Prayer Request Feeling Pretty Down...

[Karin12414]

I just got into a fight with my husband over text message today and I am feeling pretty lousy... I feel like I just don't understand him anymore and like he doesn't understand me... We got into a fight this past weekend and I thought we were making good progress because he finally let me talk and tell him things I couldn't before because he would always cut me off... I told him that I have had anxiety towards sex for a while now and don't know why... so he said we could work at it and he would try to be understanding... He said he knew it would be tough to work on it this week because I am doing VBS with my Church Sun-Thurs after work and Physical Therapy (Mon, Wed).

So I got home last night from the VBS pretty tired and ready to take a shower, eat and pass out and he got all sad because I wanted to take a shower when we didn't get to see each other all day. So I just skipped it and hung out with him, despite how gross I felt... He asked if we were going to have sex and I didn't really feel into it because I felt gross, but I said "Sure, we can" but he got all moody and said "never mind"...

So this morning he was still acting all moody and I KNEW it was because of the sex situation from the night before... So I tried to act cool and still make the morning nice and I dropped him off at work.. When I texted him and asked him how things were he said "Not Great" so I asked what's wrong and he said:

"Nothing is wrong. I am incredibly unhappy, for no reason whatsoever.
So don't waste your time worrying."

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT?!?!? I didn't want to start another fight so I just said "do you wanna quit texting?" and he said "Will it matter to you if I do? Or will I have to keep pretending that the way you ignore me doesn't hurt at all?" Of course that set me off because I felt like I was doing the complete opposite of ignoring him by skipping a MUCH NEEDED shower because he wanted to be clingy!

I don't know what I am supposed to do with this you guys... It's to the point that I feel like he isn't going to be happy unless I am waiting for him in bed everyday... He knew I was tired and I still tried to be into it... but he keeps saying that I am "ignoring" him and "invalidating" him.. It's been 4 DAYS since I admitted to him my sexual anxiety... THAT WAS REALLY HARD AND SCARY FOR ME!!! I was scared it could end our relationship...

I thought we reached some point of a little understanding, but this makes me feel like he just said "we'll work on it" just to pay me lip service and went right back to the way things were...

I don't know what to do with this you guys... I am trying... but he's not taking into consideration how tiring and stressful this week is for me...

 

[Southernscotty]

I just got into a fight with my husband over text message today and I am feeling pretty lousy... I feel like I just don't understand him anymore and like he doesn't understand me... We got into a fight this past weekend and I thought we were making good progress because he finally let me talk and tell him things I couldn't before because he would always cut me off... I told him that I have had anxiety towards sex for a while now and don't know why... so he said we could work at it and he would try to be understanding... He said he knew it would be tough to work on it this week because I am doing VBS with my Church Sun-Thurs after work and Physical Therapy (Mon, Wed).

So I got home last night from the VBS pretty tired and ready to take a shower, eat and pass out and he got all sad because I wanted to take a shower when we didn't get to see each other all day. So I just skipped it and hung out with him, despite how gross I felt... He asked if we were going to have sex and I didn't really feel into it because I felt gross, but I said "Sure, we can" but he got all moody and said "never mind"...

So this morning he was still acting all moody and I KNEW it was because of the sex situation from the night before... So I tried to act cool and still make the morning nice and I dropped him off at work.. When I texted him and asked him how things were he said "Not Great" so I asked what's wrong and he said:

"Nothing is wrong. I am incredibly unhappy, for no reason whatsoever.
So don't waste your time worrying."

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT?!?!? I didn't want to start another fight so I just said "do you wanna quit texting?" and he said "Will it matter to you if I do? Or will I have to keep pretending that the way you ignore me doesn't hurt at all?" Of course that set me off because I felt like I was doing the complete opposite of ignoring him by skipping a MUCH NEEDED shower because he wanted to be clingy!

I don't know what I am supposed to do with this you guys... It's to the point that I feel like he isn't going to be happy unless I am waiting for him in bed everyday... He knew I was tired and I still tried to be into it... but he keeps saying that I am "ignoring" him and "invalidating" him.. It's been 4 DAYS since I admitted to him my sexual anxiety... THAT WAS REALLY HARD AND SCARY FOR ME!!! I was scared it could end our relationship...

I thought we reached some point of a little understanding, but this makes me feel like he just said "we'll work on it" just to pay me lip service and went right back to the way things were...

I don't know what to do with this you guys... I am trying... but he's not taking into consideration how tiring and stressful this week is for me...

