new life.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Tomorrow I get to drive 300 miles (round trip) so I can meet with my lawyer, a judge, my husband and probably his lawyer. I feel like I'm getting ready for my own funeral.

I left him because he was horribly abusive--he never hit me, but if words could kill, I would be dead 1000 times over.

Now he states that I abused him --- such are the ravings of people with mental disorders.

I do miss the good times, and there were alot of good times. But, some of them were, I think, guilt offerings because he knew he was hurting me,

I had hoped that with time, prayer and counseling we might not get divorced. A few weeks ago he gave me an ultimatum, and I declined...So tomorrow we go for "temporary orders" and then it's just a waiting game until the time runs out (in CO it's 90 days).

That's why I feel like I'm going to a funeral. Our marriage is officially dead. I'll never see my husband again after tomorrow. It's done, finished--and we won't grow old together after all.

I'm already old. Can someone please tell me there is hope for a real life when you're 56 years old and getting divorced?

Feeling unhappy, even tho I am a "friend of Aslan."

There is almost always hope. What was the straw that broke the camel's back? It sounds like you've been married a long time.

 

[christalee4]

Tomorrow I get to drive 300 miles (round trip) so I can meet with my lawyer, a judge, my husband and probably his lawyer. I feel like I'm getting ready for my own funeral.

I left him because he was horribly abusive--he never hit me, but if words could kill, I would be dead 1000 times over.

Now he states that I abused him --- such are the ravings of people with mental disorders.

I do miss the good times, and there were alot of good times. But, some of them were, I think, guilt offerings because he knew he was hurting me,

I had hoped that with time, prayer and counseling we might not get divorced. A few weeks ago he gave me an ultimatum, and I declined...So tomorrow we go for "temporary orders" and then it's just a waiting game until the time runs out (in CO it's 90 days).

That's why I feel like I'm going to a funeral. Our marriage is officially dead. I'll never see my husband again after tomorrow. It's done, finished--and we won't grow old together after all.

I'm already old. Can someone please tell me there is hope for a real life when you're 56 years old and getting divorced?

Feeling unhappy, even tho I am a "friend of Aslan."

You are not old. A potential divorce after being married for so long is what is hurting your soul.

Is it really too late? Does he absolutely insist on going through with it, and not going for more counseling or time?

The question you must ask yourself and God - is the love really gone out of your marriage? Is there anything you can do further to try to salvage it? That's a long time invested in each other. I have been through it - PM me if you feel like to. I will be praying for your heart - hope it heals.

 

[madison1101]

Yes, it is a death, and there is mourning. Allow yourself to grieve. Feel the feelings and give them to God.

When I was at the place you are, four years ago, a dear friend gave me a verse I clung to during the most difficult times. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "Plans to prosper you, not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." There is hope, and there is a future. 56 is not ancient. It is seasoned.

After my divorce, I went back to school and am planning a career change. When I am 56 I will be able to pursue my mission in life, full time social work. There are many hurting people out there who need to hear words of healing and love, and the Lord has chosen me to be a messenger for Him in this matter.

Pray and seek the Lord as to your mission for this chapter of your life. I met a couple while doing a short term missions project. They were retired from the military and going on the mission field full time at your age.

We are never too old to serve the Lord.

Hugs,
Trish

 

[friendofaslan]

Well, it's been about a month and I haven't died yet. Sometimes I wish I had; how beautiful to see Jesus' face--and if it's true that we'll see friends and family, I look forward to seeing Mom and Grandma T. I'm not suicidal. I would just like to disappear, and find myself in Heaven. Guess that's why I like Narnia so much.

Got an email from Ralph today. He finished his 12-step "inventory" 2 weeks ago and is still pretty broken up. Is it my co-dependency that causes me to want to try to go back and start a new life with him? How do you know when God is leading or when you're making a big
mistake. Not that he offered to call off the divorce, but if I agreed to move to California with him, he'd probably cancel it (almost $3000 in legal fees, not to mention the moving van!)

So, I don't know. I'll keep praying. I have asked him if he plans to disappear from my life... I don't think either of us want this.

My family, however, is convinced that his abusive nature will never change, and that I'd be an idiot to even consider going back to him if I could.

Sigh--I will keep seeking God, and He WILL lead me according to His plans for me. Please, Lord, help me to follow you, and not be deceived into forging a new path.

