Feelings Surface Once Again...

[reverie_maiden]

Ok...I have an issue with my feelings for a certain guy. It's complicated, but I'll try to explain. I met him four years ago on a blind date that my best friend set up. She never told me he had developed feelings for me that night...because she in turn also had feelings for him. I told her that I had feelings for him and she waited until three years later to tell me he had also had feelings for me. She failed to tell me this, so all those years I thought that date had been a failure. When I found out this new information he had just been shipped off to Iraq for a year. So, I emailed him and told him everything. He said we could start dating when he returned home. Once he was home he took me out on a date and broke down in tears telling me there could never be anything between us. I asked him why he was crying...and he said because he had fallen in love with me too, but because he was stationed way across the country the distance would kill us. I agreed. Time went on and he got shipped off to Afghanistan, I didn't hear from him until he returned home to the states just last night. I didn't realize until then how strong my feelings for him still were burning inside me. What should I do...because he will be shipped out to Iraq again in just three months?

 

[Eagle_Wings]

If both of you share the same feelings for each other, but don't think a long distance relationship will work....then I'd say it's time to move on. I'm not trying to be harsh here, but obviously he's in the military and I know for a fact that military marriages can be difficult. I'm not sure what branch he is in, but I'm pretty sure that in all the branches the members get shipped out for periods of time...both in war and peace times. I know that when my brother is assigned a ship he goes out periodically for various amounts of time and there are even times when he goes out for 6 months, it's very hard on my sister-in-law, but she knew what she was signing up for when she married him. I know someone else who is in the National Guard Reserves and he's getting sent to Germany for a few months. Seperation is just part of military life, so it would seem to me that if you guys could handle a long-distance relationship it would actually be good training for a life together with him in the military. (Assuming he's looking at this as a career...if he's not planning on doing career, then why not wait until he's out of the service?)

I know it's hard dealing with strong feelings, especially when you know that their mutual. I'm just curious why he thinks the distance should keep you guys from having a relationship?

 

[justasinner]

I think you should be with him, that is true dating! And maybe even if time and feelings and God permit marry this man.

As I have said before there is an old saying that goes:
"If you love it then let it go, and if it loves you it will return".

Well in this case you and this guy both have let each other go. Even with the misdeeds of your other girlfriend you and this guy have been growing closer and closer. Therefore, to me your love and his is trying to find away to be together. So, do not let evil of society destroy what could be. That is, the start of a great relationship and even though it might start out kind of bad, being that he will in another country. At least you know you have his love and support. And while he is away you can dream of the greater life you will share when he returns.

Yes, long distant relation are hard. But if the couple truly love each other the relationship or marriage will grow even with that distant between them. Emails, IM, and web cams can make that distant seam a little shorter. And everyone that knows someone in the military will understand that at one or more times love ones have to spend some time apart. The deal is that the one that is home bound seek comfort in God and the two family they have while the other is away. If you need proof just ask any of your family or friend's family that had to spend time in the past wars. They will tell you it is hard but it can work.


Be at peace with you decision!

 

[renaistre]

How long is he planning on being in the military? Is he trying to make a career out of it or is he just in for a few more years? If the distance thing won't work out, but it's only for a few more years, you might just need to be patient.

 

[JPPT1974]

How long is he planning on being in the military? Is he trying to make a career out of it or is he just in for a few more years? If the distance thing won't work out, but it's only for a few more years, you might just need to be patient.

Talk to him about how you feel about him going into the military and if it's either career or just a few years.

 

[reverie_maiden]

If both of you share the same feelings for each other, but don't think a long distance relationship will work....then I'd say it's time to move on. I'm not trying to be harsh here, but obviously he's in the military and I know for a fact that military marriages can be difficult. I'm not sure what branch he is in, but I'm pretty sure that in all the branches the members get shipped out for periods of time...both in war and peace times. I know that when my brother is assigned a ship he goes out periodically for various amounts of time and there are even times when he goes out for 6 months, it's very hard on my sister-in-law, but she knew what she was signing up for when she married him. I know someone else who is in the National Guard Reserves and he's getting sent to Germany for a few months. Seperation is just part of military life, so it would seem to me that if you guys could handle a long-distance relationship it would actually be good training for a life together with him in the military. (Assuming he's looking at this as a career...if he's not planning on doing career, then why not wait until he's out of the service?)

I know it's hard dealing with strong feelings, especially when you know that their mutual. I'm just curious why he thinks the distance should keep you guys from having a relationship?

He didn't want us to date because he knew that I worry about him WAY too much, which is very true because I tell him that all the time and he gets mad but knows he can't change me.

 

[reverie_maiden]

I think you should be with him, that is true dating! And maybe even if time and feelings and God permit marry this man.

As I have said before there is an old saying that goes:
"If you love it then let it go, and if it loves you it will return".

Well in this case you and this guy both have let each other go. Even with the misdeeds of your other girlfriend you and this guy have been growing closer and closer. Therefore, to me your love and his is trying to find away to be together. So, do not let evil of society destroy what could be. That is, the start of a great relationship and even though it might start out kind of bad, being that he will in another country. At least you know you have his love and support. And while he is away you can dream of the greater life you will share when he returns.

Yes, long distant relation are hard. But if the couple truly love each other the relationship or marriage will grow even with that distant between them. Emails, IM, and web cams can make that distant seam a little shorter. And everyone that knows someone in the military will understand that at one or more times love ones have to spend some time apart. The deal is that the one that is home bound seek comfort in God and the two family they have while the other is away. If you need proof just ask any of your family or friend's family that had to spend time in the past wars. They will tell you it is hard but it can work.


Be at peace with you decision!

You are the first person to tell me this...hmm...interesting.

 

[reverie_maiden]

How long is he planning on being in the military? Is he trying to make a career out of it or is he just in for a few more years? If the distance thing won't work out, but it's only for a few more years, you might just need to be patient.

He lives for the Army though...and I don't think he knows whether he will make a career of it or not. I haven't heard him talk on that subject either way. There is always the possibility of him getting out in a few years though I suppose.

 

[reverie_maiden]

Talk to him about how you feel about him going into the military and if it's either career or just a few years.

He doesn't really like to talk about the military too much around me. I mean he wouldn't even talk about his time in Iraq with anyone...he refused. But, I asked him because I wanted to know...and so for some odd reason he crumbled and spilled to me whatever I wanted to know.

 

[JPPT1974]

He doesn't really like to talk about the military too much around me. I mean he wouldn't even talk about his time in Iraq with anyone...he refused. But, I asked him because I wanted to know...and so for some odd reason he crumbled and spilled to me whatever I wanted to know.

Same with my late maternal grandfather as when he talked about it, he had tears in his eyes and tried to change the subject.

 

[reverie_maiden]

Same with my late maternal grandfather as when he talked about it, he had tears in his eyes and tried to change the subject.

Yeah, I do suppose they would chose to block out war related memories because they are so traumatic and not want to let anyone else imagine or picture what they went through.