Without knowing all the details of your anxiety it is hard to tell you what you should do, However the Bible does say you are to submit to your husband out of respect. However that same respect applies back to you and if for whatever reason you are "uncomfortable" with having relations with your husband, then I can see this as something that you guys desperately need to pray together on and perhaps see a counselor.
There are really to many details to sort out here on CF, but I am praying for you guys :]

 

[faroukfarouk]

As a mutual thing, avoiding words that could be construed as cross words; and mutually lots and lots of patience. If you can read God's Word together and pray, this can be really great. In the end it's all about the vertical relationship first, right?

 

[Karin12414]

Without knowing all the details of your anxiety it is hard to tell you what you should do, However the Bible does say you are to submit to your husband out of respect. However that same respect applies back to you and if for whatever reason you are "uncomfortable" with having relations with your husband, then I can see this as something that you guys desperately need to pray together on and perhaps see a counselor.
There are really to many details to sort out here on CF, but I am praying for you guys :]

Thank you... It is an extremely complicated situation... I wanted to try and make up for yesterday by trying to plan out something "sexy" or him tonight... but he blew up before I even got the chance to come up with a plan... I don't know if I even want to try it... I feel like all he cares about is sex... it feels like it's been like that for almost the whole relationship... I understand how important it is, but at the same time, he needs to get that I can't do it everyday... nor do I want to...

 

[faroukfarouk]

I wanted to try and make up for yesterday by trying to plan out something "sexy" or him tonight...

Well, try it still, and see if he's receptive. Prayer and Bible reading is a good way to cool down after an argument. Then maybe try what you were planning to do...

 

[Karin12414]

As a mutual thing, avoiding words that could be construed as cross words; and mutually lots and lots of patience. If you can read God's Word together and pray, this can be really great. In the end it's all about the vertical relationship first, right?

I feel like when it comes to my relationship with God, everything makes perfect sense... I'm not guessing or feeling unsure of myself... but with my husband I feel like I am just at a loss... We get along so well and are able to have real, deep conversations... we are together on so much... but when it comes to sex.. I just don't have as high of a libido as him... He seems like he wants it every day... I just can't keep up with that... I thought admitting my issues to him would let him understand me more... but it hasn't changed anything... He looked up some tips and that was the last I saw any understanding on his part...

I hate it because I feel like he is trying to martyr himself over this and make me seem like some awful monster for "withholding" from him as he likes to put it...

 

[Karin12414]

Well, try it still, and see if he's receptive. Prayer and Bible reading is a good way to cool down after an argument. Then maybe try what you were planning to do...

I don't really want to anymore... It's hard enough to get in the mood for it on my own... but I feel so bad about myself... I feel like there is something wrong with me... broken... it doesn't make me feel very "sexy"...

 

[faroukfarouk]

I don't really want to anymore... It's hard enough to get in the mood for it on my own... but I feel so bad about myself... I feel like there is something wrong with me... broken... it doesn't make me feel very "sexy"...

This is why a quiet period of prayer and Scripture meditation can be very profitable. It can change one's mood enormously in terms of helping to focus on the Lord and His glories.

If dh could read Scripture and pray with you, all the better.

 

[Southernscotty]

Thank you... It is an extremely complicated situation... I wanted to try and make up for yesterday by trying to plan out something "sexy" or him tonight... but he blew up before I even got the chance to come up with a plan... I don't know if I even want to try it... I feel like all he cares about is sex... it feels like it's been like that for almost the whole relationship... I understand how important it is, but at the same time, he needs to get that I can't do it everyday... nor do I want to...

Well being a guy as he is, It probably is much of what he thinks of most of the time and especially if he feels that he is being short changed in the "relations" department.
Like I said, I would talk to him about seeing a counselor and pray about this together, because it is serious. Perhaps set one day a week or something that you guys can agree on and make that your "special"day, Nice dinner, Perhaps a movie and then some alone time? Idk, Just a thought :]

 

[Karin12414]

This is why a quiet period of prayer and Scripture meditation can be very profitable. It can change one's mood enormously in terms of helping to focus on the Lord and His glories.

If dh could read Scripture and pray with you, all the better.

We have discussions about the Bible and such.. I don't know... he isn't as "into" Christianity as I am... He doesn't go to Church with me and my daughter and considers himself as identifying to Jehovah's Witnesses because he was raised that way.. We can talk about it... but that's usually as far as we go...

