I wanted to post and ask for some advice, but I can't really reply or have a major dialog because I have tendonitis and the doctor said not to type. It really really hurts. However, what I am dealing with is bothering me so much I wanted to talk about it and I'll read your replies.
I suffer from depression and other mental health issues and sometimes struggle with thoughts of suicide. I also struggle with questions of whether god is real. One time, in college, I had planned out a suicide attempt (this was about eight years ago) and was really serious about attempting. The night I was going to do it, (I was waiting for my roommate to leave and was shopping) I randomly picked up a fiction book off some shelf in a store and opened it directly to a page where someone was about to kill themselves in the way I had been planning to- and didn't becasue of God's intervention.
I always thought that was a miracle that God was telling me not to do it. At the time, it saved my life.
Well, about 2 months ago, I had another suicidal crisis. I felt really really upset. However, I managed to fight off the suicidal feelings and didn't do it. (I went in the hospital, the dr changed my medication, and I was feeling much better)
Recently, I have been depressed again (the depression comes and goes).
What are the odds of this happening? I had been very much faltering on my belief in God and my will to live to begin with. Now the only thing I have clung to to have faith in god is to believe he intervened that time in college- but how am I supposed to take these new events? That he no longer cares? That the original thing was just a coincidence and these two times were as well? So is there a god, or isnt' there? Is he intervening or isn't he?
I'm trying to keep myself distracted, but I'm pretty upset.
Does anyone have any advice? BTW, I called my counselor but she can't see me until after Christmas
Hopefully this will not be too triggering for anyone.
I suffer from depression and other mental health issues and sometimes struggle with thoughts of suicide. I also struggle with questions of whether god is real. One time, in college, I had planned out a suicide attempt (this was about eight years ago) and was really serious about attempting. The night I was going to do it, (I was waiting for my roommate to leave and was shopping) I randomly picked up a fiction book off some shelf in a store and opened it directly to a page where someone was about to kill themselves in the way I had been planning to- and didn't becasue of God's intervention.
I always thought that was a miracle that God was telling me not to do it. At the time, it saved my life.
Well, about 2 months ago, I had another suicidal crisis. I felt really really upset. However, I managed to fight off the suicidal feelings and didn't do it. (I went in the hospital, the dr changed my medication, and I was feeling much better)
Recently, I have been depressed again (the depression comes and goes).
What are the odds of this happening? I had been very much faltering on my belief in God and my will to live to begin with. Now the only thing I have clung to to have faith in god is to believe he intervened that time in college- but how am I supposed to take these new events? That he no longer cares? That the original thing was just a coincidence and these two times were as well? So is there a god, or isnt' there? Is he intervening or isn't he?
I'm trying to keep myself distracted, but I'm pretty upset.
Does anyone have any advice? BTW, I called my counselor but she can't see me until after Christmas
Hopefully this will not be too triggering for anyone.
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