Feeling Terrible and Completely Lost

[Bringmeback]

I'm here because I just don't have anybody I can confide in about this.

Sometime ago I did something VERY terrible to a person related to my sister and she knew nothing about it. I one day worked up the courage and told her 1/2 the truth about what I did. She was definitely hurt from what I let her know, but she was able to forgive me. However, the only problem here was I still did not tell the full truth.

Now, fast forward sometime to the present. The other 1/2 of the truth I didn't tell her had become to hard for me to come clean about and it was killing me the more I kept it to myself. This was a thing so terrible that it has eaten away at my conscience and psyche for nearly 8 years. In turn, I would always think about coming clean about what I did, but I would instead get cold feet and decide not to tell the family member.

Well, this week I finally told her the full truth of what I did. Now, I feel just horrible. So horrible that I think that she will hate me probably for the rest of her life. To add to it, she or probably no one else in my family will trust me ever again.

My mother knew nothing about me telling my sister the other half of this truth. However, she started to pick up on my sister's apprehension towards me. So, recently, she asked me if there were any problems between my sister and I. At first I denied it, but after a little bit of grilling from her, I finally cracked and told her that my sister was in fact very angry with me.

I didn't let my mother know exactly what I told my sister, but I did let her know it had something to do with the secret I told my sister about at first.

My mother then told me I was selfish for telling my sister the whole truth. Confused and frustrated, I asked why. She then proceded to tell me I should have not reopened this issue and I should've taken this secret to the grave.

After I heard her say that I became even more disgusted and started to want to cry. She then continued to tell me how selfish I was for "putting my hurt on someone else" and eventually she stopped and let me leave her presence.

All this just leaves me so confused and lost guys. I thought I was a coward for keeping this truth to myself all these years and now it seems that I'm even worse of a person for letting the truth out.

I can't put in words how much I wish I never did these things. Unfortunately, I just DID NOT know how much of a lasting negative effect my actions would result in.

Now, for years I tried to convince myself I believed in God, but now I'm just unsure. Unsure because I want to cry out to somebody so bad about this whole situation but there's nobody I can do it to. I mean, I honestly have no friends at all, a degree of faith in Christ next to nil, and my family (justifiably) is now fed up with me. So who can I talk to or what could I even possibly do about this whole situation????

 

[lucaspa]

Cry out to God. Ask Him what you can do to help your sister and the rest of your family.

Let me ask something? Was this secret still hurting your sister? IOW, was not knowing the secret negatively impacting your sister's life? Would her life get better if she knew?

If her life would not get better if she knew, then your mother has a point. It looks like you told her simply to make you feel better. You were suffering so much guilt you needed to tell to get the guilt out. IMO, you would have done better to ask God to give you the strength to bear this secret so that you would not hurt anyone by telling it.

It sounds like this is just going to take time. Maybe lots of it. Possibly years. YOu are going to have to look for ways to make this easier on your sister. That may mean leaving her alone. It may mean standing there while she yells, screams, and pounds on your chest in anger, hurt, and frustration. Whatever. The important thing is to figure out what will help her. Not you. Her.

You ask God to help you. Give you wisdom know the right thing for your sister and the other members of your family. Give you strength to do the right thing. You ask God to help your sister and other family members.

But for the forseeable future, God is going to be the only one who will think about your pain. Your family members have their own pain to deal with. Pain caused by you. So you are going to have to suck it up and feel bad. In time you will feel less pain.

 

[IceJad]

I would not say that you did the wrong thing by telling the truth. Your sister deserves to know the truth even if it will scar her. Everything has a consequence. It is too bad that yours have a prolong lasting one. Everyone will have to learn to deal with pain others caused on them and them on others. It's part and parcel of life. That how we grow.

I have hurt others and others have hurt me. There will be no restitution that will ever fully cover for the things I've done and also things done to me. I made my fullest attempts to reconcile sadly to say not all have been successful. I have accepted that some will never forgive me. But I'll have to live on for those who still do. Be better for the people you will meet in the future. God never meant your life to be a full-stop after making a sin.

You too deserve a second chance in life. Own up ask for forgiveness. Pray for the best. Then you'll have to continue on. Be fair to yourself also. Be a better person. Be fair to the people who will cross your life in the future.

Now cry if you need to. Scream if it hurts. Then pray to God for healing for yourself and your family. Pick up the pieces and walk again. You do not need to judge yourself harshly merely acknowledge your short-comings. For God will judge when your time has come.

 

[aiki]

The Bible urges us to "speak the truth in love." Was love the motivating force behind your confession? The truth spoken without the constraints of love upon it is often hurtful, and sometimes even destructive. Perhaps this is what you're discovering.

The Bible says that when we confess our sins to God, "He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1John 1:9) If you have confessed your sin to God and repented of it in your heart, then take the apostle Paul's advice:

Philippians 3:12-14
12 Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me.
13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead,
14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

It is important to be in harmony with those around you as much as possible, but it is absolutely vital that there be close fellowship between you and your Saviour. Don't let anything - not regret, or guilt, or broken ties to family members - hinder the pursuit of the goal of being more like Christ. It is the highest goal one can pursue and the most necessary. Satan will try to sidetrack you with this family issue. He will preoccupy you with fretting about it, getting you focused on your failure rather than on Christ because he knows that we are made to be conformed to our focus. If you are busy floundering about in guilt, regret, and confusion, you aren't fixed upon Christ, who is the only one who can draw you out of such floundering.

Be wise. Pursue Christ with your whole heart and the rest will resolve itself in time.

Peace.

 

[drich0150]

It sounds as if you have taken alot from your family.. First in your initial sin, and then in your forced reckoning. Placing people in a position to force them to forgive you can never really be beneficial for them. You as a Christian should know your forgiveness of a sin doesn't come from restitution. You can't fix a sin with a good deed or word, even if it makes you feel better. If you could then Jesus wouldn't have to had died. Sin is forgiven as a gift to us from God, through His death. The only condition we must adhere to in having our sins forgiven is to forgive others when they sin against us.

So now instead of looking to take even more by looking for a way to force a quick resolution upon your family, ask God to help you give back, and let your family see you as the bad guy for a while. Learn to live with this anger, and redirect it back to them as love. Over time things will change if you keep working at it.

 

[ellie'sforjesus]

You have spoken and come clean, good for you!! You are forgiven child. God forgives you for everything you have ever done. Cry out to him, he will pick you up by your hand and help you through this and you will come out of this on the other side way better than you were before. Now you can move on and make your life great by doing something positive with it. I am proud of you for coming forward, because most people would hold it in until it eventually came out. Whatever is done in darkness eventually comes to the light..