 

[faroukfarouk]

We have discussions about the Bible and such.. I don't know... he isn't as "into" Christianity as I am... He doesn't go to Church with me and my daughter and considers himself as identifying to Jehovah's Witnesses because he was raised that way.. We can talk about it... but that's usually as far as we go...

Well, if you can, John's First Epistle in a version other than the New World Translation would be excellent for you guys together. All about the glories of the Son of God and assurance of faith in Him through His precious shed blood.

 

[Southernscotty]

We have discussions about the Bible and such.. I don't know... he isn't as "into" Christianity as I am... He doesn't go to Church with me and my daughter and considers himself as identifying to Jehovah's Witnesses because he was raised that way.. We can talk about it... but that's usually as far as we go...

Therein I say is one, if not THE problem. He needs the gospel truth given to him.

 

[Karin12414]

Well being a guy as he is, It probably is much of what he thinks of most of the time and especially if he feels that he is being short changed in the "relations" department.
Like I said, I would talk to him about seeing a counselor and pray about this together, because it is serious. Perhaps set one day a week or something that you guys can agree on and make that your "special"day, Nice dinner, Perhaps a movie and then some alone time? Idk, Just a thought :]

I've tried to suggest a counselor a while back and he said that we can't afford it and I need to just "get over my hold-ups" (this was well before I admitted my anxiety, to be fair I guess)... I have suggested the "setting a day away" thing too and he said that he is too young to be limited to once a week... and then it would just turn into another fight about how I don't care about him...

 

[Karin12414]

Therein I say is one, if not THE problem. He needs the gospel truth given to him.

I've asked him if he believes and he tells me yes that he accepts that Christ is the Son of God and believes He died for us...

 

[Southernscotty]

I've tried to suggest a counselor a while back and he said that we can't afford it and I need to just "get over my hold-ups" (this was well before I admitted my anxiety, to be fair I guess)... I have suggested the "setting a day away" thing too and he said that he is too young to be limited to once a week... and then it would just turn into another fight about how I don't care about him...

I am praying for you guys and keep seeking Jesus as He is the answer. I am sure some others will come along with some great advice like Farouk :]

 

[Karin12414]

I am praying for you guys and keep seeking Jesus as He is the answer. I am sure some others will come along with some great advice like Farouk :]

Thank you...

 

[faroukfarouk]

I've tried to suggest a counselor a while back and he said that we can't afford it and I need to just "get over my hold-ups" (this was well before I admitted my anxiety, to be fair I guess)... I have suggested the "setting a day away" thing too and he said that he is too young to be limited to once a week... and then it would just turn into another fight about how I don't care about him...

I guess that often it's like this:

1) ready 2) not ready

1) not ready 2) ready

1) ready 2) not ready

1) not ready 2) ready

1) ready 2) not ready

1) not ready 2) ready

With lots of patience and prayer, I reckon the aim is for this:

1) ready 2) ready ...........

 

[faroukfarouk]

I've asked him if he believes and he tells me yes that he accepts that Christ is the Son of God and believes He died for us...

These are wonderful truths to hold for time and for eternity; a wonderful basis for fellowship as a couple.

 

[Karin12414]

I guess that often it's like this:

1) ready 2) not ready

1) not ready 2) ready

1) ready 2) not ready

1) not ready 2) ready

1) ready 2) not ready

1) not ready 2) ready

With lots of patience and prayer, I reckon the aim is for this:

1) ready 2) ready ...........

I guess that could sum it up... idk... This stuff has me feeling so depressed though... I haven't felt this down since I finally snapped out of Postpartum Depression after having my daughter... I hate feeling like his...

 

[faroukfarouk]

I guess that could sum it up... idk... This stuff has me feeling so depressed though... I haven't felt this down since I finally snapped out of Postpartum Depression after having my daughter... I hate feeling like his...

Remember that however bad you might feel at any given moment, feelings come and go.

Sometimes a doctor can help with meds.

Daily prayerful meditation in the Word is so important also.

Sometimes it can look like this:

1) Feelings of isolation; 2) Feelings of wanting close company

1) Feelings of wanting close company; 2) Feelings of isolation

1) Feelings of isolation; 2) Feelings of wanting close company

1) Feelings of wanting close company; 2) Feelings of isolation

1) Feelings of isolation; 2) Feelings of wanting close company

1) Feelings of wanting close company; 2) Feelings of isolation


Again, with a lot of patience and prayer, the aim can ideally be:

1) Feelings of wanting close company; 2) Feelings of wanting close company .......