 

[Ceili]

I hope you don't go back into this situation because it's breaking ya down.Help is not really visible on the outside but I prayed well into many dawns thinking about my decision.I too feel as though someone died.I do want to move on and I will. I have too much pride to ever take my ex husband back. Oh and I'm in Colorado state also.Things were very slow for us. I hope
for good news for you.

 

[lovesong]

I know how you feel 'friend'. My hubby walked out on me 2 weeks ago. I've been to a lawyer for counsel, but haven't done anything yet. I spent a lot of years dealing with his verbal abuse till about 5 years ago, when I was told to leave the house by the time he got home. He had a temper, and was really on a rampage at the time, so I left. I lived in a shelter with my 3 kids for a little over a month. I eventually gave him one more chance. Things were much better .. until recently.

Last October, he left to go down south for a new job. We were fine when he left - everything in agreement. Then he gets involved with the wrong people, wrong woman - etc. He came home for a visit 2 weekends ago, supposedly for a weeks stay. But by the end of the third day, he said he couldn't stay anymore - said he felt detached, and was walking away. Packed his things, and left.

At this point, he calls me .. begging me to forgive him, and go back to him. ( Go back? I never left! He did!)

My family has also said, 'divorce him - he's caused you so much pain in your marriage'. But in 24 years, I've always managed to forgive. Family sees things from a surface level .. they don't know the depths of the relationship or what goes on. It's hard to tell them or seek comfort from them and expect objective, sound advice.

So, if I forgive him again .. is it because we're supposed to, or is it really co - dependency?

It's a curious thing ... to forgive someone over and over. Does it send a message that no matter what they do, they get this notion that we'll forgive them in the end anyhow.. especially if they know we're of Christian minds? I need to find that passage in the Bible where it talks about forgiving 70 x7 ... because I know I'm way past THAT quota.

"For better or worse" .. who wrote those vows, and why doesn't it include ultimatums .. you know, like the ones our spouses so freely give us as they choose to see fit?!?

I'm sorry, friend .. I wish I could tell you what to do. I just wanted you to know that you weren't alone in this. I keep praying for the Lord's leading .. that's all you can do too.

 

[Battle Maiden]

Tomorrow I get to drive 300 miles (round trip) so I can meet with my lawyer, a judge, my husband and probably his lawyer. I feel like I'm getting ready for my own funeral.

I left him because he was horribly abusive--he never hit me, but if words could kill, I would be dead 1000 times over.

Now he states that I abused him --- such are the ravings of people with mental disorders.

I do miss the good times, and there were alot of good times. But, some of them were, I think, guilt offerings because he knew he was hurting me,

I had hoped that with time, prayer and counseling we might not get divorced. A few weeks ago he gave me an ultimatum, and I declined...So tomorrow we go for "temporary orders" and then it's just a waiting game until the time runs out (in CO it's 90 days).

That's why I feel like I'm going to a funeral. Our marriage is officially dead. I'll never see my husband again after tomorrow. It's done, finished--and we won't grow old together after all.

I'm already old. Can someone please tell me there is hope for a real life when you're 56 years old and getting divorced?

Feeling unhappy, even tho I am a "friend of Aslan."

I am sorry that you are going through this, it is hard and yes it is a grieving process that you are going through and will continue to go through for awhile. It's a chapter that has closed, but a new one is opening. It is hard to see all your hopes and dreams shattered.

But I can tell you honestly that the Lord has something much better for you. I know at the moment that it does not feel that way. You need to allow the Lord to come and heal the pain of all those years of abuse, let him build you up. Then you will see what the Lord has for you, he will restore your life and you will live a life in all it's fullness, yes you may find someone else, but you may feel contented to be on your own, give it to God and let him lead you along the still waters, for his rod and staff will comfort you.

Battle Maiden

 

[friendofaslan]

Thank you to all who have been praying for me, and Ralph, and our marriage. It officially ended May 12 (his birthday).

So now, I need to "move forward" as they say. I am only able to do one day at a time, which is all God ever gives us. I still have a good job, and will close on a house next week!

I don't do much "praying", although I do seem to have a running conversation with God. I just don't feel like studying, or going anywhere. Isolation is not good, I know.
OK, so now maybe I can be accountable to "the forum" and start my Bible study again. Can anyone recommend a good study? Normally, I'd rather do my own study, but I think I would enjoy one that is already written.
Thank you again for all your prayers.
judi

 

[free4all]

Judi,

It's so good to hear from you!

I'm sorry for what you are still going through, but I pray your situation will continue to improve.

I'm drawing a blank on a Bible study to recommend.

Just want to say it's good to hear from you!

Wayne