feeling very low

[FIC/forever]

i have been working through my abuse with help but finding it very hard to talk at all and feeling a bit depressed and tired with it all. I'm at a stage were I want to bury it again and forget about it but I know this doesn't work because i have done this in the past and it kept coming to the surface but I don't know if I have the strength to go on. I Have been sick for a couple of months from side effects of an arthritis tablet I was taking which the consultant has now taken me off and I think this didn't help. Was wondering how other people have managed to get through. I have been quite suicidal lately

 

[RuthD]

I'll share my experience, faith and hope with you. I went through a lot of counseling for being abused. It was real hard and I cried so hard I almost vomited. But it released a lot of the pain. I also got very angry and learned to deal with that. I still had a chemical imbalance from the trauma and needed to go on medicine. That helped very much, too. I feel Jesus has blessed me with all of the things that have helped me. While going through counseling in the beginning I started exercising every day until I actually enjoyed it and wanted to get out and run or use my treadmill or exercise bike. That made me feel very good.

I believe you have the strength and Jesus by your side. I am praying for you. You already have taken the right steps and are in healing. It will be uncomfortable at times and you can take a break but I would ask your counselor about that. That's in case you get too overwhelmed. Best wishes to you.

 

[over the rainbow]

x

 

[Criada]

I'm sorry, sweetie, I know how hard it is, especially at the beginning.
I don't know whether it would help, but when I first started therapy, there were things that I couldn't say out loud, and I used to write a letter to my therapist and give it to him at the beginning of the session.
It meant that I didn't have to bring up the hard stuff, he could lead and I didn't have to say the details out loud.

it does get easier, sweetie. I'm not through dealing with things by a long way, but I can talk about it now, and I know that it's 'out there' and I am not going to pput it away again until it is finished.

I don't know whether you are on any anti-depressants, if not it is worth talking to your doctor about them, it could help.
Above all, remember that none of this is your fault, that it is something that was done to you, and that you will get through this time and come out into the light again.
Hold on, sweetie... you are doing so well in trying to deal with it all. Give yourself time and space, and look after yourself, sweetie.

If you need to talk, PM me any time

 

[Johnnz]

Some really supportive, caring people/person is so helpful when you are at that stage. Real hugs from someone you can trust enough can help soothe the very raw emotions. Is there someone like that in your life?

John
NZ

 

[FIC/forever]

thank you all for your kind words and for sharing your experiences. I am so weary I am taking some time away from working through it all I feel I need to be still and quiet cause it makes me feel suicidal so please pray for me. Right now I cant even feel God and if he is out there I wish He would show me. I just feel numb I've carried some of this for 39 years and I now want to let it out but its not working!!!

 

[Johnnz]

That' sensible. Your may well be pretty numb. But God is not 'out there'. He is right there within and around you constantly. His hold onto you is very secure. Rest in that fact.

John
NZ

 

[havana16]

i too was a victim of some really horrible domestic violence about 15 years ago
i want you to know that even though you cannot feel God He is there, Hee is carrying you thru your storm
God was with me back then and i barely knew Him so i know He is therefor you
let out your frustratrions and anger threu prayer God will listen and you can trust Him not to look at you strangely and He will understand
after all, look at what He didfor us He suffered, was beaten scouraged and bled for our sins and He gave His life for us! that is real love!
keep the faith,,,i have been there and made it thru, it gets easier...

 

[FIC/forever]

thank you all so much it has been helpful just to know there are people out there who have been through things themselves and who can relate to how I am feeling and the things I am going through. today I felt like quitting altogether and I was crying unto God to help me and a friend sent me Isaiah 43 as a song. it is strange but I just cant find Him right now x x

 

[Johnnz]

Sometimes the heavens seem closed. But that does not negate the unchangeable fact that God has found us and won't let us go.

Bless you. Let's anticipate a great new year in 2011 resulting from your progress throughout 2010.

John
NZ

 

[moto4life]

I know it hurts and you can feel very alone at some times. I've also tried forgetting and it just doesn't work. Some days it's easier to deal with and others it feels like there's just no answer. God is there even though it's hard to feel it sometimes when you are in a constant pain that won't go away.

I can tell you though, God is very real, he is listening, and it really works wonders when I'm feeling really down and just take the time to sit and talk to Him about how I feel. Ask him for the strength to talk to someone else about it if you can't do it yourself.

I can remember when I was little my mother had a picture that had a poem on it called Footprints In The Sand by Mary Stevenson. I read it often, and it really hit the spot when I felt the same way as you. It read:

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,
"You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during
the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one
set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,
"The times when you have
seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you."

It really hit home for me. This obviously isn't text from the Bible, but it really helped me put things in perspective. God is there for you, and he always will be. He loves you. Even though it may feel as if you are alone, you aren't, and you never will be.

Praying for you...

 

[LaBarre]

Hi FIC/forever,

I'm so glad you came here to told us what's going on in your life. Hopefully as you've read all of the responses, you felt like you were cared about.....because you are. We all want to to live and fight another day. Please don't end your life. Give yourself the chance to recover, and even overcome the crimes committed against you.

Right now I just want to make you feel better. If I read your posts correctly, there seem to be two particular issues: you can't feel God right now, and you are feeling overwhelmed by the affects of the abuse.

Maybe this sounds crazy, but maybe it's okay if you can't feel God right now. He is there, whether we feel Him or not. Nothing stops God. Maybe feeling Him would bring too much emotion for you right now - as you do seem to be overwhelmed with so many other emotions. Give yourself a rest.

If it's His comfort you aren't feeling, maybe it's just not packaged in the way you expect. It could be that some of the comfort He's sending you is those of us right here on this forum who are hoping, cheering, and praying for you. Helping you to make it through one more hour, one more day, one more week, as your strength is replenished. Sometimes, that's how we survive the toughest times....one hour at a time.

But there will be easier times, even good times. Then probably more bad times. But it will get better.

Is it therapy that overwhelms you? Have you thought about letting your counselor know that you would like to NOT talk about the abuse for a week, or three, or whatever. Talk about....hobbies or world peace. Maybe reducing your counseling visits would help you. I've about a total of 3 years worth of therapy, but it was done over the course of a decade. Recovering from abuse isn't a race, it's a process. Slowing down might be beneficial for you. And that's okay.

I would love to hear some ideas from you, on what you can do to help yourself feel better. What do you do to comfort yourself? Sometimes, when I was at my worst, (usually at night) I would call a friend, and we would both just leave the phone close to our bed without hanging up. Sometimes I would put my favorite movie on, and let it run all night long. Sometimes I cleaned my bathroom. Sometimes, when no one was home, I would just scream. Or beat up pillows. Or break things.

Please find something that helps, even if you don't actually enjoy it...if it can keep you distracted and help let time go by as you get stronger...that's a good thing.

Just getting through the day alive can be a huge victory. You're what age now? That's a
lot of days, a lot of victory - the abusers have not won this battle. You may be injured and suffering, but you are, day by day, getting closer to your final victory. And it's a tremendous feeling when you do. The recovery process is worth it. Please don't give up.

Please feel free to contact me if you'd like. I can always pm you my email address.

Sending you hope,
LaBarre

 

[FIC/forever]

Thank you moto4life for those words footprints in the sand they are really beautiful and they gave me hope to know God is carrying me. I have been feeling a bit better And thankyou LaBarre for your encouraging words and ideas I have felt God close to me these past few days and I do feel this desperate heaviness lifting and I thank you all for your prayers and just for being there

 

[moto4life]

FIC/forever,

I'm soo glad that what I said was helpful. I'm going to keep praying for you. The pain will never go away completely, but it will come to a point where you can handle it. That little poem has helped me through some of my toughest times in life, and I'm so glad I could share it with you. Just remember, give your pain to the Lord. Ask Him to take it from you. He loves you and he will definitely help.

I'll keep praying for you. It will get easier, trust me. I've been there.